posted
I'm working on a novel in which the main characters do not speak...they don't even have vocal chords. Instead, they use a mind to mind form of communication and this is the style of communication used most often throughout the novel.
My question is related to the dialogue tags discussion, but with a twist. How do I tag the dialogue in a story when "said" is not at all accurate of what they are doing? I tried calling in mindspeech and honestly, it was annoying. Now I'm using "thought" as a substitute for said. Let me show you a snipet to give you the idea...(conversation between young teen girl and her nanny)
“I don’t really want to go to dinner.” Clarica thought.
“I think your parents will be very upset with you if you don’t go.” Aberetta took a brush and began to run it through Clarica’s hair.
“Do you ever want kids of your own?” Clarica asked.
“I did.” Aberetta thought, wistfully.
“Not anymore?” Clarica asked, “You’d make a great mom.”
“Thank you.” Aberetta thought with a hint of pride, “But there’s no use longing for things you can’t have.”
So, as you can see, I've pretty much used a straight "thought" for "said" substitution here. When things like asked or replied are appropriate, or if no tag is necessary but some action should be inserted, I fall back on pretty typical conventions.
So, does it work? If not, does anyone have any better ideas? If this isn't enough to get the idea, I can send chapter 1 out, if anyone's interested. (The above is not from chapter 1. Couldn't find any stand alone dialogue from that chapter that would give you the idea.)
posted
I would encourage you to keep "said" in your story. Why? Two reasons. First, becasue you will undoubtedly need to make the distinction between when a character is speaking to another and when a character is thinking to himself. Second, your readers are used to the said-thought distinction in fiction.
Once you establish that your characters are speaking mentally instead of vocally--and if you occasionally remind your readers of that--I don't think you'll have a problem
A question: have you considered how a character keeps others from knowing his private thoughts to himself?
posted
Thanks for the advice...I'd still love other opinions though so I can make a considered decision.
Yes, I have thouroughly thought out this mental form of communication. It is not telepathy, I never call it that. In fact, I have characters make references to telepathy in the same sort of nonsense light we do to make sure the reader understands. Instead, it is a purposeful mind to mind communication. It requires both active sending and active receiving. So, just as you don't open your mouth if you don't want your thoughts known, my characters don't open their minds.
posted
I have to ask here why exactly it makes any functional difference that they do not speak using sound.
I know that it does make a difference, but since they certainly aren't mindspeaking in English--and there would be absolutely no reason for their language to have a word meaning "to communicate by means of vocalizations modulated by the mouth"--why not just use the word said as Balthasar suggests?
posted
I can think of one reason why not to use "said." You don't want the readers to forget that they aren't actually speaking words with their mouths.
posted
oooh, I might like that...I'll have to let that float around in my head for a couple of days. Thanks Kathleen!
Posts: 3567 | Registered: May 2003
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I decided to go ahead and use the "sent" tag when appropriate. It's perfect because it neither gives the impression that the person is actually talking, nor does it lead the reader to think that this is conventional telepathy, which was another thing I was struggling with.
Belatedly and for what it's worth, "thought" works much more smoothly and appropriately for me than the other options. "Said" is incorrect if taken literally and may tend to let your readers forget that words are not being spoken aloud.
Regarding "sent," I can see two drawbacks. First, the implication of the word to me is that something is first composed then, separately, transferred. From what I gather, in this story thoughts simply come out the way speech would, such that that description of the process doesn't (for me) evoke the right sense.
The other drawback is that of some connotations which probably aren't quite right: "sent" sounds more effortful than "thought," and it also implies the possibility that something was not received.
Your use of "asked," etc. also works well for me. I would advocate for keeping it as is.
posted
Just as an aside, I had a similar situation arise in my book, in which certain characters use active telepathy (I know you aren't using that word in here, but for lack of a better descriptor...) Anyway, I also used "sent" to distinguish between private thoughts, and in my case, speech, and it seemed to work well. I liked the active connotation of send, personally.
posted
For what it's worth, I don't a problem with with the word "sent" per se. I think it would work for a short-story, but I suspect that it would burden a novel-length story. Posts: 130 | Registered: Apr 2007
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posted
Well, obviously I won't know until I'm finished, but I don't think it would burden a novel. First of all, I don't use "sent" for every tag. I'm not afraid to use asked, babbled, mumured, replied, etc. Also, sent has the feel of said. It's short, and it even starts with the same sound, so it's not so far off from what people are used to seeing/forming in their heads. For this reason, I think eventually the reader will tune it out, just as we tune out said, but it will still be there as a constant reminder that the characters are not speaking, and that their communication is effortful.
On the other hand, if I do change my mind, there is a modern marvel called find and replace. : )
posted
My concern isn't the specific tag used, I really don't think it matters whether you say "said" or "sent" or "zhomphed" (although some readers might find the term "zhomphed" a bit silly).
What I wonder is how, in practical terms, this form of communication is actually different from vocal speech. Which no one else seems interested in asking or answering...but it probably matters a lot more than what you call it.
posted
It is different in the following ways: 1. the actual, physical process....I envision, in biological terms, that these aliens have a smaller temporal lobe than we do(auditory) and instead they have a different portion of the brain specifically intended for communication. Our ears actually serve more than one purpose, although communication is the one we think of most often. These aliens have ears that don't work quite as well as ours, but a much more highly developed communication center.
2. I see it as an evolutionary advantage. The aliens can communicate accross vaster distances without their prey or their enemy "hearing" them. I haven't narrowed down the range yet, but it'll be pretty far.
3. The aliens can communicate emotions as well as ideas. This makes communication more precise and potentially more intense.
4. During an emergency situation everyone within range of *anyone* can be nearly instantly aware of the crisis. I have this happen in one of my chapters, when a king dies, sort of like "the shot heard round the world" except this happens even faster.
5. Speaking of fast, entire conversations can happen in seconds. My dialogue has a difficult time capturing this advantage, although I'm looking for ways to demonstrate. This is particularly useful in crisis situations, which is another evolutionary advantage.
7. There are cultural implications, including that these people don't look at each other's mouths, it's rude, and in fact since the mouth is now only used for eating I have eliminated kissing, thinking they might think such an action to be gross.
I could probably go on, but does this at least help you get the idea?
I like the speed concept. Humans students often have trouble paying attention to instructors because the brain can process spoken words much faster than it can compose them. This might be due to the complexity of controlling the human speech organs. It's logical that your system of communications could be coded and decoded even faster.
You said:
quote: The aliens can communicate emotions as well as ideas. This makes communication more precise and potentially more intense.
Another great concept. But this is going to challenge your writing ability. Normal dialogue is spoken in words that a writer can write. But communicating raw emotions will transcend words, so your word choices must be extra super-duper good. Unlike the sentence which you just read.
posted
I don't think that having to write down a structured mental language is going to be more of a challenge than writing about internal motivations, perceptions, and other "non-verbal" concepts.
As for how to describe the form of communication itself, I think that you should borrow some words from radio communications, which it seems to resemble in many ways. A message can be tightbeamed to a single recipient, or broadcast to everyone in range, or whatever. You'll need several different words to indicate which type of sending is being used. You can just make the words up or use existing words, though the practical differences are great enough that I don't even see any reason to structure "dialogue" of this type using human dialogue conventions (basically, don't bother with quotation marks and so forth).
Another consequence of this powerful a form of communication is that it could easily be the only form of communication these aliens would use. There would be no point in developing gestures or facial expressions, or writing (certainly not phonetic writing, in any case) as a means of communication (I suppose that some type of glyphic or ideographic writing might be used as a means of keeping notes, though it would seem far more likely that persons with exceptional memory would become a valued social class, since anything could be communicated and remembered).
Is is possible for these aliens to lie using this form of communication? What about mimicry, pretending to be someone else? Making someone else feel emotions or sensations? That would be a good (read "evil" ) trick, eh? Make someone think that they were being confronted by an alien-eating monster when they were at a party, and watch the fun!
posted
Pictures, yes...voice, no. Voice doesn't really have any meaning for them. Keep in mind though, that what we actually see and what we remember seeing are two different things, so there is still plenty of room for problems in describing, say, eyewitness testimony. I envision their communication as images connected by connectors. That didn't sound all that great. Also, with some emotions tossed in for good measure. (This is controlled too, they only s hare emotions they want to send, so lying does still exist.)
It's been a heck of a challenge to make the dialogue reflect the emotion in the thoughts. I know I could do better, but in the interests of actually finishing this sometime in my life I have just decided to keep writing and do touch ups later. I can always add emotion and description once I get the base story down.
You know what, Doc, I didn't think much about how increased speed of communication would increase their learning ability. (Most of my characters are past school age anyway.) I'll have to work that in, thanks!
posted
I'll look into the radio think. Thanks, Survivors.
I thought about the written language, but I finally decided to have one. It's root is pictographic, but they had to modify it for the computer era because thousands of pictures don't fit neatly into one entry pad (keyboard). As for facial expressions and gestures, I have been waffling on those. I finally decided to think back to some psychology theories, that physical changes in our body acutally precipitate emotions. (There is some sound basis for this.) So you frown, and THEn you're sad, or you smile and THEN you're happy. So what I finally decided was that while they use these physical gestures, most of the people can't interpret them and don't rely on them. A special few can and do though.
Another way I tried this dialogue thing, about a year ago, was to bolface the communication instead of using quotes. Sometimes I think about going back to it, but I'm just not sure yet.
posted
I have too run into a similar problem in the writing of my current novel One slightly irrelevant tool you may as well have at your disposal is, as John Brunner suggested in The Craft of Science Fiction, italics can be used to indicate an alternate form of speech. But since it is not an alternate form of speech, but the primary this info is probably not currently useful. I do think however if you have never read Babel-17 by Samuel Delaney you might have something to gain by doing so. What ever you do though, don't let your not having read it stop you from finishing your story.
posted
If it was me, I would probably keep using the word "said." Just take special care that the fact of how communication is conducted is properly established. Though if they communicate this was, can anyone within "range" "hear" what is being said, or is communication limited to specific people? This is a critical question because if a lot of information needs to be "spoken" to a group of people that could be tediously slow. If anyone within "range" can hear, then there really is no critical difference than normal character interaction.
Does it matter if the characters physically hear what is being said or mentally? Other than developing a unique trait in the persons in your story.
Ultimately what I'm getting at is if your readers know that the communication is through thought, they won't forget it. So you are free to use whatever means you wish. But if you are intent on using "thought" or other means here are a short list of words you may consider,
"signal, indicate, hail, sign, call, cue, prompt, thought, cogitate, etc. These many not all fit what you want, but I decided not to limit the list."
I've also read books where thought communication is conducted in italics, or within symbols other than the typical (",") for example (<<,>> ) or something.
The view point is from the aliens, and unless they have delt with people who actually speak, then their form of communication would equate to speaking. Since speaking is our word for a form of communications. So if the aliens "said" something, to the alien it is speach.
I also was wondering if you had concidered using said and not telling the reader they speak using thier minds? And if they did run into someone who used a vocal speach then it could make an interesting section. Just a thought.
If the entire story takes place among the aliens and there are not going to be any characters who speak vocally, I think you're better off just using "said." Anything else calls attention to itself and indicates you don't trust the reader to remember that these being communicate differently than we do.
In most cases -- for example, the conversation you posted between the girl and her nanny -- it makes absolutely no difference whether the characters are communicating vocally or mentally or by emitting coded pheremones. All that matters is the content of the communication. Except in situations where it is very important that the reader remember that the communication is direct mind-to-mind, I don't think you should distract the reader from the content.
When the communication includes more than just the words, I think the simplest solution is to use something like "sent" in conjunction with "said." For example:
"She was so embarrassed that she turned this color," she said, sending a mental image of the greenish hue.
Even though he was disappointed with his loss, he sent Jane a feeling of happiness and said, "Congratulations."
posted
You might take a look at the way people communicate with American Sign Language for ideas about facial expression, and body language. Native ASL speakers use the words "said" and "talking" even though their language is not a vocal one.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Jul 2003
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I've already decided to go with send, not said, and I'll tell you why. For one thing, I want to remind the reader that this is different from speaking. There are a few quirks to this form of communication that make it very different. I think I've already listed them.
But here's the big reason, and it's what finally eased my mind that I was making the right choice. This is the first novel in a trilogy. In *this* book the only contact with verbal speakers is frankly manufactured so that I can have a basis for comparison. But in the next two books a new main character will be introduced to share the limelight with the present one and she was born on earth and speaks verbally. I want to have an established pattern before that comes about so that I can continue to use send and said when appropriate and remain consistent.
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