quote:

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18 year old Del Baldura is about to become the eye of the storm, when Gadion Faction, Confederation and the alien war collide.

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Just want to clarify this. It tells me that Del Baldura is the calming factor, as the 'eye of the storm' is the calmest part. Is this what you meant? If so, then great! Also, spell eighteen.

'Ultimate domination'sounds a little cliche. My suggestion would be to reword that part.

As a query, it would probably need a little more, as a pitch, you'd probably need to say something like (making it up here):

Del Baldera couldn't have imagined an alien race, let alone two, nor that he would have become embrioled within their war, when it collided with Gadion Faction's attempt to gain control over everything he knew.

Ok, not very good, but just an idea. Hope this helps.

Edited to add italics.

War between two alien civilizations threatens to spill into
Confederation space. On earth the leader of the terrorist organization Gadion Faction seeks ultimate domination. Unwittingly, Del is sucked into the maelstrom as Gadion Faction, Confederation and aliens collide
in a struggle for survival.

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When eighteen-year old Del Baldura joined the StarScouts to explore the galaxy, he knew his life would become dangerous, perilous, and chancy. He was right on all three. From being caught in a a giant acid tsunami, to becoming a target for the evil Gadion Faction and finding himself in the middle of a war between two alien races, Del fights for survival and honor.

Compounding his struggles, Del must face and overcome his family's legacy of dishonor and distrust. Years before, Del's father Dak, a renowned StarScout, took his team to an alien work on a routine mission. Dak never returned. Sinister rumors arose of stolen Kolomite ore, Dak's desertion that led to his team's death, and a traitorous relationship with the evil Gadions.

With past events weighing heavily in his life, Del drives himself to prove worthy of the title StarScout. But first he must win approval of his ScoutMaster and pass the dreaded No-Notice Exam. Before the test even begins, assailants, presumed to be Gadion Faction, kidnap Del and his teammates. Blackmailed into helping their captors, the young scouts find themselves on alien worlds battling star creatures and hostile environments.

The climax occurs when Del and his team make First Contact with two alien races. They find themselves in the middle of an ancient galactic war. The humans befriend one species against the other. Del displays great courage, but the pact is costly as all four of Del's team fall in the conflict. Though wounded, Del is rescued and returns to Earth.

As the novel concludes, Del is devastated by his loss and wonders if he will ever be rid of his father's legacy. He has flashbacks of his experiences on the First Contact planet. In one such occurrence he makes the amazing discovery that his friends did not die; they are captives of one of the alien species, which provides the opening for the sequel.

[This message has been edited by palmon (edited November 12, 2007).]

I think you simply give too much detail. (Please keep in mind this is my opinion, of course.) For instance these parts: "But first he must win approval of his ScoutMaster and pass the dreaded No-Notice Exam. Before the test even begins... He has flashbacks of his experiences on the First Contact planet."

This is going into more detail than I would personally expect to see in a query letter which is just a sales tool to get the agent to look at the details.

It is essential to keep firmly in mind that for the query letter you are a salesperson, selling looking further at your work.

Your novel sounds interesting though.

quote:

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Del’s mother tells him the truth when she dies. The truth throws Del into the maelstrom when the forces of the Confederation, a powerful terrorist group and the war between two ancient civilizations collide.

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