Todd Gruff pulled out the fence staples he'd been holding in his mouth. "I been busy," Todd said. He didn't know why he had to be responsible for everything. He still had about half a mile of fence to go.
"You was supposed to be keeping watch on him."
"Jeffy's your brother, too."
Billy Bob said, "You wouldn't talk to Pa like that."
"You ain't Pa," Todd said.
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Jeffy was having a wonderful time exploring the mountain past the north forty. Ma would whip him good if she saw the risks he was taking, climbing up rocks.
[This message has been edited by wbriggs (edited February 11, 2005).]
[This message has been edited by wbriggs (edited February 11, 2005).]
posted
Why the POV shift so early? Obviously I haven't read the story, so I have no idea how necessary it is to have multiple POVs (though it does seem rather odd in so short a story), but either way, it really did distance me to have a mere seven lines in one POV before switching to another. It helps that I know exactly whose head I'm jumping into, but still. Hooking the reader with the first POV is hard enough; switching after a few scant lines makes it that much worse.
Anyway, aside from that problem, I really have no critiques, and I do like the piece.
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