Though comments on the whole thing (1917 words) are wanted, it's the last half that has lots of expositary explanation that I'm curious to get reactions to.

I have to stop and explain things some time to the reader, why not in chapter 7? Is it too much? Is it overwelming? Is it too confusing?
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Pendaran led him to a domed hollow. In it stood a granite chain cradling a reflective foil. Three oak legs interweaved with the chain, holding it waist-high.

"That's the cauldron?" Scott inched over to it.

“I need to caution you, don’t touch,” Pendaran said. “It could lead to your untimely demise. And that would lead to mine.”

The dreamform seemed to examine his reflection within the foil. “Looks like a weird table."

“It's not I assure you. Let me borrow your ring.”

Scott stared at the wedding band, as if for the first time. He removed the ring and weighed it in his palm. Scott’s eyes opened wide, his fist closed about the ring. “I can’t remember her name...”

[This message has been edited by ChrisOwens (edited December 20, 2004).]

As I read this, I have a little trouble visualizing the various objects that the characters interact with. For example, “The granite frame lay horizontal, sitting on splayed splints.” is difficult to visualize. It would help me if you could relate the granite frame to some object that I might be familiar with, like this: "The granite frame looked like a short living room table, the kind you have between your couch and your TV set." (Or whatever the @#%$ those things are called.)

Anyway, please don’t think I’m trying to rip this to shreds. I struggle with the very same problems in my own writing.

Pendaran led it ("IT"? IS THE DREAMFORM SEXLESS?) to a domed chamber. A cauldron stood in the middle, a flat sheet mounted in a circular frame. The granite frame lay horizontal, sitting on splayed splints. (IS THE CAULDRON SUPPOSED THE BE THE "FLAT SHEET"? "CAULDRON" BRINGS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IMAGE TO MY MIND; YOU MIGHT WANT TO CLARIFY THAT THIS IS A DIFFERENT TYPE OF CAULDRON FROM WHAT I'M USED TO.)

“I need to caution you, don’t touch,” Pendaran said. “It could lead to your untimely demise. And that would lead to mine.”

The dreamform glanced at the silver sheet. “Looks like foil."

“It's not I assure you. Let me borrow your ring.”

It's something I've been thinking about changing. Pendaran views Scott as an it, even though he is of the male gender. But I transition pronouns later on, when dealing with other "its".

<(THAT LAST SENTENCE NEEDS SOME SORT OF SEGUE; IT SEEMS A BIT ABRUPT TO GO FROM LOOKING AT THE RING TO TRYING TO REMEMBER A NAME.)>

But don't expect the average reader to get it.

I ditto the problem with "it", certainly using the genderless pronoun makes it more difficult to catch the significance of the ring and to identify that pronoun with "Scott".

Also ditto to the difficulty visualizing the scene. Some of the terms you use are frankly misleading. "A cauldron stood in the middle, a flat sheet mounted in a circular frame." This could easily parse two ways at least. Read one way, a "cauldron" composed of "a flat sheed mounted in a circular frame" "stood in the middle" of the domed chamber. Read another, it was a more normal cauldron that stood in the middle of the chamber, marked by a flat sheet mounted in a circular frame. Those are the two readings that the grammer actually seems to allow. Others seem more likely, despite not being allowed by the grammer. But I couldn't decide on the basis of the text which is the image you actually intend.

Also, when you say "The granite frame lay horizontal," the implication seems to be that it is usually vertical. Also, it is not clear whether this "granite frame" is the aforementioned circular frame with a flat sheet mounted inside or if this is a different frame. I'm not finished with this one and I won't get to the splayed splints (which can be imaged several incompatable ways) so I'll call a halt here and say, these things are described very well. I don't suggest that you use a mundane comparison, since this is probably Pendaran's POV and that would be inappropriate to say the least.

Anyway, I think that I can guess what you're trying to describe. But I assure you that it wasn't the first image that came to mind on reading this description. I think that you mean to describe the "cauldron" as a sort of pool set into the center of the domed chamber, with a heavy granite rim. Absent information on size, I'd say it's between two and six feet in diameter, and the rim is at least six inches wide and between four and eighteen inches high. The bottom of the cauldron is a reflective surface that's a few inches higher than the surrounding floor. Whether it ripples or is wrinkled or smooth I can't really say. Around the outside of the cauldron there are thin pieces of wood arranged in some kind of radial pattern.

No, but it's very helpful thanks. I see it's evoking the wrong images. Which is a good thing I posted it the fragment...

Thanks for the feedback.
Rats... I hoped that it was apparent that the granite chain held a light foillike substance, no weightier than a sheet of aluminum.

<Also, I thought the dreamform could not remember his wife because he had lived a long long time. Maybe it's been so long he forgot he was even wearing a ring.>

He's been there a few days his time, though only an hour or so has passed on Earth. This fragment is mid-chapter, so I hope the prior half shows why he can't remember: planular imposition.

I'm trying to draw attention to the foil as the "enchanted" substance, whereas the granite chain acts as a frame, and the oak legs lift it off the floor. The frame and legs are more mundane.

I'm trying to create the image of a barrel size diameter, while not saying it outright.

What I was seeing in my mind's eye was a stone chamber which had a domed alcove, lit from a light source in the top of the dome. In the alcove was a piece of foil, held on each corner by link chains, which had been carved out of granite. I know you said the chain "stood", but I have a hard time thinking of a chain standing. Anyway, the whole thing is supported on the bottom by a three legged pillar made of a network of oak tree roots growing out of the ground. Some of the roots growing up into the chain. I think I imagined roots because you said they interweaved with the chain.