posted
On the NaNoWriMo web forum someone asked how their character could nail Jello to the wall.
After 4 pages of useful but often repeated suggestions, I decided that non-useful but not likely to be repeated suggestions were in order.
They turned out so well, I decided that I didn't want them to vanish unappreciated in the middle of a forum so I brought them here--where they will vanish unapp....well, enjoy anyway
Sci Fi Method--Using a nearby black hole create a 0mass time/energy stasis field. Put the Jello in the stasis field. Nail the stasis field generator to the wall.
Simple Method--See Jello Jigglers.
CSI Method--Coat nail with jello. Pound nail in wall. Some minute molecules of the jello will still be found on the nail. Use DNA detector to get them.
Dr. Freeze Method--Use Liquid Nitrogen to freeze a Jello O. Put nail in wall. With heavy gloves, hang the O on the nail.
Horror Method--Make Jello Brain mold. Put Jello Brain on the table. When zombie comes to eat the brain, use over-powered nail gun to nail Zombie to the wall.
I like the Horror Method.
Romance Novel Method--Rip off shirt of studly wall. Rip off bodice of Jello. By chapter 10 the Wall will nail the Jello.
Adult Novel Method--Put Jello in an edible prophylactic devise. Nail that to wall. challenge the girls at the nearby Catholic Nun's Nursing School Sorority to see who can swallow it all.
Home Improvement Method--Give bowl of Jello to 3 year old. Wait 5 minutes. Put nail where Jello now resides on the wall, or floor, or ceiling.
Tim Allen Method-- Use overpowered nail gun. Use 10penny nails with no heads. Make a U out of about 30 nails. Pour Jello in the bowl of that U.
YA Method. Put bowl of Jello on counter near wall. Put nail on counter. Put Hammer on counter. Recite awful Goth poetry about death and the uselessness of life until the Jail nails itself to the wall out of desperation and despair. ----------
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
I like the YA method, only that last sentence is so long that most YAs would get distracted and put the book down. It needs to be broken up into smaller, more easily-digestible segments.
I think the romance novel is my favorite.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
You know what's odd? I was just thinking about good ways to nail Jello to a wall. The two that seemed the most useful are already described above as the "Simple Method" and the "Tim Allen Method."
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Jello does have DNA. Its made from horse hooves and other bone and bone like animal material--I was told.
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Yes, it is. But said material is thoroughly denatured as part of the process of making gelatin. I would be quite surprised if the end result had any detectable DNA fragments.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
But I specifically said CSI. Those guys find DNA of everything everywhere. Its like reversing the polarity or the fact that French Bedroom Farces have way more doors on stage then would normally be needed. Just go with the explanation and willingly suspend your disbelief.
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Feb 2003
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quote:Originally posted by rivka: Yes, it is. But said material is thoroughly denatured as part of the process of making gelatin. I would be quite surprised if the end result had any detectable DNA fragments.
It's obvious: Jello contains water; water has memory; therefore, although the Jello may have DNA at around the one-part-in-ten-trillion level, nonetheless it has all the curative and other properties of DNA. And besides, DNA is SCIENCE, so if you say it loud enough you can explain anything.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
All this discussion ignores the obvious ethical point: What the devil has the poor Jello done to you, that it should be nailed to the wall? A cruel and unusual punishment, surely.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Dare we go to the Religious section, where the Jello allows itself to be nailed to the wall do redeem us from our culinary sins?
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
That brings up the interesting question of what, if anything, we are to take, and eat "in remembrance of Jello" - metaphysically or otherwise.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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Though, how does the wall feel about this jello? And why doesn't no one take into account the nail's feelings in all this. Maybe it wants the wall/jello all to itself.
Posts: 503 | Registered: May 2005
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