posted
Just for fun and as an experiment, I'm going to give you one sentence. What I would like for you to do is to pick any noun (or all of them and those that are implied) from the sentence and write what you saw in your mind's eye. Describe it fully. Don't let the other responses influence you -- in fact, don't read them at all.
The sentences (choose any or all, newest in bold):
The old man sat down at his desk in the library and wrote a letter.
In a boat sat a woman with a knife in her hand.
At a computer sat a Michael with boredom as his muse
With her leashed dog leading the way, the heiress strode out the doors, past the doorman and onto the street, where she saw the car that had been tailing her for days..
Thanks, Mike.
No peeking past this line until you've written yours. _____________________________________________
[This message has been edited by HSO (edited February 04, 2005).]
[This message has been edited by HSO (edited February 16, 2005).]
[This message has been edited by HSO (edited April 02, 2005).]
posted
Dark but for a desk lamp, an old man with papery hands and reading glasses perched on his nose. He writes with a fountain pen.
Posts: 1672 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Hervae sat limply in the walnut chair at the great desk, one hand grasping an unopened letter, the other raised to cover his eyes. Tremors ran through his slender frame; tears gathered.
After a time he raised his head and with that characteristic flip that all his audience knew and loved, flung the graying hair back from his brow. Sighing deeply he raised the black knife, the sgian dubh of his forefather, and with it slit the envelope backing. His eyes widened slightly as a single gray-green leaf fell from inside; the envelope contained nothing else.
Standing suddenly, he raised his voice, "Mairgh. Mairgh! Come girl. Time to die."
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited January 31, 2005).]
I see a large, old wooden desk, deep brown in color. On top is a green blotter and a small lamp, like the kind you see on Antiques Roadshow with the crystals hanging off the shade, sits on the left-hand corner. Letters sit in piles on the left-hand side, ranging in color from yellow to heart-stopping white. On the right hand side is a lidless, shallow box a little larger than a piece of paper.
The desk has five drawers: two on each side and one shallow drawer in the middle. Inside the left-hand drawers are files containing information on everyone who's treated this man poorly. In the right hand drawers are a collection of letters to lawyers regarding lawsuits pending against these people.
And in the center drawer are pens, pencils, scissors, rubber bands and a loaded pistol.
posted
The room is dark except for a single candle flickering on a dark mahogany desk. The man has a tapered white beard, and one knotted hand writes on a ragged paper while the other rubbs his forehead.
Posts: 652 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
In a home library, where books crawl high up the walls, a desk sits in front of the one large window. Sunlight streams into the otherwise shadowed room and sparkles onto the white hair of an old man as he painstakingly pens a letter, his arthritic hands stiff with intent.
Posts: 1810 | Registered: Jun 2002
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posted
You didn't fail, Mike. You just chose to tell yours in story format. Which, by the way, made me laugh. Good job.
Posts: 1520 | Registered: Jun 2004
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Okay, here's mine. And I'm posting this without reading anybody else's first so as not to be influenced in any way.
*********
The desk rested on the floor like the stump of an ancient tree, wide and immobile. It challenged the ability of the floor to withstand its massive size. The decorations and trimming on its edges dated back to an era where even the old man would have no remembrance. Four legs grew up from the floor; spun in ornate designs once fashionable and bold, but which now merely bore the cobwebs and dust that years of neglect had bestowed upon it. The drawers, though sturdy, had grown stubborn and resisted movement. The surface, once varnished and smoothed to a glossy sheen, now held the scars and markings of pens and knives where man scratched his careless musings and spilled his scalding liquids. But the desk still stood, fat and heavy – strong, despite the withering habits of age and man. It survived. It looked none the better for its wear – but the withered old man had need of it still.
posted
The experiment part, Kolona, is to validate my belief that one doesn't need to be ultra-descriptive when they write. Some descripton is nice.
If I say "old man" you immediately conjure up an image of what an old man is to you. If I say "desk in the libary" you see that, too... you don't need me to tell you what a desk looks like. Sure, I could say "a huge, antique, mahogany rolltop desk with scratches from a dog and a handle missing on a drawer" and that would be just fine. But if I only say desk, you the reader will fill in the blanks for yourself.
Not that I'm saying we should be lazy about describing things. I just think some things can be left to the reader to imagine for themselves.
posted
I think the best description of a piece of furniture that I have ever seen, was in Morningside, sung by Neil Diamond. I don't know who the lyricist was, perhaps it was Neil.
Edited to remove the link to the site where the lyrics resided, as they also offered up 3 trojans, free of charge. If any of you clicked on it, please run a virus scan. My apologies, but McAfee didn't catch it at first and it tool me a while to figure it out.
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited February 02, 2005).]
posted
Excellent point, HSO. I completely agree that description rarely needs to be in great detail, unless we're dealing with something totally unfamiliar to the general reader.
I once read a story for MaryRobinette,and I think I've mentioned it before, but I re-mention it because I've rarely read a story in which my mind's picture of the character was so clear, yet there was hardly any physical description of him at all.
posted
"The old man" evoked the image of an old man, that is to say, a human male older than middle age. The term "his desk" called to mind the idea of a desk that belonged to the old man, one with a desk lamp. I thought "library" indicated a library, but I didn't really see it very well because it was a home library and most of the walls were covered with books. Besides, my attention was focused on the old man sitting down at his desk. Now "letter" I imagined to mean a sheet of paper (unlined) on which the old man was writing.
It seems pretty straightforward to me. What are we supposed to be seeing?
posted
I noticed something interesting. Most people imagined a light of some kind on the desk.
I also noticed that a lot of people took it as a writing exercise rather than a reading exercise. But since this is a writer's forum and this is the Writing Class area, that's probably to be expected.
posted
Does anyone want to come up with another sentence? If y'all are interested continuing this mad experiment, that is. EDIT: I'll put the new sentence into the first post of this topic to make it easier to avoid reading any replies.
That is strange, the light thing you mentioned. Hmm... Maybe libraries are typically dark places... with bookshelves lining the walls and covering up any windows (if there were any). Good eye, Survivor.
[This message has been edited by HSO (edited February 04, 2005).]
posted
Well, since the previous example was for such a well-known and familiar place (library), let's make one that is likely to produce a more open-ended response.
posted
Per the new sentence above, I saw the following:
An ordinary kitchen knife, 6 to 7 inches long, blood on the blade and handle, as well as the woman's pale hand.
The woman, pale (as mentioned), had long red hair, curly, down to mid-back. She wore a bloodstained nightgown. (Which means I saw this scene taking place at night.) Blood oozed from a cut on her face, her forehead bruised. She had been in a nasty fight.
The boat was on a calm lake: an ordinary rowboat dinghy thing, needed paint, swollen wood about to rot away. An oar sat at the bottom of the boat in a small pool of water that had leaked in. The second oar was missing in my mind, for some reason.
That's precisely what my imagination dredged up. Why? I think it was a movie I once saw.
[This message has been edited by HSO (edited February 04, 2005).]
The boat rests on the trailer, angled so that she has to lean forward slightly in order to keep her seat. One hand, weather worn and gnarled, holds the knife. Her other hand reaches slowly toward the edge of the boat.
[This message has been edited by Alynia (edited February 04, 2005).]
posted
In all of the immense surround, nothng other than a small dinghy occupies the center. A light breeze drives it slowly forward. An older woman sits calmly at the tiller, a small knife in her free hand. It is small, with a clipped point and serrations on one edge just above the hilt. It is a supremely practical knife, suited equally well for scaling fish or cutting twine, but it was never made for a life at sea. There are oars lying side by side at the prow. There is no anchor, although a stout line lies in neat coils at the bow. There are no supplies, no water bottle, no neat packages of bitter-dough or sweet dates. Nothing to live on.
Posts: 2710 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
It's a small, wooden boat, painted red and white. The woman is setting in the bow, a red kerchief over her head. She is cleaning fish with the knife. The surrounding water and sky are gray.
Posts: 652 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
On the monitor, only the words "Click here to destroy the world" are showing in large typeface. The cursor, the standard windows pointer, hovers perilously over the hyperlink.
Falling asleep, Michael, about 30-ish and right hand resting gently on computer's mouse, falls face first into the keyboard, a can of domestic beer spilling into his lap. The combination of these two things cause an involuntary twitch of the index finger on his right hand; Michael has unwittingly depressed the left mouse button. He lifts his head, worried.
At first, there is no perceivable difference in the world. For several minutes, everything is as it should be. The television in the family room cheerfully reports that day's sensationalized news. Outside, cars race down the road, far faster than the posted 25mph speed limit.
Then, reality shifts ever so slightly. The lights flicker. The cars on the road outside are moving in reverse, going too fast than seems possible for any car in reverse; the television sounds like a 1960's experiment with backmasking. grblek, ratchas doonoud The beer, having seeped into Michael's faded blue jeans, leeches out and funnels back into the can of Keystone Light, while Michael's head crashes back into the keyboard and back up again.
Mere seconds pass as events play backward. Michael's wife enters the room, back first, and takes away the beer, walking backwards face first as she does so.
The sun, which had set hours ago, begins to creep back up on the western horizon.
Time passes faster and faster, backwards, unstoppable. Days pass in seconds. Weeks. Years.
A massive explosion runs in reverse, the mushroom cloud contracting inward.
There are dinosaurs where Micheal once sat in boredom, grazing gently on tall nutritious grasses.
...
[This message has been edited by HSO (edited February 16, 2005).]
posted
At a computer sat a Michael with boredom as his muse. ========
"You're not a very good muse," Michael was finally forced to admit. "Are you sure you're telling me the truth?"
"Of course I am." Boredom replied before giving a lengthy yawn.
"Then how come I'm sitting in front of this computer and not coming up with anything to put on it? I thought muses were supposed to help people out? Give direction or something. Give me direction, will you?"
posted
Best to ask Kathleen if and where that would be appropriate on Hatrack. My guess is that due to the necessary 13 lines rule, it wouldn't be a good idea to do it here -- if that's what you meant.
But we could use your forum, Mike, if you're up for that. We'll ask Kathleen for permission to create an invite in ODAW and sign people up on your board for flash challenges. (We might even create our own little anthology of stories, like "The First Line" except different... We could get filthy, stinkin' rich! or not.)
Actually, I did mean to use my forum, but advertise it on Hatrack. My only concern is how to set it up to be fair to people in other timezones. Typically, you post a trigger word, picture or phrase, (ie the TOPIC) etc at an agreed-upon time, and everyone must email their response to the coordinator within an hour, or half hour, or whatever you decide. The coordinator then posts the flashes anonymously and sets up a poll for people to vote for which they like best, and a forum for comments on them. Then, after all the votes are in, the coordinator reveals who did what.
All well and good for those of us who live in the same timezone, but hard on others.
So, to address that issue, I am trying to find a program to let me send email automatically on a schedule, so that you, for example, could set up to receive the topic at 3:00am my time, and another person at noon my time, etc. The date/timestamp on the submittal email will let me know if you made it within the allotted time. A bit more work on my part, and others may have to wait a bit, but worth it to involve people in other countries/timezones. Also, I wouldn't expect to be a real pain about being EXACTLY on time.
What do you think?
[This message has been edited by mikemunsil (edited February 18, 2005).]
Feel free to let people know about the flash challenge area on your website, Mike. I think it would be better for you to have it there, but you are welcome to publicize it here.
posted
Rancid cups of coffee, half-empty coke bottles and countless chocolate bar wrappers festooned the desk giving it the appearance of a miniature garbage dump. Interspersed within all this were scraps of paper with indecipherable writings, random peices of rather old and grubby computer equipment, a cigarette lighter, several out of date credit cards and a rather large stack of reminder notices for unpaid phone and power bills. And sitting in the one clear space on one side of the desk, as if in the eye of a storm, a silver framed photo of a stunningly beautiful girl with pale skin, strawberry coloured hair and haunted grey eyes.
Posts: 1 | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
The old man dipped his quill into the small pot of ink. The sound of the pen scratching on the surface of the parchment was loud in the silence of the room. A tear ran down his face, unnoticed, onto the wool of his monk's robes. When he had finished, he methodically cleaned his pens and put the ink away, then pushed his chair away from the desk and stood to his feet. The letter of apology sat on his desk, left out in the open for them to find. He hoped that whoever had the misfortune to find his broken body outside, under the balcony, would eventually forgive him for his sins. The Creator knew, he had a multitude of them.
Posts: 2026 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
The comment about not usurping the reader's mind's eye to force your own visual imagery on them is well taken. I was fortunate enough to hear a speech given last fall by the winner of the International Toastmasters Competition for Best Speech. The speaker's topic was on "How to give a Winning Speech" but his advice was useful for any writer. He gave his award winning speech about his father and growing up. Then he analyzed it. He pointed out that when he talked of his father's "flannel shirt" he didn't mention what color it was, because each listener/reader fills in, from their own mind's eye, what the proper color of that shirt would be. He talked about driving a VW Bug, and again, no mention about the color of the car. The reader/listener has their own imagery, built on their own life experiences, that will fall naturally into place if we let them.
His advice has been useful for me in writing, as I tend to be far too florid and verbose with my writing in an attempt to make the reader see what *I* see.
posted
I choose to write about 'a Michael'. This caught my attention as it was not Michael that sat in front of a computer, but a Michael.
A Michael is a humanoid robot, and it finds sitting in front of a computer boring as it is a higher state and quickly tires of communicating with lesser intelligence. A Michael is about 5 ft tall quite broad in the shoulder and very solidly built. It has a squarish face and dark brown hair, though this is only and rubber molding that gives the impression of hair. Anyone closer than 100 meters would be able to tell the difference. From a distance a Michael also appears to be wearing clothing, dark blue denim jeans and a black, grey and chocolate striped jersey. Again at closer inspection, anything less than 50 meters, it is plain to see that this is simply discolouration of the skin of the robot and molding to imitate the form of the clothes.
A Michael is submissive in its attitude and tries in all its actions to appear human. This is why it is sitting at a computer, as it is Easter and it feels it should be sending an E-Card to somebody.
posted
"At a computer sat a Michael with boredom as his muse."
Boredom, the muse. She slouches over the desk, grey clad and silent. She pins Michael's hands to his knees. These fingers will not speak, she knows.
The screen illuminates Michael's face. Boredom has seduced him. She has glued his eyes to an unfocused blur, trapped his mind in her numbing mist.
Boredom is the antimuse, the uninspirer. She unlights sparks and numbs pain, swallows passion. Michael's shirt is no armor agains her. She came in as a moment of his inattention, capturing him until he sees her well enough to fight. Michael cannot feel the weight of her hands holding his down.
Boredom perches on top of Michael's keys, confident that she will not be displaced.
m. no clue what she is doing
[This message has been edited by Miranda (edited March 26, 2005).]
posted
I see a distinguished old man, possibly a professor, sitting in a large leather chair, hunched over his mahogany desk. He has various object around him from his studies and travels. He's writing on monogrammed stationery, and soft piano music plays through out his library.
Posts: 43 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
The old man sat down at his desk in the library and wrote a letter.
The Old Man: I see am old man, in a drab brown sports coat, and a neck tie that is poorly tied (it is offset to the side, and it is shorter then would be fashionable). He has stark white hair and is balding.
In a boat sat a woman with a knife in her hand.
The Woman: I see a women in a red evening gown (don’t know why, so don’t ask), and bright red lipstick to match her gown. She is holding the knife with both hands with the blade pointed inward, poised over her heart.
[This message has been edited by SkorPiun (edited March 31, 2005).]
posted
The old man sat down at his desk in the library and wrote a letter.
Anyone seen the dutch 15th century still life images? Quill pen, fruit and a silver cup placed on a mahogany desk, a skull staring indifferently out into the darkness of the room, an extinguished candle, smoke still curling up from its wick reminding us of the briefness of existence.
He frowned at his hands, knuckles so swollen with arthritis they could barely hold the pen. Glory long gone now eh Sir Henry? Amusing the vanities one clung to. With deliberate care he wrote what he knew would be his last piece of correspondence. Would Lisa even get this letter? Would she even care? The candle flickered in the gloom of the library, a draft had come in from one of the heavily curtained windows. The light, flickering across the face of Yorick made the skull seem to grin. Perhaps Yorick was smiling, a lifetime in the theatre tended to give one a warped sense of humour.
posted
With her leashed dog leading the way, the heiress strode out the doors, past the doorman and onto the street, where she saw the car that had been tailing her for days.
Gabriel Lynxmyer is wearing a knee length black dress and white running shoes shoes. Accessories? Definitely; Chanel sunglasses, pearls and a white fur wrap. Poodle, also white, attached. Coco, the poodle, needs to be walked early in the morning and so the street is basically empty apart from a few parked cars. Why is she so dressed up so early in the morning? “Just got home darling, and no one walks Coco but mummy”. The Doors? Wood framed double doors glazed with frosted glass. The doorman is an older man in a dark navy, burgundy trimmed, uniform. He is very proud of his position “Been working at the Cheshire for 35 years”. The Car is a bright pink 60’s style Ford. A strange car to be tailing someone in, but beggars can’t be choosers.
Gabriel Linxmyer paused after stepping out of her hotel on that beautiful spring morning. She blinked in the bright sunshine and put her sunglasses on. Holding her hand over her eyes she peered into the empty street. “Good morning Miss Lynxmyer” “Good morning Fred”. Her voice was husky after a night of whisky and cigarettes. Gabriel had only just got back to the hotel. She had been at a fabulous party with some truly fabulous people, whose names she couldn’t quite recall. Gabriel was still in her black Karen Walker dress (which fortunately looked good with anything) but had put on more comfortable shoes for Coco's walkies. She flexed her toes in her Nikes, thankful for their padded comfort. Coco scratched her leg impatiently. “Yes darling, Mummy’s coming”, said Gabriel.
[This message has been edited by limo (edited April 02, 2005).]
posted
The old man sat down at his desk in the library and wrote a letter.
library: the walls are lined with bookcases, it is more organised than you would expect from someone's personal library; the leather-bound books are all regular, all neat; bought more as trophies than for their contents. The walls, those parts you can see, are covered in a dark green tartan. Campbell of the Black Watch. It is night, the drapes are drawn, there is a fire in the hearth. The gilt-lettering of the bookspines glint and dance with the flames. A painting is removed from above the mantel and where it was a wallsafe stands open.
desk: A big oak desk with a green banker's lamp. Green leather inlay and stark white blotter. It has two pens in a penholder shaped (for some reason I don't understand) as a bronze hunting dog; a pointer in typical stance. There is a snifter of amber liquid and a Will laying open, red lines slashed through almost every paragraph.
Letter: The letter is short, four lines terminated with a vicious, ugly signature.
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited April 20, 2005).]