posted
Do you guys sometimes feel that your life is currently out of your control?
It is not inherently bad, it is just that it seems that I don't get a say in what is going to happen over the next little bit. I suppose this is a rant to vent some steam more than anything, but any comments are welcome.
I am a 7th grade music teacher in NJ. With the new governor cracking down on state spending, lots of jobs have been cut for various reasons. I am safe at least until the next contract (2 years), and I have seniority over one person in the department. (This isn't meant to discuss these aspects of teaching, just stating the current situation). To remedy this, I am getting my master's degree and certification to be a math teacher. I am taking online classes from Walden University. It has been mostly a positive experience, but much more time-consuming than originally conceived. The point of this goal is to provide a small salary bump while adding some future job security.
To help make ends meet over the summer, I work at a fish market. At the beginning of the summer, the hours are not bad because of all of the college kids help. But at the end of the summer, there is only a few guys left, and we end up working 50-60 hour weeks. As far as a part-time job, the pay is alright but it is mentally draining due to the tediousness and humdrum of restaurant work. (Sidenote: today was actually rather interesting because the lobster tank exploded! About 250 gallons of water drenched the store, temporarily leaving us in 2 inches of water. No lobsters were harmed in the process.)
I also teach several private drum lessons, totaling about 3 or 4 hours on average per week. Compared to everything else, this is relaxing and enjoyable. I don't have to go on auto-pilot, but I am comfortable and confident with this job. In addition, I was hired to help tech two local marching bands. We agreed to a certain price for about 9 practices each. This is a challenging but rewarding experience, but also kind of stressful. I am putting my name and career on the public line, with success being measured out in the open. I am not really the best at it, but I have good intentions. I feel like I don't really have the time to fully throw myself into these projects, and therefore am not as successful as I could be.
We are about to have a tree removed.... another summer expense. For me, this is a major project as I am a relatively new home-owner (3 years). This is going hand in hand with regular yardwork. I am actually rather depressed about the state of my landscaping this year. This has been one of the driest summers on record in my area, and my yard shows it. We lost one bush to disease. None of my flowers really kept, and my lawn went to hell. Brown spots, dry spots, bare spots... crab grass, goose grass, curly dock, clovers, other nameless weeds. We have a sprinkler system, but several heads have needed replacement every year, and another new just popped. I can't seem to find the time to fix it. Once the trees are removed, I don't know how those areas are going to get watered evenly. I put in 5 new bushes along one fence, and they are also browning and dying. It just kind of makes me sad because I don't seem to have the time to fix things or even learn what or how I can be doing better.
There are several projects in the house that need to be done. We want to finish the basement, because it is only half-finished. We have carpet that needs to be installed in a bedroom. I have to work on the basement stairwell too. I have to finish sorting through my belongings from my parents attic and get it into my own.
I feel as if I am not feeding my own musical interests at all. I like to play the drums and the ukulele. I like to write and record my own songs and music. I have a small project studio set-up in the basement, but some equipment needs replacing and upgrading. I don't have the time or money for either, let alone just for playing.
I would like to make some money by playing out at some bars or clubs, but am not good enough yet. Almost there, but I just can't find the time to practice and get some friends together to make it happen. Very depressing, because many, many problems of mine will vanish if I can find a way to make some money doing something I love.
To add to the stress, my wife's job is making her (and consequently me) miserable. I won't go into to many details, but her boss is terrible, and her manager just threw her and a coworker under a bus. A far less-qualified employee was hired after my wife but gets paid considerably more. She is overworked. She gets paid on salary for a 9-5 job, but rarely takes lunch, gets there about 20 minutes early, and routinely stays until at least 6.
The kicker of that situation is that I tell her quit every day. We constantly discuss this and sometimes get in fights over this matter. I tell her that staying at this job is ruing hers and our life. However, the bottom line is that we cannot meet all of our financial responsibilities if she does not work. From previous threads here, I fully understand the tough job market. I don't know where to draw the line putting a price on time and money. To be noted, as compared to most people we relate to, we consider ourselves very frugal and not wasteful. Obviously that is a matter of opinion, but I don't see where we can really cut back.
Also confusing these matters, we want to start having our family within a year or two. We definitely want to try and have her stay home when this happens, but financially the outlook is grim. The only debt we are in right now is our mortgage, but our savings will most likely begin to deplete.
I also have some other issues in the back of my mind that I will just mention in passing. Over the last year or two, my relationship with my parents is rocky at best. It is decent at the moment, but I feel like it could drastically take a turn for the worse at any moment. I won't go into it, but my wife does not like or respect my parents at all. There are several very good and justifiable reasons for this, but it wears on me. I had a relationship with a friend that went along the same line, and I don't talk to him anymore. Also, I lost touch with most of college friends and fraternity brothers. I am friends/acquaintences with other musicians who have legit musical careers ahead of them. One one level I am happy for them, on the other I am jealous.
Overall, my current mantra is "so much to do so little time". There are so many things I am doing, so many things that I have to do, so many things that it seems like I have to do, and so many thing that I would like to do. It feels like I lost control of my life. It feels like I don't have any free time, or the power to control that. I am lost, and looking for a way to turn my and my wife's life around for the better, and for good. The ironic thing is that most people would generally describe me as one of the happiest people they know. If they only knew.
Thank you for listening.
Posts: 468 | Registered: Mar 2008
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quote:Originally posted by RivalOfTheRose: Overall, my current mantra is "so much to do so little time".
I hear ya, brother!
But I have to say, it sounds like you have taken back control on some key issues. For example, you saw the looming specter of employment instability, so you went back to school.
The thing is, you can't seize control of other people's issues. So while of course you get input on your wife's choice to work, at bottom, if she feels she needs to continue working there, that's mostly her choice, neh? Maybe instead of trying to convince her to quit, you can try to work with her on ways to make the situation less stressful for her and for you?
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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quote:Originally posted by RivalOfTheRose: Also confusing these matters, we want to start having our family within a year or two. We definitely want to try and have her stay home when this happens, but financially the outlook is grim.
I'm right here with you. The hormones gave me a kick in the pants and started asking did I really want to be 50 before my kid starts high school? And while it would be nice to move sooner, I just don't see that working.
I should only be a year away from getting the savings account back to where it needs to be and paying off the car loan - if my in-laws don't run out of money again before then. That is one fight I am not looking forward to with my husband. Then there's some ducks we need to get in a row, like some cosmetic dentistry we'll never be able to afford with a baby and deciding where we want to live cause it won't be here. We still need to get a house downpayment together.
At least the job market's expected to pick up any year now. We should be able to move somewhere with a cheaper cost of living this decade, right? Posts: 2283 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
I'm so sorry. I know the feeling, from being a teacher and working on my master's as well. I did the same thing - trying to add a new certification to improve my employability. Unfortunately, it hasn't paid off as I am currently unemployed.
When you get your salary bump from the master's, will it be enough to stop working the summer job? That might give you some more time, and if your wife has to continue working, you would at least be able to spend more time with future children at home during the summer, which might make things easier as you both work to get to a point where she can stay home if she wants to.
I know how hard it is right now, really I do. Don't assume that your wife can't find another job, however. There are jobs out there....and she should start looking now. She can job hunt while she is still employed. Maybe that way she can find something new that makes her happier. Good luck!
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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