posted
I'm a little confused about something and I was hoping for some advice. I'm deeply inside a character's point of view for a story I'm working on, and I'm wondering what to call her mother outside of dialogue. Since she thinks of her mom as mom, I suppose that's what I should use, but it doesn't feel right. I've always used the mom's actual first name in the past, but now that I've learned more about the third person pov I'm not sure that's right either. So, which is it?
"Stay away!" her mother said. "Stay away!" her mom said. "Stay away!" Mother said. "Stay away!" Mom said. "Stay away!" Susan said.
posted
Could you provide a sample paragraph or two so I can see how you are handling the POV? All of them would seem to work depending on the tone of the writing, so right now I can't decide which might be better. I need to see it in context.
Posts: 180 | Registered: Jan 2003
|
posted
I have read several stories where "Mom" was used and it looked quite good. However, the immersion in the character's point of view was deeper than average; it may depend on how deep you're going.
Posts: 55 | Registered: Feb 2002
|
posted
A little context. This one uses the "her mother" option...
The room was mostly dark. The T.V., showing the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, was the only source of light. Her mother sat on the sofa, facing away from her and toward the T.V. She was sobbing hysterically, but Keres could not see what might have frightened her. Paradoxically, this frightened her all the more.
“Mom?” Keres called hesitantly.
“Stay away!” her mother called.
Keres was not about to obey. Something was terribly wrong and she was going to find out what it was. Slowly, Keres began to circle the sofa so that she was facing her mother. As she rounded the corner, Keres saw a sight to make her heart stop, a sight she had certainly not been prepared for.
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited July 31, 2003).]
posted
I would like to make a stab at this. I think mother works. Since in the naration portion of the story I have read and been reminded that it tends to be more on the formal side. I have a big problem with keeping contractions out of my naration. I just sometimes feel 'don't' flows better than 'do not'. But I use 'do not' because I feel I'm supposed to.
Now for camparision I'm going to quote your section replacing Mother with Mom:
The room was mostly dark. The T.V., showing the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, was the only source of light. Her mom sat on the sofa, facing away from her and toward the T.V. She was sobbing hysterically, but Keres could not see what might have frightened her. Paradoxically, this frightened her all the more.
“Mom?” Keres called hesitantly.
“Stay away!” her mom called.
Keres was not about to obey. Something was terribly wrong and she was going to find out what it was. Slowly, Keres began to circle the sofa so that she was facing her mom. As she rounded the corner, Keres saw a sight to make her heart stop, a sight she had certainly not been prepared for.
Now that is only 3 times it was used but for me the tone of the story changes with the change of that one word.
Using Mother gives it a nice flow (IMO) and the use of mom seems to modify the flow of the story, but brings it in closer to the character.
posted
After reading your snippet, I would say all of them work. It just depends on the degree of intimacy you want the reader to have with your characters.
Here’s my reaction to each of the labels:
Calling the mother “Susan” distances the reader from both Keres and Susan, like looking at the scene through a window. Also, both Susan and Keres are equally identified by the reader. The reader feels equally close (or distant) to both of them.
Calling the mother “her mother” keeps us focused on Keres. Everything is seen from her perspective. We are not that close to Keres, but we know that the importance of things are seen through her filter.
Calling the mother “her mom” makes us more intimate with Keres. Now things are filtered not just by what is important to her, but by the importance her feeling give to those things. For instance, Keres might not care much for her mother, but she would care for her mom. “Her mother” is not necessarily her friend; “her mom” is.
Calling the mother “Mother” is similar to calling her “her mother,” but with a more authoritarian air. Susan is not then Keres’ mother; she becomes the one and only Mother is Keres’ life. This could be good or bad, depending on whether Mother is good or bad.
Finally, calling the mother “Mom” is like as definitive as calling her “Mother,” but with a friendlier, more intimate air. There is only one mother in the world, and she’s my Mom.
I would suggest either “her mother” or “Mother” from the snippet you gave, since they don’t seem that intimate with each other. But I think any of them will work.
(BTW, it wasn't very nice to leave the paragraph with a cliff-hanger. Now I'll never know what Keres saw! (At least until the story is published.) )
posted
I think AndrewR's analysis of the different options is right on target.
The only thing I would add is that I think that, because the likelihood of confusion is so low, it's possible to vary a little bit.
So you could use both "Mother" and "her mother," or "Mom" and "her mom," or even "Mom" and "her mother." (I think it would seem strange to combine "Mother" and "her mom.")
So, to use the example:
quote:Mom sat on the sofa, facing away from her and toward the T.V. She was sobbing hysterically, but Keres could not see what might have frightened her mother. Paradoxically, this frightened her all the more.
posted
If your main character thinks of her mom as mom then that is what you use and use caps. Ask most kids what their mother's name is and they will give you a blank look.
Then you stay (not just in POV) but in character with your POV character. One other thing--lots of passive voice in the snip form the story. It's a tense scene and can be made more so by using a more active word choice.
posted
How does the POV refer to the mother everywhere else in the? I don’t think the dialog tags would be any different. That is the internal ID the POV character has for this other character.
So for your example, I’d say use: Stay away!" her mother said. You refer to this character as "her mother" everywhere else in the passage. If she’s "Mom", then use Stay away!" Mom said. And so forth.
[This message has been edited by GZ (edited July 31, 2003).]
posted
here is what I would do, I would ask myself what the POV character thinks of her/his mother as, and then stick to it. For example if I was writing a character based on myself I would say,
"Close the door next time!" His mother said.
I would be less likely to say
"Close the door next time!" Elisabeth said.
Because in my relationship with my mother I do not call her Elisabeth, I call her mom or mother. Even now that I am grown I am still her child, so to speak.
However in another relationship, one more formal, the character could see her/his mother as "Sarah" or "Miriam" etc.
In OSC's Shadow Puppets I believe in Peter's POV he saw his parents most often from their actual names, but I think he used both.
Ok I've babbled my last on this,
my opinion is that you could interchange them however you like as long as the character has been established as all of those things to the reader. Though I prefer to keep the name consistant to each POV.
I think I've got it figured out. I'm going to switch between Mother and Mom depending upon the main character's opinion of her. At first she will be Mother because they don't get along. Gradually she will become Mom, as Keres begins to respect her, but in both cases the penetration is deep, which I'm trying for.
posted
Okay. So, she's a little too old for "mommy" or "mama". Since you're using Keres as your POV, I think you should use the tag that she would use when thinking about her mom.
I'm 33 and I never think of my dad as "John". He's Dad. But, my dad would think of his mother as "Nancy". (I guess he was always trying to show he was adult by using her name.)
How does Keres weight in on this? How does she think of her mom?
Printer-friendly view of this topic
)
