posted
I've just completed my short story 'The naming at the pool', and I'm looking for readers to send me some feedback on it. It's a fantasy story with a medieval (sort of) setting, about 9000 words long. Here are the first 13 lines of it (I posted the first version here some time ago):
Rhana was bathing in a pool deep within the forest, in the heavy shadows of the canopy, when she saw a man walk out from under the trees. He stared at her. He was filthy, covered with dust, and Rhana, frightened, read in his eyes the madness that the forest cast over those who did not know its true nature. She did not speak, and did not move. The man said, in a voice that rang still with the cries of the birds under the trees, 'They cast me out.' Looking into his eyes, Rhana felt an odd kind of pity rise in her. 'They cast me out with nothing, not even the clothes on my back, not even a name.' She spoke at last, dredged up the words from some infinitely far away place. 'Who-?' He did not answer. The eyes did not see her nakedness either. They stood for a while staring at each other, without a word, while green light shimmered around them. 'You have no name,' Rhana whispered.
[This message has been edited by Silver6 (edited May 27, 2004).]