posted
I didn't want to clog the new baby thread, but I have some toddler issues that I could use some advice with.
The first one is preschool. Aerin will be attending a 4-day per week program for developmentally delayed children. It's a wonderful program, but it's a full school day (9-2). I'm worried about getting her on the preschool schedule (mealtimes, nap times, etc.) and about her food issues. Basically, she won't eat any kind of bread, cheese, meat, peanut butter, or jelly, so sandwiches are out. I'm not sure what to pack for her. She usually eats baby food for lunch, but I don't think that's an option in preschool and I'd like to take the opportunity to transition her to more adult foods. I already have some ideas, but I don't know if they're any good. So far, I'm going to pack a milk box (rice milk in a juice box-type box w/ a straw), fruit slices or apple sauce, and an organic (wheat flour, low sugar) granola bar. I'm not sure what to pack for vegetables and protein. I'm working on getting Aerin to eat carrot and pepper slices, but I don't know if she'll be doing that by September. Variety isn't an issue - she doesn't care about food enough to get tired of the same meal.
I'm also having separation anxiety. I've never been away from her for such long periods of time and the idea of her experiencing so many important things without me is making me very sad. I'm not sure how much of this is pregnancy hormones, but the feelings are there. Half of her speech therapy is without me and I'm struggling with that. And that's just 30 minutes!
Another problem I have is candy at shul. I really don't know what the deal is, but all of the kids in shul, from the toddlers to the teens, eat shocking amounts of candy. I think there are secret caches all over the shul because there are some kids I've never seen without a lollipop stick in their mouths. We don't allow candy. At all. Aerin has mouth and toothbrushing issues, so we have to limit her sugar. Our dentist told us that the worst kinds of candy are hard and sticky candies - lollipops, Jolly Ranchers, Skittles, caramels, etc. They coat the teeth over and over again and don't wash off with saliva for a very long time. He said that if you have to give your child candy, you should choose plain chocolate-y things like M&Ms. The chocolate washes off the teeth much more quickly. Not that we give Aerin chocolate candy, either. Now, I don't care what the other kids eat. I think it's a shame and I'm glad I'm not responsible for their dental bills, but they're not my children. I try to respect other parents' rules and I expect them to respect mine. My issues are that people are constantly offering Aerin candy and that every single meal that is served has bowls of candy within easy reach of toddlers. I particularly object to the types of candy, lollipops and jelly beans, that are choking hazards for toddlers. A couple of weeks ago, Aerin got hold of a jelly bean. Luckily, she doesn't like sweets much and spit it right out, but what if she'd choked on it? Yes, it is absolutely my responsibility to watch her and make sure she's safe, but it would be nice to be able to relax just a bit in shul and let her run around without having to worry. It makes me cringe to see 2-year-olds running around with lollipop sticks because I know children who have gotten injured that way. And I could really do without the comments. When I refuse candy for Aerin, people look at me like I'm a crazy monster. "But it's Shabbos," and "They're only young once," are the top two. We actually do allow treats for Shabbos (Aerin gets grown-up cookies), but I will never allow candy. The most upsetting one is, "But she's so skinny." I am very sensitive about Aerin's weight and it's very noticeable in shul where all of the other toddlers happen to be pudgy. I would never make a comment about a child being overweight, I just wish people would consider that it's just as hurtful to make comments about a child who is underweight.
There's obviously nothing I can do about the offers and comments, other than develop a thicker skin. But I'd like to see if we can't reduce the amount of candy that's available to the children. At the very least, keep it out of reach of the toddlers. The problem is that all the food in the shul is overseen by a very formidable older lady who is quite intimidating. I'm in no state to take anything up with her. And I don't want to be known as the mean lady who took candy away from the children. Suggestions?
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
As for the first- will she eat tofu dog cut into non choking finger sizes? Eggs, I don't see that on her won't eat list- maybe diced hard boiled egg? Peas? Defrosted frozen peas are quite sweet and might help with her fine motor if she picks them up with a pincer grasp.
The second one...ooooh, I wish I knew! So far a combo of constant vigilance and educating my kids has been the order of the day (with my older two, 11 and 9, it's dairy, and 90% of church events having food have dairy). I don't know if you talked to your Rabbi, if s/he would talk to the kitchen lady for you?
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'm hesitating to weigh in because it sounds like Aerin has some special needs and I don't know enough about them to offer any decent advice (maybe not enough to advise ANYONE, ever ) - but for what it's worth:
I think preschool sounds like a great chance to test/break some of the rules you've been living with. Being around a bunch of kids the same age offers the benefits of peer imitation - if they are all eating bread and cheese and meat, she might decide it's OK. Especially if the usual alternative - Mom providing something special - isn't available. Breaking out of the at-home routine can sometimes be enough to get toddlers to relax their standards. I'd seriously consider sending her with "regular" food and letting her figure out that if she wants lunch at preschool, that's what she gets to eat. (It didn't sound like there are medical dietary restrictions.)
On the candy thing, it sounds like the dental issues might be serious. If that's the case, I don't know what you can do - imposing Aerin's needs on a larger group doesn't seem quite right. On the other hand, if it's a little dental issue combined with a big desire to avoid candy, I'd advise you to relax a little and let her have a jelly bean while you stay alert on the small chance she chokes on it. You can break them in two or whatever. (shrug)
Posts: 4287 | Registered: Mar 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Does Aerin like beans? My little girl doesn't like meat either, or bread, but she will eat kidney beans (she picks them out of chili, etc.). Baked beans are her favorite food, with second favorite being pasta. She will also eat lentils.
She also likes peas, either frozen or heated up. Peas have protein too, especially if you eat them in combination with corn or other grain. (We buy the steam-in-bag single servings of frozen veggies, and she will eat a single adult serving through the course of a day. I heat them up, daddy just gives them to her straight out of the bag.) She also likes corn kernels. Both the corn and peas are finger foods to her.
Does she eat yogurt? That has some protein.
What about pasta?
And I can sympathize with the comments about your daughter's weight -- my daughter wasn't premature, but she is kinda small and skinny, so I have folks telling me I don't feed her enough, even though the dr. says she's fine. (When I left for work this evening, daddy was getting her a snack that she especially likes -- a small dish of vanilla frozen yogurt mixed with peas. you won't see that one at Cold Stone Creamery any time soon.)
Posts: 1512 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
| IP: Logged |
posted
If I were her mother, I think I would hold off on preschool for another year. First of all, if you're that worried about sending her, maybe your maternal instincts are telling you she's not ready yet. She does have some special needs after all, according to what you've written. Second of all, preschool is in no way necessary. My parents didn't send me or any of my siblings to preschool, and we all excelled in school. If it's social interaction you want for her, is there another way to get it? If not, what do you hope to accomplish for her by sending her to preschool?
Posts: 1903 | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
Is Lego the only child in the world the "Super Nanny" method doesn't work for when he keeps getting out of his bed at bedtime? I swear he thinks it's a game . . . and he's winning. I'm exhausted. I want to put him to bed and have him stay there.
Posts: 1903 | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
My toddler is still in her crib (though she would rather be in a bed) and she is really good about going to her crib when we say it is bed time. So, I can not speak from personal experience, but my friends all just shut the kids door and figure that if they sleep on the floor, they sleep on the floor. They use those child safety things on the kids door, so the kids can't just open the door and free themselves.
Posts: 2223 | Registered: Mar 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
Yeah, half the problem is that he can open the door to his room.
It used to be that the consequence for getting out too much was that he had to sleep in the crib, which he hated. Now he can climb out of there too.
Posts: 1903 | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Brinestone, it sounds like this is early intervention, rather than just preschool. I am usually all for keeping the littles home, but I also am a HUGE believer in early intervention classes.
What is the Super Nanny method?
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
If the child gets out of bed after being put in at bedtime, you simply put him or her back in without talking or even making eye contact. Over and over and over. No scolding, comforting, or begging allowed. Apparently kids who are getting out of bed a lot do it because they enjoy the interaction with their parents (in whatever form they can get it). Refusing to interact deprives them of the satisfaction of engaging you, and they give up the game.
Thing is, Lego thinks it's great fun to be lifted up and put in bed over and over and over.
Posts: 1903 | Registered: Sep 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Brinestone, I'd just shut the door and let him sleep on the floor if that's what he wanted. We had to do that with Emma. Actually right now she prefers to sleep on OUR floor-- which we see as an improvement over our BED.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Brinestone--you could try lifting him in a less comfortable way--the two-year-old I nanny for did something to get us to pick him up (I can't for the life of me remember what the behavior was) until we switch the way we held him. I think we switched from grabbing him under his arms to an arm and a thigh, so he was still supported, but he didn't get the snuggle factor, which was what he was after.
Also, "The Snuggle Factor" would be a great name for a band.
Mrs. M, is there any way you could start out only doing one day of the school, and work up over a few months? That way the transition wouldn't be so abrupt, but she'd still be getting the schedule.
Posts: 368 | Registered: Dec 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Brinestone, maybe you could move his mattress to the floor for a while? That way, all you have to do is kind of usher him in without actually lifting him. If that's not an option, I'd also just make sure he couldn't leave the room and let him sleep wherever. Aerin hangs out in her crib for about 30 minutes after I put her down and she's fine. We're keeping her in the crib for as long as possible - she won't climb out (Which is odd b/c she's usually a daredevil. I think it's leftover caution from the hemangioma.).
Thanks for the great food suggestions, y'all. Aerin won't eat soy dogs or cooked or raw peas, but she might eat dried peas. I saw some in the health food store the other day and I'm going to try. She does eat yogurt (YoBaby organic) with her supper and loves it, but I think it might be too messy for the teacher to deal with in preschool.
I should have been much clearer about preschool. I'm not concerned that Aerin isn't ready. She's relatively independent and loves to explore and see new places. Her delays are very significant. She doesn't talk at all at nearly 3 years old, which is her biggest issue, but not the only one. We have 4 different diagnoses for her, but everyone agrees that she needs an intensive program this year if she's going to make any progress at all. We're actually going to put her in Chabad preschool for the day she's not in Robious (the special needs program). Additionally, we're going to continue with gym and private speech therapy. She's at a critical age right now and if we can get her to make progress, she'll have a much easier time than if we leave it for another year. We're not putting her in preschool for academic reasons (I know lots of folks who do and I think it's silly), but to learn basic communication and life skills.
I'm the one who is having trouble adjusting. I'm not worried about Aerin adjusting - the teachers are fantastic early childhood special ed teachers who can help her more than I ever could. She does fine during the parts of gym and speech where the parents leave and she's fine in shul babysitting. I'm just going to miss her. I've been with her almost every second of the day since she came home from the PICU and I can't imagine having it any other way.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Mrs. M - can she eat cheese? Sticks or cubes of cheese would be an easy way for her to eat protein. Are there other nut butters she likes? Candy at church drives me crazy too. I try to limit the sugar my kids intake and even though it has been written in handbooks for our teachers they still hand out the candy. I teach a class of 8/9 yr olds and they are quite unhappy that I stick to the rule of no treats. Perhaps a few key people need to be clued in about Aerin's issues so they can help keep it out of her hands - but I do feel your pain I wish they'd stop handing out food at my church too. Oh and all three of my kids were skinny. I did get tired of explaining to people that babies in my family just came that way!
Brinestone - I wish I knew a good way to keep Lego in his room. Does he like to look at books? Maybe a small pile of books next to his bed to keep him entertained in a quiet fashion? We've found our kids many times asleep with books in hand. We figure reading at bedtime is a good habit and we certainly can't force our kids to go to sleep (short of drugs ) so we'd rather they read for a short time to wind down.
Posts: 1132 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
| IP: Logged |
posted
Aerin ate 3.5 baby carrots today! I wish I could say I came up with some brilliant new strategy, but I just kept handing them to her until she finally took a bite. Then she decided she liked the crunch. Also, I was eating them, too. I'm going to give them to her until I'm sure she'll reliably eat them, then try introducing peppers. She also ate some tortilla chips last week (given to her by her daddy). Not something I want her eating regularly, but at least it's something new.
I did give her a Hershey's Kiss at shul this week. We had a mini-Kiddush since more than half the congregation is out of town and this included bowls full of Snickers, jelly beans, and gummy candy. On top of the usual coffee cake, danish, and cookies. I just don't get it. I was also advised to let her eat how she wants because she's only this age once. This as she was attempting to hold the Kiss like an apple and take tiny bites (that's generally how she eats all foods). I gave a typical Southern non-answer and refrained from informing the (well-meaning, I'm sure) lady that I'd be happy to let Aerin can eat how she wants if the lady is willing to clean the chocolate off of the shul dress. Aerin also hates having anything on her hands, so she'll wipe them on her clothes, then get upset that her clothes are dirty. Being visibly pregnant just really brings out the unsolicited advice from all sides.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
) - but for what it's worth: ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
you won't see that one at Cold Stone Creamery any time soon.)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
