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It was an another rainy day in the port city of Miseth, a small city that was found itself on the shores of the Flavos Oceanos, which only purpose was to trade with other nations, and collect the many varieties of fish that lived within the water depths of the mighty ocean. Even though it was raining like it always does in Miseth right before the major harvest arrives, there was someone that would lift the spirits of the mostly lifeless traders and fishermen that lived in the small, humble houses that littered the city skyline. If the presence of this individual was known, the citizens would act like if the sun was shinning down on them and even go as far as forget the rain that would soak their clothes, for this man freed these people from a tyrannical power, which in turn made Miseth into the seaport that it was today, even if by some standards it was small. The city was enough for the survival of Sevean and the king was happy with that.
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I'm open to anything that you think can improve the way I write, so any suggestions, criticisms, or questions would be appreicated. Thanks!

Your story seems interesting but, as Rahl22 already pointed out, what I can say from this except is: show, don't tell.

Your story seems to start in a "Once upon a time" way. Even if this way is the most concise way to write, it has its limits, above all if we're talking about of a sequence that starts a novel.

I'd suggest to you to rather set a scene with the man who freed people from the tirannic egemony. Then, you can always tell which city is it and why people might be so interested in him reading his thoughts.

I mean, something in the order of:

"The air smelled of saltiness and fishes, or at least it did in the opinion of the man hidden in a cloak, who was walking in the shadows, hiding himself. Not that he really needed to hide too much, for fishermen' frenetic activity and their high yells attracted the attention of the crowd, and almost made the lonely cloaked figure seem invisible. However . . . he couldn't risk to be recognized.

Miseth was a small city placed on the shores of the Flavos Oceanos, the only purpose of which was to trade with other nations, and collect the many varieties of fish that lived within the water depths of the mighty ocean. Nothing of much interest, then.

It wasn't a big city, nor was it rich or anything: it was only the home of lifeless traders and fishermen, and their work gave only enough for their survival. They lived in small houses, and were humble, but at least, they were free. And *he* was the one who had freed them. If the ciziens had known he was there, they'd have acted like if the sun was shinning down on them, and would have forgotten the rain that would soak their clothes. He didn't want that to happen."

And so on. I'm sorry that my editing was a bit rushed, but . . . you see what I mean? This way you can add all the telling you want, but you will still have a character, a scene, and something that can grab the attention of the reader.

But I guess the way I was trying to set up the story was that for a prologue I have an encyclopedia made up about the main character of the story which details what the story will be, but leaves key elements out so it doesn't give it around. (Presumably, the writers didn't know much of the story I guess..... )

I was trying to start off with a "Once upon a time" opening, because I was trying to give the reader a picture of how infant this country was in its independence.

Also thinking about it, I might also make this a part of the prologue as well because like I said before, I want to set up the story before I get into it. This part talks about the new King of the land secretly meeting with someone over the stablization of his new kingdom, get betrayed and killed in the process. I was trying to make the city dark and gloomy because of whats going to happen. The story will then move over to the royal family hearing news that he was killed and then thrust his oldest son into the position. I guess its almost like Peter the Great if you think about it in terms.

Cast this in POV, or cast it in narrative voice.

POV is easier for most readers and writers. Narrative voice...is hard. If you're just now getting started, then learn to write in POV first.

Step one, give the king a name. Step two, use it in the first sentance. Step three...don't kill your POV character. Crud.

Okay, new steps. Step one, tell this story from the POV of the crown prince. Step two, give him a name. Step three, use it in the first sentance...and so on

By using POV properly, you can let the reader know everything important to the story, without ever simply lecturing them about the plot. That is the single greatest problem with your opening, it is 100% plot lecture, you aren't even summarizing for us.

quote:

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I always thought my stories were not good because I don't seem to put the detail that's in many books I read. So that's what I thought I was lacking.

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But I think that if you look carefully, you'll find that few if any of those books present those details as part of an infodump. Pay close attention when people (even people other than Survivor!) give you comments on POV, and make sure you understand what they're saying. If you don't, go read Card's Characters and Viewpoint. The point I want to make here is that all the description you present should be perceived by the POV character. If the "individual" in your fragment were the POV character (which I don't recommend based on what I've seen so far), you would have him cursing or ignoring the rain, depressed by the gloomy city or made proud by his role in freeing it from tyranny. Make sense? When the readers get all their information through the eyes, ears and skin of a POV character, it feels like they're there. When they get it as a disembodied description, they go to sleep.

-Edited for spelling and UBB codes.