The pair walked along the sidewalk holding hands as well as a quiet conversation on this balmy evening. There was no moon and this made it difficult to see any kind of detail, they just appeared to be just large blobs strolling blissfully along. Of course, there was no one outside at this time of night to see them anyway. Finally, the taller of the pair sighed.
A distinctly male voice punctured the damp night air, "Well Sally, it's too bad we have to do this, I really hate it. Did you know that he was among the first to be recruited when the boss had to expand due to the overwhelming increase in the need for his service?"
Sally's beautiful contralto replied, "He was? Then this is going to be even rougher than I thought. It's a real shame..

Your opening has left me confused. I don't know who these people are and you haven't given me reason to care. This is a concern considering it's only 1500 words. This needs a sharp hook and I don't see one.
I don't know who's POV this is. Is it an observer? If so you say so.

quote:

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The pair [you should say who this pair is. Withholding the information does not work] walked along the sidewalk holding hands >as well as< [too wordy. How about having] a quiet conversation on this balmy evening. There was no moon >and this made it difficult to see any kind of detail,< [yikes, you're writing down to your reader] they just appeared to be just large blobs strolling blissfully along. [who is making this observation?] >Of course,< cut there was no one outside at this time of night to see them >anyway< cut. >Finally,< cut the taller of the pair sighed.
A distinctly male voice punctured the damp night air, [I don't know about this. Why not just use this person's name and 'said'?] "Well Sally, it's too bad we have to do this, I really hate it. Did you know that he was among the first [Now who are they talking about?] to be recruited when the boss had to expand due to the overwhelming increase in the need for his service?"
Sally's beautiful contralto replied, "He was? Then this is going to be even rougher than I thought. It's a real shame..

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I suggest you really reconsider rewriting this opening. It looks like you are trying a subtle lure, it isn't drawing me in. I suspect that you could do without this entire opening. From my perspective, I can't see how any of this will forward your tale, of course I am making that assumption on these 13 lines.
Hope this helps.

quote:

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The pair[[Perhaps couple]] walked along the sidewalk holding hands as well as a quiet conversation on this balmy evening[[This makes me think tense confusion]]. There was no moon and this[[again tense throws me...which]] made it difficult to see any kind of detail,[[period or semi-colon]] they just appeared to be just large blobs strolling b][blissfully[/b]cut along. Of course, there was no one outside at this time of night to see them anyway. Finally, the taller of the pair sighed.
A distinctly male voice punctured the damp[[this seems non sequitar...perhapsstillness of]] night air, "Well Sally,[[Well Sally it seems there is something being witheld here] it's too bad we have to do this, I really hate it. Did you know that he[[Who?]] was among the first to be recruited when the boss had to expand due to the overwhelming increase in the need for his service?"
Sally's beautiful contralto replied, "He was? Then this is going to be even rougher than I thought. It's a real shame..

---

There seemed to be three pieces of disjoined ideas here.

1)We seem to have a couple strolling along, looking at the moon.

2)A distinctly male voice, which to this point I thought was the POV character, breaks the silence. There seemed a major POV issue here. Who's voice? Why is announced as a distinctly male voice. Ifit is as the structure of the paragragh indicates--The man of the couple?--then why would she(the POV?)not say, Tim's deep voice broke the silence?

3)So begins a dialogue in which we are vaguely introduce to an unknown character, which in a way feels like a devise to generate interest, but also seems to be a POV violation, as the POV characters would at least know his name, but I had alot of trouble distinguishing the POV anyway. From what I gather the MC is the woman--Sally.

So I never felt a speculative element. There was some vague evidence toward the end, but I don't really know who the MC is, which is the first thing I look for. I want to shake hands with the character. Then I can determine whether or not I am compassionate or loathing toward their plight quest or conflict, or even something subtle in there situation if the world or scene seems interesting to me.

If you would like, I will gladly look over the whole thing. I have a suspicion that the story starts in the wrong place. THat being said, feel free to send it if you want.

I hope I don't have to edit all my coding above I DID!

[This message has been edited by Bent Tree (edited June 30, 2008).]
And again!