posted
I love the job I'm at right now,t hough it is a temp job. I really want to ask about the possibility of permanant employment since my assignment has been extended to March 30, 2006. The problem is when I think of asking my supervisor about this my hands get sort of warm and sweaty and I get so nervous and anxious. This is a problem. She is not a bad person, she seems to like me, there's no reason for me to be this afraid to ask a simple question, especially since I love this job, I like working for the company and I need full time employment. I've been treated in the past for social anxiety by a cognitive therapist for a few sessions. What could cause this? Could it stem from something in childhood? I don't want to have to take drugs for it, I really cannot spend the rest of my life like this, getting so anxious over the slightest stupid thing.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
I can't give you medical advice, but listen to your feelings.
What is the most unfavorable outcome that could occur from asking your boss about permanent employment? While its true that while the questions remains unspoken there feels like there is the possibility that you will have a good result. The fact your boss has extended your assignment certainly indicates that they don't want to get rid of you. If you ask and lets say she says, "I am sorry we just don't have any permanent room for you." Was she going to NOT say that if you had NOT asked? Doubtful if you ask me.
If anything, asking if you can stay instills in your bosses mind that idea that you would like to stay. Perhaps she wants to take you on permanently but since you agreed as a temp perhaps from her perspective she thinks you feel the matter is closed.
But you seem to already know this, I don't think I need to persuade you that its a good idea to ask for permanent employment and see what happens.
I've found that social anxiety is curable only through many positive experiences within a social setting. This isn't to say it WILL fix the problem, some people live their entire lives completely successful with many friends and yet they still get anxiety attacks. But your mind's only chance at dealing with anxiety is to have experiences you can draw on to persuade it that everything is fine.
For me it was like riding a bike. It got harder and harder for me to get back on it everytime I fell and hurt myself. But suddenly everything clicked and I was riding the bike. I identified exactly why I kept falling down, and realized it was a self fulfilling problem. By being scared I slowed my peddling and that was what caused the bike to lose momentum and fall over thus reinforcing my fear.
I doubt any of this helps, indeed I am quite OK with you just disregarding what I have said. Here is a question.
Do you find its harder to just start talking in this instance, or do you find that in the middle of conversing your body just freezes up and refuses to speak anymore? I'd wager you find just starting the conversation is much harder then continuing it.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
What you're saying is very useful. I don't understand why I have this, my social anxiety is not even that bad, I can leave the house, get a job, but when it comes to asking people stuff I'm afraid to bother them, or I don't want to call someone because I feel like I might annoy them. It's aggravating, because I know it's irrational and just worrying and thinking about it is so much worse than actually doing it.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by Synesthesia: What you're saying is very useful. I don't understand why I have this, my social anxiety is not even that bad, I can leave the house, get a job, but when it comes to asking people stuff I'm afraid to bother them, or I don't want to call someone because I feel like I might annoy them. It's aggravating, because I know it's irrational and just worrying and thinking about it is so much worse than actually doing it.
Ok so would you say that you are afraid of rejection?
Would you say that you fear negative responses? Do outbursts of anger scare you, or do expressions of irritability make you uncomfortable?
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
While you may have social anxiety, I don't think it requires social anxiety to get really nervous about talking to your boss about going on full time. That's a scary conversation for anybody. Sometimes practicing what you're going to say ahead of time is helpful. And even if it's the scariest thing ever, and you're sweaty and feel gross, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it.
Posts: 1947 | Registered: Aug 2002
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quote:Originally posted by Synesthesia: What you're saying is very useful. I don't understand why I have this, my social anxiety is not even that bad, I can leave the house, get a job, but when it comes to asking people stuff I'm afraid to bother them, or I don't want to call someone because I feel like I might annoy them. It's aggravating, because I know it's irrational and just worrying and thinking about it is so much worse than actually doing it.
Ok so would you say that you are afraid of rejection?
Would you say that you fear negative responses? Do outbursts of anger scare you, or do expressions of irritability make you uncomfortable?
All of those, as I really like this job SO MUCH.
Also on the email I got from the temp people it said March 2006 that was funny. :
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
I could try that. It seems more macho to ask face to face. They might have call center jobs. I don't want to work call center, but I don't want to live with my parents either because then I'd be unhappy... I'm too shy to be on phones....
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Think of it this way, if you love the job...and are good at it, asking to stay permanently is not bothering your boss...it is actually providing her with a permanent worker (you).
When someone who works for me asks for more responsibility, I don't think of that as a bother...I think of it as a good thing, because that gives me someone else that I can use in higher positions. Believe me, it is harder than you might think to find motivated people who both can and will do jobs that take responsibility.
So when you go into see your boss, don't think that you are asking a favor of her by asking to stay on for good...think of it as you are offering yourself to her as a permanent employee.
Posts: 1901 | Registered: May 2004
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posted
Synesthesia: OK that makes complete sense. How does this solution sound,
A: Brave your fears and ask your boss how she feels about permanently employing you, thus possibly providing some much desired stability to your life. You realize that at worst she could confirm that your extension was really all she could do for you.
B: Keep stewing about this and lose sleep, which will effect your performance and increase your likelihood of being dismissed from this wonderful job.
Just teasing. I can completely empathize with how you described not enjoying calling people up or asking for favors. Would you say that you like to please everybody and when people get upset on your accord it really effects you?
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Yes, and I especially do not want to be Snow White or Cinderella. It's so lame. Having to clean up for 7 short men that don't know what soap is. I hate being like that, and I really need to stop.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
You're just going to have to do it. I usually find that if I'm nervous about something, once I get started, the nervousness goes away. The anxiety is usually all about: Will I or won't I do this? Can I do this? Then when I'm actually doing it, I feel fine.
If you're at all the same way, I would suggest: Force yourself to go to your boss and just say "Can I set a time to talk to you about something?" It might be easier because you're not actually having the talk.
But you'll find yourself locked into a specific time to have the talk.
That kind of stuff helped me when I had anxiety issues. I could do the small step that would force the big step. And I didn't have to get the courage to do the big step.
Kind of thing.
Hope that makes sense.
Posts: 2267 | Registered: May 2005
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