"what do you think... She late or what?" he asked John.

John looked at him slightly with his wistful air.

"Maybe..." John looked out over the crowd rushing past them.

A few considerations.

There are some grammar issues, but at this point the thing for me is that there is no real hook. I know the character is a cop and they are waiting for someone, but since the day is normal I feel no tension. In the question-- "...She late or what?"-- I see a possible dilemna or story coming, but I would like to be drawn in more.

A suggestion would be to cut the descriptions as they seem to hinder the story at this point and maybe when you do put them in have it be a part of the story flow:

an example: "What do you think...she late or what?" he asked glancing up at his tall/fair-headed/whatever partner, John. (lame, I know, but it is just an example. Slip in the information and you won't have to step back from the action).

Maybe consider starting with the "She late or what" line and going from there.

Or, if you want to grab us with the character, get deeper into his mind. He won't notice the color of his own eyes, but you can give us more of a feeling for what goes on inside, which will catch greater interest.

First, a little forum ettiquette that isn't a particular problem; no one's upset or anything, but typically when we introduce a story we give the following info:

1. Title
2. Genre
3. Word count
4. What kind of feedback desire (ie just on the first 13, a look at all or some of the story, or maybe you have a specific question you'd like answered)

It just helps us to understand what you want and how we can be of assistance.

Now, on to the piece itself. I have to be honest, I wouldn't usually touch something like this. The reason is that when grammar is such an issue as it is in this case it usually means that the writer cannot benefit from what I have to say. We tend to do best on this site when we can point out specific story issues. We spent a lot of time talking about hooks and POV. I don't think you're to the point where that will help you, though. In my humble opinion (for whatever it's worth), you need to take a step back and work on language. Let me go through this to show you what I mean:

**********************************

"It was a normal day for Danrus Nachika the bright sun reflected down on him."

This is not one setnence. It is two sentences. To be grammatically correct it would have to read:

"It was a normal day for Danrus Nachika. The bright sun reflected down on him."

We could discuss better ways of phrasing it at that point, but fir I hope you understand why it was incorrect in the first place. If not, please feel free to ask and I'll try to find a way to put it in words.

"he was a plain man with black hair, green eyes and a nack for getting him self into trouble even if he didn't mean to."

You forgot to capitalize the first word in this sentence.

"Next to him stood his partner on the force John Hoshikama."

You need a comma after the word "force." YOu put a comma in situations like this when you are elaborating on something. For exmplae: "His wife, Martha...." "His cat, Spot...." "Her brilliant, ruby-cut emerald..."

"He had brilliant blue eyes witch bored into you."

*which not witch...This isn't precisely a grammar mistake but is a strange switch to second person POV. Why are you all of a sudden addressing the reader here?

"This was his specialty to make you weak in the knees and was quite affective for interrogation."

Once again, why address the reader? Also, effective not affective. Also, the phrasing is weird. "This was his speciality to..." Why not just "His speciality was to..."

"John looked at him slightly with his wistful air."

What does it mean to look at someone slightly? Do you mean that his air was slightly whistful?

"The city hadn't changed much in the 200 some years since the turn of the century."

Nothing grammatically wrong here but it makes no sense. 200 years since the turn of the century? 200 years is two centuries and two more turns. Perhaps you meant 20 years and simply had a typo?

Oh, and welcome to the baptism by fire. The above crits were tame, though... from this point out, they will only get tougher -- especially once we get to know you. We don't hold back here. The upside is this: If you don't run away and if you follow the advice above, your writing will improve immeasurably in a very short time. Be sure to offer to critique other people's work, too, as this is the best way to learn how to improve your own writing. Trust me. Rather, trust us.

Oh, and it's "knack", with a k.