Here is a bit from a fantasy that I am writing. In it the character, Marion, taps into dark magic and gets, in return, a most wonderous feeling. (Of course it fades immediatly after like drugs -- I will ask for help with that if you do a good job with this )
So, I am wondering how you would improve this little ditty.
" Marion, nervous, stuck her hands out and tried to imagine the door gone. Nothing seemed to be happening until a slight tingle entered her fingertips. The way that the tingle felt was the kind that Marion had only felt when she caressed her lover. She reveled in it and trembled fiercely. The tingling extended to her forearm this time making it feel like it was in a vat of beautiful and lightly scented with the rarest of perfumes. Instinctively she closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling more. Now her entire arm felt wonderful as if she was wearing the softest of cotton and she sighed, happily. Her foot then picked up the sensation, which then spread throughout her body. Images of waterfalls flashed through her mind, and she felt herself standing under one, the cool mist of water cleansing her deeply. "Ahh…" she moaned audibly. "
posted
Does she know that she's tapping into dark magic, and how addictive it's likely to be? If so, then perhaps you could bring that awareness to the fore. so that she is more conscious that she's doing something dangerous and bad. Maybe mix in a bit of rebellious feeling and a desire to use this power to get what she considers rightfully hers.
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