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All right, this piece needs feedback. I have a few ideas of what's wrong with it, but my own biased opinions will get me no where. It's a 2400 word science fiction piece. (So die-hard fantasy fanatics be warned. ) It's very different from the things I normally do and the style I normally write, for those who have read my work before. For one thing, it's in first person, which I normally shy away from but which this story needed, in my opinion. Also, it's pretty dark. Well, enough....let me give you the first few lines as a sample, but I really need volunteers to read the whole thing as just the first few lines can't tell you, and therefore can't tell me, what the problems are with this story.
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I know you think I am a monster. That is how history has remembered me, and I understand your point of view. But before you condemn me, perhaps you will let me explain the choices I had at the time. For you it has been ten generations, long enough for you to forget how things once were, long enough for you to forget the fear.
The day it happened began like any other day. I stood in the observation deck, looking down on the peaceful little planet we had come to explore. I did not know at the time that it was inhabited; I only hoped it would suit our needs. It seemed to share many properties with our own world, at least, before the pillaging of resources.
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited June 11, 2004).]
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) It's very different from the things I normally do and the style I normally write, for those who have read my work before. For one thing, it's in first person, which I normally shy away from but which this story needed, in my opinion. Also, it's pretty dark. Well, enough....let me give you the first few lines as a sample, but I really need volunteers to read the whole thing as just the first few lines can't tell you, and therefore can't tell me, what the problems are with this story. 
