Again, I'd appreciate criticism and feedback on the tone and the hook, and any stylistic notes.

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Kurt Johnson’s last Monday alive started out nicely. He woke at dawn and went for a run around the neighborhood. It was a lovely spring Charleston morning. The heat would be coming in a few months but, for now, this was paradise. Dew made the grass shine, and the ocean winds left the air clear and cool.

After a shower, he got dressed and kissed his sleeping wife, and quietly closed the bedroom door. His wife would wake when she wanted. She had been thinking about going back to work now that her youngest was in school, but five months ago the couple found out that Lucy was pregnant again, so Kurt let her sleep in. Besides, he loved the quiet time with his children.

First you say that your MC went for a run around the neighborhood, and then in the next paragraph he's taking a shower and dressing. It almost sounds like he just leaped out of bed and went jogging in his jammies before he came back home. I'm sure that he was dressed and then came home to shower after his run, but this is the way it sounded to me.

[After a shower, he got dressed and kissed his sleeping wife,]

I think this would read better if you left out the "got".

I like the beginning line that this was his last Monday alive. It makes me want to know what happened. I'd just love to see where this is leading and would definitely turn the page to read more.

quote:

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Kurt Johnson’s last Monday alive started out [nicely<--[Adverb. Find a stronger verb.]. He woke at dawn and went for a run around the neighborhood. It was a [lovely<--Adverb.] spring Charleston morning. The heat [would be<--["To be" verbs make a sentence passive and static] coming in a few months but, for now, this was paradise. [Dew made the grass shine<--[Passive. Active: The grass shone with dew], and the [cool] ocean winds [cleared the air left the air clear and cool<--[Ditch the static part.]. [Cleared what from the air?]

After a shower, he got dressed and kissed his sleeping wife[, name], and [quietly closed<--[Find a stronger verb, suggest:eased] the bedroom door [shut]. [His wife<--[He surely knows her name, maybe even has a pet name for her.] would wake when she wanted. [She had been thinking<--[PoV violation. Maybe she had been talking?] about going back to work now that her youngest [What? Brother? Son? Daughter? Now many are there?] was in school, but five months ago the couple [What couple? They would be fine.] found out that Lucy [Who is Lucy?] was pregnant again, so Kurt let her sleep in. Besides, he loved the quiet time with his children.[Eh? I thought they were in school.]

Brian, his youngest at 6, was a regular sleep farmer[A what?]; Kurt had to try four times to wake him. After Brian’s feet were on the

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1) Though the first line is a hook, you get well away from it and go static.

2) Adverbitis (credit goes to KayTi for that term) has set in.

3) Gives no hint that this is a thriller. I know you are trying to set up the family and relationships, and what is top be torn apart, but--as Dave Wolverton said--language can be a form of foreshadowing. Something could be "blood red" or throw "eerie shadows" and though it doesn't describe what is happening it could foreshadow what is going to. (Of course "Blood Red" and "Eerie Shadows" a certified cliches, so I'd find a more original metaphor.)

I hope this helps.