--------------------------------------

When Neska accidentally becomes a mage, she struggles to control her unwanted magic and to use it against the usurper who wants her dead. Baleren murders the king and slaughters Neska’s clan, but she manages to escape. In a nearby town, Neska signs on to guide an escaping mage through her native mountains, the mage is killed and his tattoos appear on her palms. The tattoos contain great power...power she cannot control...power Baleren will do anything to acquire.

A mage offers to help her master her ability to not only read but to cloud the minds of others, and they plan to join the rightful heir to the murdered king. They fight their way through a war-torn land, hunted by traitors, Baleren’s army and his half-demon minions. Haunted by deaths and with the usurper's victory imminent, Neska must conquer the magic of the tattoos if she hopes to triumph.

The Gallor clan is attacked by Baleren’s troops, and Neska tries to fight off the attackers. She is forced to flee, but rescues one villager, a young boy. The two hide and, in spite of an injury, Neska manages to get the boy to a town near their native mountains and remains in the area using her skills as a hunter to earn her way. Offered a job as a guide for a mage fleeing the usurper, now King Baleren, she accepts as this will give her the chance to join those resisting Baleren. However, the mage is killed by an assassin and to her consternation, when she touches his body his magic tattoos and his power transfer to her.

Erlant, a powerful mage, his assistant, Marztal, and the swordsman, Heyvad, locate her. Erlant knows that the tattoos move to a new bearer when someone who has them is killed and that King Baleren will hunt whoever has them. Neska learns about the powerful abilities that the tattoos convey and of the danger if she doesn’t learn to control them. Neska is horrified by this power, but agrees to allow Erlant to help her control it.

They are pursued by the King’s troops, including a Chanwe, a half-demon, who is able to sense the presence of magic users. When they are caught, a battle ensues, and they kill their pursuers. They expect to meet Prince Matton, heir of the murdered king, but he doesn’t keep their rendezvous.

They reach the city of Boergaz where they hide as Neska struggles with Erlant as her teacher to bring her powers under control, and Martzal scries for pursuers. Neska manages to enter the mind of the governor of the city and the Chanwe are expected to bring news of the Prince’s capture at any time since he is surrounded. Neska and her companions flee. However, their flight comes too late and they are pursued. When Neska manages to fog the mind of the Chanwe leading the pursuit, the four of them escape.

Believing that the Prince would be taken to the Chanwe stronghold if he had been captured, they go near there. They plan that Heyvad will try to infiltrate the stronghold as he has no magic and will locate the prince. However, while they are looking for information, Martzal disappears. Heyvad returns with the information that the Prince is being held prisoner. They decide that the only way to rescue the Prince and Marztal is to be taken prisoner themselves, so they get close enough to the Chanwe headquarters for Erlant’s magic to be detected, knowing there is a terrible risk.

The Chanwe take them prisoner, beating Elrant into unconsciousness. Neska and Heyvad are thrown into a cell where Marztal lies dead. Heyvad has secreted a lockpick in the seam of his pants. Neska is tempted to use her magic, but the Chanwe seem to have not detected it so they decide not to take the chance. They find Elrant who is badly injured, and locate the Prince who has been tortured. After escaping the headquarters, they are found by one of the Chanwe, Kiru, who offers to help them. He has been forced into service to the Chanwe overlord as are most of the Chanwe. They escape with his help.

They reach a village where a healer aids them. However the Chanwe have again tracked them down. They fight the King’s troops off and escape, fleeing toward Parkesian where an army of exiles is gathering to support the Prince.

The trip there is terrible. Both the Prince and Erlant still suffer from their injuries, but at last they reach the awaiting army. The Prince readies them to march as Neska and Erlant decide the best way to aid in the defeat of Baleren.

Erlant has recovered and again works with Neska as her powers continue to grow as her tattoos cover more of her hands and arms. The army fights several small battles against Baleren’s troops, but once the Prince and his army win some victories many of Baleren’s troops desert. Kiru negotiates so that even some of the Chanwe join their force. Near the capitol, they corner Baleren’s army. Baleren escapes the battle but is again trapped nearby. His magician attacks Neska as she tries to trick them into surrendering. Erlant kills the attacking mage, and Neska immobilizes the usurper so the Prince can capture him. He is executed, and the war is over.

The people of the capitol greet the returning Prince who prepares for a coronation and asks Neska and Erlant to become his advisors. Kiru reveals that the tattoos which Neska has now mastered came from the same land where the Chanwe originated, but there doesn’t seem to be any way for her to rid herself of them. Now she has to accept that she is indeed a mage.

----------------------------------------------------------

What? No one is going to come along and chop my horrible synopsis to pieces? I swear that Miss Snark once said that she had seen exactly 3 good ones in her entire career. I'm sure this wouldn't be on that list.

[This message has been edited by JeanneT (edited November 01, 2007).]

It's not bad but its too long and you seem to start twice.Most agents want a one or two page single spaced synopsis. You can salvage some of the great lines from the draft queries and trim a lot off this.

My take:

quote:

---

When Neska accidentally becomes a mage, she struggles to control her unwanted magic and to use it against the usurper who wants her dead. Not hooky enough because there is too much going on here Baleren murders the king and slaughters Neska’s clan, but she manages to escape. Who's Baleren In a nearby town, Neska signs on to guide an escaping mage through her native mountains, the mage is killed and his tattoos appear on her palms. again too much happening The tattoos contain great power Which is? ...power she cannot control...power Baleren will do anything to acquire.

Name A mage offers to help her master her ability to not only read but to cloud the minds of others, and I'd break this into two sentances they plan to join the rightful heir to the murdered king. They fight their way through a war-torn land, hunted by traitors, Baleren’s army and his half-demon minions. a bit listy even if it is a short list Haunted by deaths Hu? and with the usurper's victory imminent, Neska must conquer the magic of the tattoos if she hopes to triumph.

The Gallor clan who are they? {/b] is attacked by Baleren’s troops, and Neska tries to fight off the attackers [b] details here would be good . She is forced to flee, but rescues one villager, a young boy the rest of the village is destroyed? . The two hide and, in spite of an injury what injury and what happened to the mage?, Neska manages to get the boy to a town near their native mountains and remains in the area using her skills as a hunter to earn her way. Offered a job as a guide for a mage another fleeing mage? What are they, rate fleeing a sinking ship fleeing the usurper, now King Baleren, shstronghold as he has no magic and will locate the prince. However, while they are looking for information, Martzal disappears. Heyvad returns with the information that the Prince is being held prisoner. skip to the plan They decide that the only way to rescue the Prince and Marztal is to be taken prisoner themselves, so they get close enough to the Chanwe headquarters for Erlant’s magic to be detected, knowing there is a terrible risk.

The Chanwe take them prisoner, beating Elrant into unconsciousness. Neska and Heyvad are thrown into a cell where Marztal lies dead. Heyvad has secreted a lockpick in the seam of his pants. Neska is tempted to use her magic, but the Chanwe seem to have not detected it so they decide not to take the chance. They find Elrant who is badly injured, and locate the Prince who has been tortured. After escaping the headquarters, they are found by one of the Chanwe, Kiru, who offers to help them. He has been forced into service to the Chanwe overlord as are most of the Chanwe. They escape with his help. more detail on Kiru would be helpful to make this believable and less Deus Ex ,

They reach a village where a healer aids them. However the Chanwe have again tracked them down. They fight the King’s troops off and escape, fleeing toward Parkesian Pakastan? where an army of exiles is gathering to support the Prince.

The trip there is terrible. if your not going to tell me why you can drop this line Both the Prince and Erlant still suffer from their injuries, but at last they reach the awaiting army. The Prince readies them to march as Neska and Erlant decide the best way to aid in the defeat of Baleren.

Erlant has recovered and again works with Neska as her powers continue to grow as her tattoos cover more of her hands and arms. The army fights several small battles against Baleren’s troops, but once the Prince and his army win some victories many of Baleren’s troops the demons desert? Doesn't he have some way of controling them? desert. Kiru negotiates so that even some of the Chanwe join their force. how? Near the capitol, they corner Baleren’s army. Baleren escapes the battle but is again trapped nearby. His magician attacks Neska as she tries to trick them into surrendering. this detail would be nice Erlant kills the attacking mage, and Neska immobilizes the usurper so the Prince can capture him. He is executed, and the war is over. well if he's going to execute Baleren - just say it and save the second line

The people of the capitol greet the returning Prince who prepares for a coronation and asks Neska and Erlant to become his advisors. Kiru reveals that the tattoos which Neska has now mastered came from the same land where the Chanwe originated, but there doesn’t seem to be any way for her to rid herself of them. Now she has to accept that she is indeed a mage. hasn't she yet?

---

My suggestions:

When Neska accidentally becomes a sorceress, her magical tattoo tries to kill her. Or get her killed. Whichever comes first.

Lord Beleren murders the king and seizes the throne. When her mountain village refuses to swear fealty to the usurper, he sends his half-demon minions, the Chanwe. to raze the town. Neska escapes because she was out hunting when the Chanwe attack.

She agrees to led a mage through the mountains to escape Beleren. However, they are ambushed and he is fatally wounded. Before he dies his strange lion tatoos appear on Neska's hands. She starts hearing voices in her head and realizes that the tattoo causes her to completely enter another person's mind--whether or not she wants to.

Unable escape the assualt of the foreign thoughts, Neska is slowly going insane. Her salvation may rest with Erlant, a mage who can help her control the magic that has been thrust upon her. But in return for his teaching, he wants her to help him restore Prince Matton, the rightful heir, to the throne. Worse, King Baleron is searching for whoever inherited the lion tattoo.

The Chanwe can scent magic and Beleron releases them to hunt down and slaughter all the realm's mages. Using her barely controlled powers, Neska learns that the Chanwe have captured Prince Matton. She and Erlant travel to the Chanwe stronghold. Unable to devise a better plan to gain access to the fortress, they allow themselves to be captured. The Chanwe don't detect Neska's magic but the beat Erlant unconcious. Neska escapes from the cell she's been thrown in with the help of another prisoner. She locates Erlant and together they free Prince Matton.

Thier path to freedom is blocked by Kiru, a Chanwe. He offers to assist them if Elrant can free him of the magic that binds Kiru to Beleren. With Kiru's help, they avoid the maurading Chanwe bands and join the exiles gathering to support the Prince's bid to reclaim his kingdom.

In the fight for the capital city, Neska uses her magic to immobilize Beleren. He is captured and executed by the Prince. In return for their service, the Prince offers Neska and Erlant positions as his advisors. Kiru then tells Neska that her tattoos originated in his homeland. However, there isn't any way to remove them. Neska finally accepts that she is a mage and assumes her new position as Matton's advisor.

***

Hope this helps.

[This message has been edited by kings_falcon (edited November 02, 2007).]

I'm assuming and editor is going to be reading this to get the plot line and gist of the story. However, it felt incredibly dry and mealy to me. What's lacking in my opinion is a stronger sense of story craft. Rather, you've just laid down events in the most direct way possible. Maybe an editor would appreciate it written this way, but I found it difficult to read. What I don't get is a sense of emotional drama and tension. At what point does she think she's going to fail? At what point does she decide to accept her power, or does she go though wishing the mage would take it away from her? Without these elements, to me, the synopsis just seems like one pursuit after another. It's only at the beginning and the end that you insert Neska's emotional drama and growth about the tattoos. A large section of the middle of the plot is taken up with "they" doing this that and the other thing. It made me rather lose sight of the protagonist's journey.

Also, I 'gree kings_falcon here, you do seem to have a couple false starts which confused me.

quote:

---

When Neska accidentally becomes a mage, she struggles to control her unwanted magic and to use it against the usurper who wants her dead. Baleren murders the king and slaughters Neska’s clan, but she manages to escape. In a nearby town, Neska signs on to guide an escaping mage through her native mountains, the mage is killed and his tattoos appear on her palms. The tattoos contain great power...power she cannot control...power Baleren will do anything to acquire.

A mage offers to help her master her ability to not only read but to cloud the minds of others, and they plan to join the rightful heir to the murdered king. They fight their way through a war-torn land, hunted by traitors, Baleren’s army and his half-demon minions. Haunted by deaths and with the usurper's victory imminent, Neska must conquer the magic of the tattoos if she hopes to triumph. This seemed too repetitive of the paragraph above.

The Gallor clan is attacked by Baleren’s troops, and Neska tries to fight off the attackers.[b]When I read this first sentence I thought this was a different event than what happened above, since we'd already gone through the beginning twice. She is forced to flee, but rescues one villager, a young boy. The two hide and, in spite of an injury, Neska manages to get the boy to a town near their native mountains and remains in the area using her skills as a hunter to earn her way. Offered a job as a guide for a mage fleeing the usurper, now King Baleren, she accepts as this will give her the chance to join those resisting Baleren. However, the mage is killed by an assassin and to her consternation, when she touches his body his magic tattoos and his power transfer to her.

Erlant, a powerful mage, his assistant, Marztal, and the swordsman, Heyvad, locate her. Erlant knows that the tattoos move to a new bearer when someone who has them is killed and that King Baleren will hunt whoever has them. Neska learns about the powerful abilities that the tattoos convey and of the danger if she doesn’t learn to control them. Neska is horrified by this power, but agrees to allow Erlant to help her control it.

They are pursued by the King’s troops, including a Chanwe, a half-demon, who is able to sense the presence of magic users. When they are caught, a battle ensues, and they kill their pursuers. They expect to meet Prince Matton, heir of the murdered king, but he doesn’t keep their rendezvous.They had a rendezvous? When did this happen?

They reach the city of Boergaz where they hide as Neska struggles with Erlant as her teacher to bring her powers under control, and Martzal scries for pursuers. Neska manages to enter the mind of the governor of the city and the Chanwe are expected to bring news of the Prince’s capture at any time since he is surrounded. Neska and her companions flee. However, their flight comes too late and they are pursued. When Neska manages to fog the mind of the Chanwe leading the pursuit, the four of them escape.

Believing that the Prince would be taken to the Chanwe stronghold if he had been captured, they go near there. They plan that Heyvad will try to infiltrate the stronghold as he has no magic and will locate the prince.Doesn't make sense to me. However, while they are looking for information What info? Where the prince is? Be specific., Martzal disappears. Heyvad returns with the information that the Prince is being held prisoner Don't they already suspect this? It's why they came here, I thought.. TheyWho is "they" at this point? I'd suggest keeping your protagonist as your subject. decide that the only way to rescue the Prince and Marztal is to be taken prisoner themselves, so they get close enough to the Chanwe headquarters for Erlant’s magic to be detected, knowing there is a terrible risk.

The Chanwe take them prisoner, beating Elrant into unconsciousness. Neska and Heyvad are thrown into a cell where Marztal lies dead. Heyvad has secreted a lockpick in the seam of his pants. Neska is tempted to use her magic, but the Chanwe seem to have not detected it so they decide not to take the chance. They find Elrant who is badly injured, and locate the Prince who has been tortured. After escaping the headquarters, they are found by one of the Chanwe, Kiru, who offers to help them. He has been forced into service to the Chanwe overlord as are most of the Chanwe. They escape with his help.

They reach a village where a healer aids them. However the Chanwe have again tracked them down. They fight the King’s troops off and escape, fleeing toward Parkesian where an army of exiles is gathering to support the Prince.

The trip there is terrible.I would cut the first sentence, and just show us how terrible it is. Both the Prince and Erlant still suffer from their injuries, but at last they reach the awaiting army. The Prince readies them to march as Neska and Erlant decide the best way to aid in the defeat of Baleren.

Erlant has recovered and again works with Neska as her powers continue to grow as her tattoos two "as" phrases in a row. cover more of her hands and arms. The army fights several small battles against Baleren’s troops, but once the Prince and his army win some victories many of Baleren’s troops desert. Kiru negotiates so that even some of the Chanwe join their force. Near the capitol, they corner Baleren’s army. Baleren escapes the battle but is again trapped nearby. His magician attacks Neska as she tries to trick them into surrendering. Erlant kills the attacking mage, and Neska immobilizes the usurper so the Prince can capture him. He is executed, and the war is over.

The people of the capitol greet the returning Prince who prepares for a coronation and asks Neska and Erlant to become his advisors. Kiru reveals that the tattoos which Neska has now mastered came from the same land where the Chanwe originated, but there doesn’t seem to be any way for her to rid herself of them. Now she has to accept that she is indeed a mage. Did she become an advisor, too? Unclear what happens. Are you leaving this open for a sequel? I ask this because the mystery of the tattoo's origins seem to leave an opening for that.

---

By the way, king's falcon, when you go over one page in a synopsis the "standard" formatting (I am told) is to go to double spacing. The standard length is 3 to 5 pages double spaced. This is just barely onto a 4th page. There are very few who limit it to one page (and that is seriously my idea of hell. I've had to cut a 4 page synopsis to 1 page in the past).

But you're right that it is in severe need of work. Your suggested revisions are certainly better than the original.

It is very hard to manage to try to get some emotion in with having to get in a description of the essential plot elements within a VERY limited space. I realize I left out almost all of the emotion. I just don't see any way to get it in. I was worried if I say Neska does this or that, that it would sound like she was alone and she has companions in a large part of the novel. There are whole subplots that aren't even mentioned.

I forget about the pressure of Nano since I always end up in the middle of writing something when it comes around and don't want to take the time from what I am writing for a month long competition.

Thanks for interrupting to give me some comments.

When Neska accidentally becomes a sorceress, her magical tattoo may kill her. Or get her killed. Whichever comes first.

Lord Beleren murders the king and seizes the throne. When her mountain village refuses to swear fealty to the usurper, he sends his troops led by his foreign half-demon minions, the Chanwe, to raze the town. Neska tries to fight off the attackers and barely escapes, after taking an injury in the fight.

She agrees to lead a mage through the mountains to escape Beleren. However, the mage is attacked and killed before they leave. When she touches his body, his strange elaborate tattoos appear on Neska's hands. She starts hearing voices in her head and realizes that the tattoo causes her to completely enter another person's mind--and she cannot control it.

She fears she is going insane. Her salvation may rest with Erlant, a mage who can help her control the magic that has been thrust upon her. But in return for his teaching, he wants her to help him restore Prince Matton, only child of the murdered king, to the throne. However, the prince does not appear for a planned rendezvous, and Erlant fears he may have been captured. Worse, King Baleron is searching for whoever inherited the tattoo.

The Chanwe can sense magic, and Beleron charges them to hunt down and slaughter all the realm's mages. Using her barely controlled powers, Neska learns that the Chanwe have captured Prince Matton. In spite of beginning to learn to control her power, she hates doing so since she feels that the ability to enter and control someone else's mind makes her a kind of rapist. She feels unclean using it even against her enemies.

She and Erlant with two companions travel to the Chanwe stronghold. Unable to devise a better plan to gain access to the fortress, they allow themselves to be captured. The Chanwe don't detect Neska's magic, but they beat Erlant unconcious. Neska escapes from the cell she's been thrown in with the help of another companion, locates Erlant and together they free Prince Matton.

Their path to freedom is blocked by Kiru, a Chanwe. He reveals that the Chanwe are little more than prisoners of their overlords rented out as mercenaries from an ongoing struggle in their homeland, and he offers to help Neska and her companions escape if they let him flee with them. With Kiru's help, they avoid the Chanwe and join the exiles gathering to support the Prince's bid to reclaim his kingdom.

They reach a village where a healer aids them. However the Chanwe have again tracked them down. They fight the King’s troops off and escape, fleeing toward Parkesian where an army of exiles is gathering to support the Prince. Both the Prince and Erlant still suffer from their injuries, but at last they reach the awaiting army.

The Prince readies them to march as Neska and Erlant debate the best way to aid in the defeat of Baleren. Erlant again works with Neska as her powers continue to grow and her tattoos cover more of her hands and arms although she still struggles with her hatred of this power.

With Neska and Erlant's aid, the Prince's army is able to push Baleren’s troops to the capitol. Once the Prince and his army win some victories many of Baleren’s troops desert, but they are still badly outnumbered.

In the fight for the capital city, Neska uses her magic to immobilize Beleren. He is captured and executed by the Prince. In return for their service, the Prince offers Neska and Erlant positions as his advisors. Kiru then tells Neska that her tattoos originated in his homeland. However, he knows of no way to remove them. Neska finally accepts that she is a mage and assumes her new position as Matton's advisor.

--------------------------------

This ignores most of the emotional stuff and all of the relationship building, leaves out all of the important secondary characters except Erlant, one of whom dies while they're a prisoner of the Chanwe. But how much can you possibly get in within a couple of pages? I'd like to keep it to about 750 words.

The tattoos, by the way, are non-representational. It's kind of an elaborate Indianish (from India not native American) kind of pattern. Teardrops, petal shapes, kind of like stylized flowers in muted but very clear blues, purples, and greens with a gold outline. It starts on the palms of her hands and "grows" as she uses her powers until they gradually cover her hands and arms. But it starts with a teardrop shape on each palm.

She at the least deeply dislikes, even hates, her power to enter someone else's mind. She feels that it makes her a kind of rapist and feels unclean using it even against her enemies. Hmmmm Maybe I should put at least that much in the synopsis.

That is a fairly decent length, better than my first try for sure, thanks to the help.

I'm sure it could still use work but it's improving. Thanks again, guys.

[This message has been edited by JeanneT (edited November 02, 2007).]

I still think you help yourself by telling us that the tattoo starts as a simple teardrop and grows and spreads in random patterns/ shapes each time she uses her new power.

Her "through line" is that she's inherited not magic that she wants but one that she is repelled by. She needs to accept and find who she is now. This is probably less of an "Events" story and more of a "Character" one. If that's true, lessen the promience of the events. Show us events only as they change/work on her character.

The capture is a real emotional low point but there isn't any sense (in the synopsis) that she can fail. Focus on Neska's stuggle to accept what she can do. The line about seeing her powers as a form of rape was excellent. Play on that tension.

How does Neska come to be at peace with the magic? Or does she? Does she only "accept" it because she can't get rid of it? Or has she reconciled the ethics to something she can live with i.e. I've only killed bad guys?

To make the synopsis work you have to chuck all the sub-plots and minor characters and focus on the MC's journey. The other stuff gets mentioned only as it affects that trip.

Good luck.

I think the beginning is stronger than the end, at which point I still feel as if I've lost track of what the story is, i.e., the journey of your MC.

I'm not necessarily saying you have to add more emotional development rather than try to couch all the events that happen in terms of being cause by, or causing, character development. Right now, her arc of transgressing from an unwilling sorceress to accepting that is lost in the nitty gritty of this happened, then that happened. Then it's tagged on at the end, but it loses it's impact because we weren't show how much of a struggle it was for her going on. I'm left unclear what the climax is. I'm guessing it's the final battle with Beleren where she has to enter his mind. But the tension is lost because there's no indication of what a struggle this is for her, why it's a struggle, and what she must overcome/ learn/ do/ develop to overcome it.

A few things I thought of that could be addressed:
> What does her training accomplish? What must she struggle with as she's being trained?
> What is the final emotional/ character development climax in the book? Is it when she must overcome her loathing of her powers to help her friends in the final battle?

This is my rendition. I had to speculate on a few things, of course, but I think it illustrates my purpose.

quote:

---

Neska’s magical tattoo just might kill her. Or get her killed, whichever comes first.

When the usurper Beleren razes her mountain village, Neska barely manages to escape. She vows to get revenge on Beleren and his half-demon minions, the Chanwe.

While recovering from her injury, Neska encounters a mage and agrees to help him escape the Chanwe, who can smell out magic and were sent by Beleren to destroy all who practice magic. Before they can leave, the mage is killed. When Neska touches his body, his tattoos disappear and appear on her, as a small tear drop on her palm. She starts hearing voices, and realizes the tattoos have given her the ability to invade other people’s minds, a power she cannot control.

Afraid her new power will drive her insane, she is relieved to find an offer of help from the mage Erlant. But in return, he asks her to help him restore Prince Matton, true heir to the throne of ___. She agrees, desperate to be rid of her new powers and eager at the chance to strike at Beleren. However, when the Prince fails to meet them as arranged, Erlant fears he may be captured. Worse, Neska discovers Beleren is searching for whoever inherited the tattoo. She cannot rid herself of the tattoo, and now she must fight Beleren to save her own life.

With Erlant, she’s begun to explore the tattoo’s strange power, and it only makes her hate it more. Invading another mind makes her as if she’s raping someone, and she feels unclean to use it, even against her enemies. Nevertheless, she has little choice but to delve into the mind of the Chanwe to discover Prince Matton has been captured.

She and Erlant travel to the Chanwe stronghold. For lack of a better plan, they allow themselves to be captured in order to gain access to the fortress. Neska manages to hide her magic from the Chanwe, but they beat Erlant unconscious. She escapes from her cell, locates Erlant, and together they free Prince Matton.

Their path to freedom is blocked by Kiru, a Chanwe. He reveals that the Chanwe are little more than prisoners of their overlords rented out as mercenaries from an ongoing struggle in their homeland, and he offers to help Neska and her companions escape if they let him flee with them. With Kiru's help, they avoid the Chanwe and manage to escape to a nearby village, where a healer cures the injured Prince and Erlant. Still hunted, they flee to a neighboring country where an army of exiles has gathered to help the Prince.

The Prince readies his troops, and Erlant appeals to Neska. She wants nothing more to do with her tattoo, but Erlant convinces her she must use it if they are to prevail. She becomes more powerful as she practices with Erlant, learning how to XX and YY. As her powers grow, her tattoos begin to creep over her hands and up her arms.

With Neska and Erlant on its side, the Prince's army is able to push Baleren’s troops to the capitol for a final confrontation. Despite Beleron’s losses, the Prince is still badly out numbered, and fears he cannot prevail in the coming battle.

Once again, Neska must pull on her magic to save them. Telling herself this will be the last time, she infiltrates the mind of Beleren and immobilizes him, allowing the Prince to capture and execute him once and for all. Restored to his power, the Prince appoints Neska and Erlant as his advisors.

She is horrified at how she won the battle for the Prince, but is relieved to have it over with. She thinks now at last Erlant will help her remove the tattoos. However, Erlant tells her he doesn’t know how. Instead, it is Kiru who identifies their origin as his homeland, and tells her they cannot be removed unless she is killed. Neska finally accepts her powers, and assumes her new position as Matton's advisor.

---

What Elrant does isn't so much to teach her to use the magic which it takes very little effort for her to do, He more teaches her to focus her mind so that she isn't controlled by the magic and doesn't receive thoughts or get "drawn" into minds when she doesn't want to be.

However, the more she uses the ability the further she can be from the person whose mind she is entering and the more she can force them to do.

One really important plot point and when she realizes how much she hates the ability is when she enters the mind of one of the Chanwe and forces him to turn on the men he is leading. He kills two of them and, of course, they turn on them. Then she accidentally experiences his death. She has killed people before fighting but is horrified at her actions which she views quite differently, as something that contaminates her.

At one point, she talks about what her people did to rapists (not anything pleasant) and wonders what the equivalent punishment would be for her.

So when Erlant pushes her to use her abilities, it causes a lot of problems. But she really can't just tell him to go away.

I don't know to what extent this story is "character driven" and to what extent it is "plot driven." Both are really essential. Without the plot, the character problem wouldn't be that big. But the character issues are probably as important.

I can't do the stories where you only have one or the other driving them.

Thanks again for all the comments and help.

Edit: To answer the question about her attitude at the end, she accepts that she has no way to get rid of the tattoos. She has reconciled herself to her acts. But she still would get rid of them if she could. She realizes that she will almost certainly be forced by circumstances to use her power again in the future.

[This message has been edited by JeanneT (edited November 02, 2007).]