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This is my latest attempt at beginning a novel (none of which I've ever managed to finish. I'll just have to make this one stick, shall I?) I thought it would be an interesting challenge to see how well a "repeating day" storyline (a la the movie Groundhog's Day and the tv show Day Break) would work in novel form. Not that that comes in, yet, in the first 13 . . . but hopefully they're engaging, anyway.
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Nadia chatted with her customers as she served their mid-morning lattes and sandwiches, enjoying the light breeze of the first real jacket-free day of spring. Most of the corner café's outside tables were occupied, which was a sure sign that summer was finally on its way. The only thing marring her mood was the minor headache she'd had since morning. And the two aspirin had yet to work their magic. Nevertheless, Nadia smiled as a grandmotherly customer explained, for what must have been the fifteenth time, how wonderful her grandson's graduation had been yesterday. Honestly, the woman must be going senile—hadn't the graduation been “yesterday” for the past week or so? Nadia murmured some kind of agreement and excused herself, moving to gather the
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited March 29, 2011).]
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Aw, man, and I'd thought I got the 13 lines right. :P Going back to my word doc, it turns out my font was 11 point. Tsk. Thanks, Kathleen. Posts: 114 | Registered: Feb 2011
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Hehe, and because I can't leave well enough alone, even before I've gotten any comments . . . I've rewritten it so I can complete the entire thought within the 13 lines. I hope. Also, there was a weird bit of alliteration in the previous version that I didn't quite like . . . "marred her mood since morning"? Meh.
Let me know if it's better, worse, about the same . . .
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Nadia chatted with her customers as she served their mid-morning lattes and sandwiches, and enjoyed the first real jacket-free day of spring. Most of the corner café's outside tables were occupied; a sure sign that summer was finally on its way.
The only thing putting a dent in her mood was the headache she'd had all morning, which two aspirin had failed to affect. Still, Nadia smiled at the grandmotherly customer who was gushing, again, about her grandson's graduation yesterday. Hadn't the graduation been “yesterday” for the past week or so? Either the woman or Nadia must be going senile. Nadia murmured agreement and moved on, collecting more empty dishes onto her tray. She did her best to ignore the headache, and the sensation of déjà vu that kept tickling at her mind. Maybe it was time for a vacation.
[This message has been edited by Tryndakai (edited March 30, 2011).]
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Repeating time or day stories can be fun to write. I like to read them because I always want to know how the MC will break out of it. Of course, I have only read them as short stories.
quote:Hadn't the graduation been “yesterday” for the past week or so? Either the woman or Nadia must be going senile.
This seems to cut right to the chase, and I thought wouldn't your MC be in far more of a panic if she was noticing repeats in her day for over the last week?
IMO this should be reworked more subtlety imply the repeating day.
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Thanks, Evoc. Yeah, I've considered making this a short story, because I'm still unsure what all to fill it out with . . . but I guess we'll just see how long I can drag it out, and then how much of it was actually decent writing, eh?
The thing making this story potentially extra tricky is that the MC, Nadia, is actually *not* the person who realizes that the day is repeating . . . she's just feeling deja vu so far. The "yesterday all week" comment may not fit in too well, I'm not sure . . . Thanks for the feedback there.
And Kathleen--it's pronounced /'trin-də-kī/ (heh, I hope I'm getting that right . . . figured looking up phonetic symbols would be the funnest and most accurate way to answer your question. )
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Thanks, Tryndakai, my second guess was right, except that I put the accent on the last syllable.
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Yeah, I've considered making this a short story, because I'm still unsure what all to fill it out with . . . but I guess we'll just see how long I can drag it out, and then how much of it was actually decent writing, eh? 
