posted
Hey. Well. I've been on a roll this last 7 days. I finished my first short story ever when I entered the flash competition last week. I've just now finished my Iniquity story too. I'm gradually coming around to this method of doing a draft first and then a rewrite etc. This version has been tweaked a bit, but might need a bit more polishing.
Here's the beginning again. It's been altered slightly since last time. I'm looking for people to read the whole thing now. It's about 2000 words.
Here's the opener: ----------- God created everything. He created light, the earth and the angels. One of these angels was called Lucifer, or as some know him –Satan. Even fewer know him as Adam. God also created good and evil, and he infused the knowledge of both into a forbidden fruit tree in the Garden of Eden. Adam ate from the tree and ever since mankind has been poisoned with evil.
Doctor Cornelius was one of these few people who understood Adam’s true identity. Cornelius had studied the Old Testament rigorously; he recalled the third chapter of Genesis now as he looked over his anaesthetised patient with the keen eye of a surgeon. If successful, he knew this would be a defining moment in history --a monumental scientific and religious breakthrough. Years of research and work in the field of behaviour correction surgery had finally led Cornelius here. God almighty let this work --he silently prayed to himself.
He was positive that he had at last pinpointed the cause of human evil. He had identified the poison inflicted on mankind since the eating of the forbidden fruit.
Printer-friendly view of this topic
