I saw this one a while back when you posted it last time. I have to warn you that I am more interested not after reading this new 13 lines, but after reading your synopsis of what the rest of the story is about. Though I understand where Tittle is, the opening didn't quite grab me. This is all STRICTLY opinion, but if Jake is the main character and Tittle is the stowaway, you may want to start off with Jake. You can't please all readers, but this one would be happier meeting Jake right from the start. Others, from the comments I have seen, have taken to Tittle fairly well.

The setting is nice and bug sized, which, given the current main character, fits well. I don't know what a Barzig is (or why it's capitalized...but that's okay if you describe it later on).

Tittle's trouble with the wind and the resulting tumble he takes paints him immediately as kind of a klutz (which can be endearing when added to his "eew, gross" reaction to the syrup and anger at getting laughed at...a klutz with an ego). The reason I see it that way, is that he seems to have no apparent control over the wind that lifts a wing and drops him somewhere he doesn't want to be. The klutz idea would go away if it was a sudden gust of wind that he couldn't fight and it forced him into that tube.

The next couple of comments are purely grammar.

1) You may want to clean up some of the description surrounding the dialogue:
Quote: “Aaaagh, he exclaimed as he pulled himself free and vainly tried to scrape the tacky liquid off his delicate wings. “That is disgusting.”

The act of pulling oneself free of syrup and scraping it off your wings is a little long to do while exclaiming "Aaagh." The description and actions are okay, but they need to be in a separate sentence. Maybe have him reflect, after he pulls himself free, that "That was disgusting." Just an opinion.

2) Quote: Tumbling over and over, he plummeted down between the pollen sacs and finally rolling down a gentle slope, he landed right into a puddle of sticky syrup.

"finally rolling down a gentle slope" throws off the flow of the sentence. You need at least a comma before finally. You may consider replacing "finally" with ", after" and "right into" with "right in".

This was really long. Sorry about that. I do like Tittle, even if the opening seems to throw me off the purpose a little, and I like the language. I am curious, based on your synopsis, of how this quest gets started and what the heck it is for (especially if Tittle is decisively engaged in the plot).

I apologize for the length of this one (I tend to get a little verbose sometimes). I'm not ready to read this one yet, but you have peaked my curiosity. If you post a little more about the rest or alter the opening that foretells a little, then I will probably take a look at it.

-Braddock

Go ahead and send it my way. I'm doing this with some reservation (but mostly because I am busy and 17,000 words is a little ambitious for me to tackle before the end of next week...).

Another side note that I was thinking of though...your dialogue "Aaagh" and "Haaa ha ha" paints this as a child's novel in my mind (not that this is bad). The laughter would work just as well if you just described "raucous laughter" or someone bursting out laughing nearby. Ha ha seems to target a younger audience.