posted
This Is a Post I did About Five Years Ago on Here
My first memory.......unfortunately it is not a true memory.... so this should be called a memory of a dream that feels more real than life.
or the memory that is but not at the time i thought it happened.
I have two fathers. The one who (how shall i put this delicately) genes i inherited and the one who adopted me. I have never really felt close to either one. My real father gave me up when i was 2. By this time he and my birth vessel had finnaly split up. He let his sister adopt us. He knew she would be better than him and that he would always be able to see us. I have since talked to both him and my mother about what really happened. I have learned that my earliest memory is not real. All these years i thought that this was what happened and it wasn't. You see Even before i conciously knew it i knew that the people i lived with were not the people i had lived with for the first two years of my life. I dont know how i knew i just knew. Something was missing. I went more places and did more things as a family with my birth parents than i ever did with my adaoptive parents. I found out i have been to places i never thought i had been to and lived inplaces i never thought i had lived in. I must have on a subcouncious level remembered this but not anywhere i could place it. but enough babbling, on to this untrue memory.
I am probably almost two years old. I know we lived in an apartment complex. I can still show it to you today if you and i ever end up together in my hometown. The first thing i remember is going across the street to the park. Just me my mother and my little sister. I remember this clearly. I know it is her because that is just how she looked in all of the old pictures i have seen. we rode the seesaw. I played on the slide and the swings. It is one of the few memeories i have of trully being happy in my life.
I had a wonderfull time.
eventually we went back to the complex. I rememeber seeing the most beautifull little girl in the world while running on the second story walkway. She had long straight shiny brown hair. The most beautifull blue eyes i have ever seen. I dont remember if i ever said anything too her. I just know that i liked her.
There is a gap here and the next memeory is of the moving men comming in and taking my toys away. I jumped on my riding horse (Ya remember those, the ones with the springs to make it bounse up and down) and i stayed on untill they forced me to get down. I was trully hurt and sad at that point.
Next i remember standing up in the front seat of my fathers truck with my mother next to her door and my little sister in between us. I am still unhappy and my father stops at a corner store and buys me a toy.
I was happy again.
Here is where the memory ends and my chil;dhood conjecture started. I knew that i ended up with my toys at my aunts house(the one who adopted me) and i just figured that this was a memeory of when i was left there by my parents.
I have long sinse talked to my grandmother, my real father and my mother(aunt) about what reaklly happened and how i was left with them. I have heard three different stories but that will follow at another time.
the point is is that nothing happened like i remember. My birth mother and father were no longer together at the time that i was left with my mother for the final time.
My earliest memory a lie..........
a lie............. a dream..............
it seems to real and to vivid to be a dream. I remember dreams i had when i was five and six (before i even knew one existed i was the fourth musketeer....that one was a reoccuring dream)and thats when this memory started to surface. Those dreams are not as clear and procise as this one.
I finally have found an explanation i am willing to accept.
My father said that many times before we were left for good we had been takin over to my aunts o stay while my parents split up and tried to go there seperate ways. each time they would end up back together and pick us back up. Myabe i am remembering one of those times.
Maybe my only memory of my birth mother is not a dream.......... i have never seen her since we were left the last time and i may never see her again. I want that one memery to be real. i want to think that ther last moments i spent with her were happy for both of us.
Posts: 1661 | Registered: Dec 2000
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The Funny thing Is i couldnt find any record of her ealier than 2001
SO i started trying to track down birth records on ancestry.com
I found her birth record and was going to look at it closer for clues.
Her Name was Linds K Pettus
I accidently clicked the name of a lindas J Pettus born in the same county a few years earlier and i end up finding the the birth record of my mothers brother.
I did a search for him using the various shitty tools available for you on the internet for a price and chose the only one that i thought might be him.
It was his fathers number.
I ended up getting ahold of my grandmother who i did not even know was alive. And she got me in touch with my real mother.
We were takin away from her and she was never able to contact me and my sister again because no one would help her.
She use to take us over to her sister in laws house so she could go to work in another town every weekend. One weekend something happened and she couldnt make it back. when she came to pick us up after the next weekend the law was there telling her that she could not have us anymore because papers had been filed on her for child abandonment. i know the woman that raised me and that is exactly something that controlling person would do. She hated my mother and she wanted us. My real father eventually signed the adoptiona papers for us three years later with the stipulation our names not be changed. This request was ignored.
My mother told me that she tried to fight it but she couldnt. For two years she would sit in the alley as close to my house as she could get and watch me play. Eventually she moved on. Every time she would try for the next twenty years to get to see us someone would offer to help and then be no help at all.
posted
Wow. That's an amazing story. My brother and his ex-girlfriend and 3-year-old daughter are in a similar situation now...so I was very touched at the end when you told your mother that memory you had ...I'm sure it meant the world to her.
Posts: 930 | Registered: Dec 2006
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posted
Thank You. The great thing about this site is you can rant and rave. Be funny. Be serious. Be stupid. Be goofy. Just be yourself. Let it all hang out in any form and fashion and get away with it because in the end we are all friends.
even those of you who cant seem do to anything but flame each other and argue all the time
Posts: 1661 | Registered: Dec 2000
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posted
Update...... My real parents are now living together again....My dad kept telling me when the saw each other for the first time in 37 years at my 39th Bday last year to not get my hopes uo my old man and mom would get back to gether. Told him it was the furthest thing from my mind. apparently it was not the furthest thing from his mind. All Of a sudden he is driving 8 hours every couple of weeks to visit (he hadnt come for a visit in the five years i lived here) next thing i know she moved away with him. Ahhh young rekindled Love.
Posts: 1661 | Registered: Dec 2000
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