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Monday, 9/19/2011. While I’m sitting here, I might as well vent. I have second thoughts about joining Mu Iota Beta. First off, they made me take tests before initiation. I hate tests. They made me sit through these stupid lectures. I hate history. I hate the news. They even made me take notes. I hate that the most.
Look at this. Am I making a journal now? A diary? How sissy is that?
Friday, 9/23/2011. Hey, I’m not going to write in this thing every day. Sitting under a tree, philosophizing is not my thing. But it sure beats listening to Professor Pickett jab on and on. Mu Iota Beta promised to get me out of class. Now I attend classes that I don’t even belong too.
“Pay your dues,” Tim said. He’s an Iota, the leader of our chapter. He looks a bit old for the frat scene. I guess that’s why he’s the boss.
“For how long?” I asked. “Trust me, Nat,” he told me. “It’ll pay off in the long run.” -------------------------------------------------- I just started this, I have a loose outline for the story. So far, this is all I got. I'm wondering if this is the right start. I just finished reading Parable of the Sower, so decided to see if I could similarly use a diary format. I don't know if its that ripping off her idea or not.
[This message has been edited by ChrisOwens (edited April 26, 2005).]
posted
I don't have a problem with the direct quotes. Some may not write these in a journal, but then, most journals don't make coherent stories. It's an illusion.
About the story: I want some reassurance that the fraternity is going to be interesting. At present I'm very mildly hooked, hoping that it will be. I hope the narrator will tell us soon what's up.
Other than that it works: snotty tone, journal format, etc. It's been a while since I read Parable of the Sower -- but I am sure lots of writers have used journal format. I have, myself.
posted
Chris, you have posed an interesting series of dilemmas that I have been trying to get through with a project that has been presently been put on back burner for a while (at least until I figure out how to write it). So... yea... even though I don't know exactly how something like this should be written, I will definitely be watching over the progress of this thread...
Posts: 183 | Registered: Jan 2005
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posted
The only thing I want from this aside what you've given is a name for this character. Perhaps it's just a personal thing, but I like to know whose journal I'm sneaking a peek at before I get too far. Otherwise, though, I like it.
Posts: 437 | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
I would highly recommend reading Inconceivable by Ben Elton. I think it was made into a crap movie titled "Maybe Baby" or something like that. But the book is funny.
It is essentially the diaries of a married couple trying to conceive. The husband, Sam, writes to himself... at first he starts with:
Then he mentions that his wife is forcing him to write the diary. Eventually, he starts his entries with "Dear etc." when he's despondent or "Yo, Stud!" when he's pleased with himself. It's funny most of the time.
The wife, Lucy, is writing to her imaginary friend from childhood, who she calls Penny. She writes hers in a paper journal, while Sam writes his on his laptop computer.
So, in this book, there is a nice back and forth between entries and you often get two polar views of the same event. It's really a good book... it's not brilliant, but it's very good.
But it perfectly illustrates how some people might write a journal or diary. And it uses plenty of quotes to show dialogue that occurred. Nothing wrong with that.
Good luck. This could be a valid start to your story. I wasn't immediately engaged, but the idea can work.
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I was interested enough that I would keep reading. Like wbriggs said above, I hope there is some reassurance coming fairly soon that this fraternity (or character) is somehow unique. There are already hints of that, enough to keep me reading.
I also think the quotes worked well. (ha... actually I journal from time to time, and have used direct quotes in my real-life journal... am I weird for that?)
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The only thing I stumbled on was where you said, 'an Iota'.
Is that because you say it like EYE-OATA? Because I always have pronounced it like "YOTTA"
Hmmmm.
And the MIB, Men In Black thing.
I think quotes are okay. Have you read The Secret Diaries of Adrian Mole? Bit young for your target readership perhaps.
I wonder whether it is helpful to think of story beginnings as either 'valid' or 'invalid' like a driver's license. It is okay to think in terms of 'successful' or 'unsuccessful' but 'valid' makes it sound like there is some official body passing or failing your story beginnings. Which there is not. But there are agents and editors and publishers and finally the readers, whose interest you want to maintain for as long as possible. In that context this piece is successful (for me) only in a limited way. Your entries will have to become much longer at some point to keep the interest up, or you will have to employ some other device. Let the reader feel like they are involved and being told a story and not just receiving a weekly report. Sure the story engages my interest now, but I am not sure how long that will last without anticipating a change.
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited April 27, 2005).]
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As far as the journal thing - I've seen books where it works, but I think it's difficult. You might consider interspersing journal entries with regular narrative - or using other "artifacts", like notes passed in class, or notes taken in class, or phone conversations, or memos about the fraternity, or ???
Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
There isn't much to go on here. You've got a date set in the very near future. I have to believe there was a reason for that.
But that's the only promise of interest you've made.
Start with an interesting journal entry that will really frame where you want the story to go and gives the reader a clue of what type of story it will be.
posted
As far as the diary/journal thing, it is a device that has been used for more than a century, at the very least (consider Bram Stoker's Dracula; something else to look at in Dracula is Stoker uses dialogue and direct quotes).
My only nits are, as Hoptoad mentioned, the whole M.I.B. thing. As I was reading your opening, Mu Iota Beta, just wasn't rolling off the tongue (so to speak), so I tried shortening it in my mind and almost started laughing. If you are trying to draw an analogy -- great, keep it, go with it, possibly even punch it up so we know it's deliberate. If not, consider making a change.
Secondly, and this is a font issue over which you have no control, but uppercase "I" and lowercase "l" look identical in Arial/Helvetica font and it wasn't until I got to the "an Iota" that I actually started reading it correctly. Not your fault and nothing you can change, but a bit of a LOL moment for me.
[This message has been edited by Robyn_Hood (edited April 27, 2005).]
Writing a story as a journal (series of letters, transcripts of court/therapy/ummmm sessions) is a well establish practice, nobody is going to accuse you of ripping it from anyone.
For me, you were fine with the direct quote at first, but when it turned into an entire dialogue reported verbatim I got a little worried. Not terribly so, but I definitely saw EGH's point. When you write something, really think whether your character would write such a thing.
I've churned through the rough draft in case anyone wants to take a gander.
Wordcount: 2800 Genre : Science Fiction
Well, I guess you could call if SF, the viewpoint character never actaully sees anything that's SF, just hears about it secondhand. Its more about "political" intrique. I've tried to keep it as neutral to present day politics as possible.
posted
TheoPhileo, Isn't "EYE-OAT-A" a latinized pronunciation? I believe the Greeks pronounce it "YOTTA". It stems originally from the Phoenician, and has a Semitic origin as in : yd
Just being a wiseacre
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited April 28, 2005).]
posted
I'd be willing to read it, if not to critique, I would at least like to try and get ideas for how to work my own project...
Posts: 183 | Registered: Jan 2005
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Otherwise, though, I like it.
sessions) is a well establish practice, nobody is going to accuse you of ripping it from anyone.
