posted
I'm considering this for Writers of the Future. The catch: WOTF tends to throw aside any entry that does not establish a speculative element in the first page or two. So I'm wondering, do you see clear enough hints of a speculative element to this story?
Edit: Please not that I did not give you genre on purpose in this case, since I'm asking a question about whether you see a speculative element here.
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Marcy Peters killed her neighbor. Everyone knew she killed her neighbor. She admitted, under oath, that she killed her neighbor. She had not acted in self defense, nor had she killed him by accident, nor even had she acted in the heat of the moment. She had acted premeditatedly, with purpose and intent to kill.
Yet Marcy Peters roamed free, cleared of all charges by a jury of her peers.
Jack Carson felt as if he were the only man in Stonybrook who cared. Strange, since he had not entered the town of his birth in nearly five years, not since getting the chance of a lifetime to become a field reporter for NBC news. He had given up the post to take an anchor position at the local news station, a step down for sure but also a chance to go back home.
The first question he had asked, when an old friend had updated him on the news and gossip of the past five years, was, “Why did they let Marcy Peters off?”
Jack had asked that question of everyone he met for his first few weeks in town. Everyone’s answer was the same: a shrug and a smile. After a while Jack began to wonder if he had wandered back into the wrong town, a town full of corn people.
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited March 10, 2005).]
posted
The only speculative clue I see so far is the reference to corn people. Which did clue me into the fact that it might be a body snatcher type story.
Problem is that I think WOTF is pretty strict on borrowing from other people's stories. The corn people reference (or even the body snatcher one I just used) could be considered public domain by now, but will they see it that way?
posted
NewBys, I am entirely certain that corn people is quite, quite ok. You seem to be confused about copyrights. What it is not ok to do is to do is use other people's worlds, characters, or basically rewrite their story with only the names different. It is ALWAYS all right to use a commonly known pop culture reference in a story. In fact, this would be true even is if it were not "public domain."
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited March 10, 2005).]
posted
To be honest, I wouldnt be able to determine it was speculative from that excerpt. The only bit that almost had me there was the bit about 'corn people'. But maybe that's a slang word that i'm not familiar with.
It's a great introduction though. I'm really wondering how come's Marcy didn't get put away for killing her neighbour. That's a touch of class that opening paragraph.
What's the title by the way? Is it good enough to have a speculative sounding title. If it was called 'The bodysnatchers' or something, then i'd know right off that it was speculative.
BTW...did you do that post about open criticism yet? I need to read it.
posted
OMG....NEwbys posted just as I did and wrote a lot of the same stuff. Even the body snatcher link.
My post was completely uninfluenced, I swear. Newby's wasn't there when I was commenting.
Also, I didn't get the bodysnatchers link from the 'corn people' reference. That was either subconscious or just a total coincedence. I thought of the body snatchers because I was thinking that maybe everybody in the town was in on some conspiracy that outsiders didn't know about.
[This message has been edited by benskia (edited March 10, 2005).]
posted
Hmmmmm....my tentative title is "Angel Eyes" but maybe....a title that gives it away clearly is a really good idea.
Oh dear, I suck at titles. I can feel the smoke coming out of my ears already...
P.S. Don't worry, I could tell from the flow that you hadn't read the other post first. It is interesting that you both came up with the same idea. I feel ok in telling you both that the idea is incorrect and that I am not at all bothered by your first thoughts of what is going on.
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited March 10, 2005).]
I liked the intro but from what I've read of the WotF anthologies, it didn't feel similar to what Kathy normally picks out. You could be the first, though.
posted
I didn't think body-snatchers and while "corn people" suggested something peculiar to me, I can't say I know why.
The only real hint for me that there might be something speculative is the fact that Marcy Peters got away with murder and no one seems to know how or why. This leads me to think of some sort of brainwashing or hypnosis thing, probably with a mystic edge since it is being applied to an entire town.
The overall feel I get is that this is probably a dark mystery with horror elements.
posted
I get the feeling that Marcy got off on a technicality... that is, until I read this:
"Everyone’s answer was the same: a shrug and a smile."
This has a flavor of conspiracy, or even, as Robyn Hood mentioned, some sort of hypnosys, or mind control.
As writen, I would keep reading. But if I didn't know you were writing for WOTF, I would lean towards the conspiracy/technicality angle rather than towards the bizaro-mind control feeling. There is a speculative element, but is it enough? I don't know.
posted
Nothing in this excerpt points toward speculative fiction. The death kinda makes it sound like a murder mystery.
Posts: 266 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I do not think that the speculative element is strong enough. I feel a main reason for this is that you spend your first three lines talking about a past event instead of using your character to introduce it into the present. The story should start off with Jack since he is the main character.
Don't focus on the problem, focus on Jack trying to understand/solve the problem.
Maybe start the story off with something like:
Jack felt he was the only one in town that cared (insert murderer's name) had got away with premeditated, cold-blooded murder. Everytime he asked a townie about the event they merely shrugged and smiled.
This is just a suggestion, but it gives the audience a character with a problem and a problem that seems out of the ordinary.
Then you can give us the skinny on Jack recently moving back home and originally working for NBC, etc.
posted
My first thoughts were that your first two paragraphs sounded like my personal fantasy--get rid of the neighbor from hell (she lives across the street) with no backlash! Ah, HEAVEN!!
And since I don't have anything new to say, I won't. Except maybe after the corn people comment I'd want to see something else similarly creepy fairly soon.
posted
Odd, yes. Speculative, no. Were it not for the hint that it was speculative, I might have wondered if everyone in town simply despised the neighbour (along the lines of what Djvdakota just alluded to) and were glad that someone finally offed him.
Posts: 270 | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
I think Ryan is right about focus on Jack, though I didn't understand the flow of the original paragraph until I reread it. I had a hard time visualizing just how Jack's concern over the murder, his leaving, the five years, and returning all tied together.
I'd also have to agree this looks like a pretty straight murder mystery, maybe involving organized crime, political assassination or something else mundane.
It's certainly a captivating start. But in both tone and content, your opening does not hint that it is speculative fiction. But I'd certainly be willing to suspend judgment on what kind of story it is for quite a while longer... even a couple pages.
[This message has been edited by Ogi_Ogas (edited March 12, 2005).]
posted
First, I'd like to thank everyone for their input.
Second, this is precisely the kind of opening that is going to captivate half the people and lose the other half, but since I like it I'm going to stick with it. (Literally, I've got a love/hate thing going from all the comments I received here and elsewhere.)
Third, it also seems that there is a complete rift between spec/non-spec. I'm glad that there is something here to interest people enough to keep reading, but unfortunately from what I've heard of the writers of the future contest, if you don't barf faerie vomit on the first page they'll assume it's non-spec and stop reading. Very frustrating, because this was one of those stories I wrote from start to finish and then sat back and thought, "I like this. This is pretty good." Any other market aside from WOTF would give me the benefit of the doubt if I said, "scifi/horror" in my cover letter. WOTF doesn't read the cover letters.
Also, they apparently don't read titles, so you can't get the speculative element in there. (It did soud like a good idea.)
What I was *hoping* and you guys can speak to this, is that if I send this to a contest FOR speculative fiction, so you go in LOOKING for a speculative element, can you find one? My hints about the town acting strangely and the corn people reference seem to be enough for some, but others I guess are thinking metaphors?
Oh well, I'm just talking out loud here. I think I've got enough feedback on this for the moment. Next week, it's off to visit my critique group for a review of the whole thing.
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