The very first thing they want is for me to describe the book in one-three sentences, with a note that this is, of course, the first thing that will be seen and is of the utmost importance. They call it the "punch line." So, what do you think...do any of these grab your attention?

1.

[Edited per wbriggs suggestion]

What would you do if your predictions of future events could not be changed? This is the plight of Marianne Waters, whose ability, more curse than gift, puts her in the middle of a murder invesitagtion that will require her to find meaning in her seemingly useless power.

2.

What if you could predict future events but could not change them? In Touch of Fate, Marianne Waters faces such a dilemna. When her ability puts her in the middle of a murder investigation she must find the strength she has always sought or risk losing everything.

3.

(Note: Edited per HSO's suggestion)

What would you do if you could predict future events but were powerless to change them? In Touch of Fate, two women have diametrically different answers: Marianne Waters searches for strength while Suzanne Masterson turns to murder in a twisted attempt to please God. Can Marianne find the answers she seeks and stop Suzanne before it is too late?

[Edited based on Beth and minister's comments]

4.

Marianne Waters has the power to predict the future bu no power to change it. While she has spent her life struggling to find meaning, Suzanne Masterson belives she has found it -- through murder. Can Marianne find the answers she seeks and stop Suzanne before it is too late?

5.

[edited per autumnmuse's suggestion]
[reedited per a couple people's suggestions[

Marianne Waters can predict the future, but is powerless to alter its course. She has spent her life struggling to find meaning--and then she finds a murder. But before she can face the murderer, whose own predictive power has been turned to a dark purpose, Marianne must learn the truth about her own ability.

..............

None of the above is a valid answer. I may be able to think of something else, but if you could tell me which is getting closest maybe I could use that.

Also, the first sentences can be mixed and matched easily.

[This message has been edited by Christine (edited May 27, 2005).]

[This message has been edited by Christine (edited May 27, 2005).]

[This message has been edited by Christine (edited May 27, 2005).]

[This message has been edited by Christine (edited May 27, 2005).]

[This message has been edited by Christine (edited May 27, 2005).]

I like 3 because it shows the two major sources of conflict for Marianne, which is probably ideal for a punchline.

Don't take my word for it, though. I've never written one. I'm just telling you what I like.

Good luck.

I just mention that in case it helps people tweak their opinions. I definitely welcome more!

I've nearly narrowed it down to option three and am looking for ways to wordsmith it to perfection now. But based on Beth's comments, I thought I'd propose a fourth option...

#

Marianne Waters has the power to predict the future bu no power to change it. While she has spent her life struggling to find meaning, Suzanne Masterson belives she has found it -- through murder. Can Marianne find the answers she seeks and stop Suzanne before it is too late?

I'm sure you could write it snappier than that, but I'm with Beth on that first sentence and on liking having both characters introduced.

[Edited because of simulpost: Christine, what you have now looks like what I was thinking of, better than what I suggested, I think. Diametrically doesn't bother me, but it might give some people pause.]

My suggestion for #1 is: mention Cassandra ("whose Cassandra-like ability") -- good shorthand, powerful image, and if you don't I wonder if you've never heard of Cassandra. I also don't like the end ("find the answers she has always sought"? What answers?)

I think I see what you mean, now - it's not a story about two women's different approaches to the vision thing - it's about one woman's struggles with it, and over the course of her struggles she needs to defeat the other woman.

A lot of times, I back up and get more abstract. Identify all the things you want to say first, then figure out how to cram them into a few sentences.

-Marianne can predict the future but not change it.
-She's searching for meaning and is a good person.
-Suzanne is evil and kills people for some reason.
-Marianne has to stop the killer and find answers (I assume that the answers are related to her finding the killer somehow? I mean, she finds the answers and that helps her stop the killer? Or that stopping the killer gives her an answer?)

Is there anything else you need to say in the summary?

Here's a suggestion, just becuase it's more fun to play with your words than it is to work on my own stuff.

---

Marianne Waters can predict the future, but is powerless to alter its course. She has spent her life struggling to find meaning--and then she finds a murder.

Wow, how did I miss that? I used to love Greek mythology when I was in junior high; read everything I could get my hands on. I actually read the Illiad, in which she supposedly appears but I cannot for the life of me remember her.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

But when you add the twist of Suzanne, suddenly I'm interested again.

5.

[edited per autumnmuse's suggestion]

Marianne Waters can predict the future, but is powerless to alter its course. She has spent her life struggling to find meaning--and then she finds a murder. But before she can face the murderer, whose own predictive power has been turned to a dark purpose in a twisted attempt to please God, Marianne must learn the truth about her own ability.

Here we have a powerful statement instead of the question, as minister and Beth seemed to prefer, the wonderful sentences provided by Mary who managed to make this sound more exciting than I ever managed to do, and an extra tidbit to tease you about the insane purpose of the murderer. Have I got it all yet?

Maybe change it just a tiny bit:

"Marianne Waters can predict the future, but is powerless to alter its course. She has spent her life struggling to find meaning--and then she finds a murder. But before she can face the murderer, whose own predictive power has been turned to a dark purpose in a twisted attempt to please God, Marianne must learn the truth about her ability."

I changed 'Suzanne' to 'the murderer' and moved 'own.' I think it makes the sentences clearer if 'own' refers to Suzanne.

Or not. It isn't bad as is, I just had a little hiccup connecting the two sentences.

[This message has been edited by autumnmuse (edited May 27, 2005).]

Maybe added bits in [])
What would you do if you could predict future events but were powerless to change them? In Touch of Fate, two women have diametrically different answers: Marianne Waters searches for strength while Suzanne Masterson turns to murder in a twisted attempt to please God. Can Marianne [defy the restraints of her gift] and stop Suzanne before it is too late?

She can, however; change futures she doesn't predict. That's the key to the story and to finding what she needs to defeat Suzanne. I'm going to add my new version to the top list for those who don't want to go through all this hubbub.

"Predictive power" feels a little awkward. A single word like prescience, precognizance or clairvoyance would be better, though I think clair. has more to do with perceptions at a distance rather than perceptions in time. And, "twisted attempt to please God," probably isn't necessary. "...turned to a dark purpose," or, "a twisted religious purpose," or something like that is probably more effective.

quote:

---

She has spent her life struggling to find meaning--and then she finds a murder.

---

I considered rewriting to a "but" or "instead" when I first put that up there but the "and" didn't confuse me at all...it was an obvious play on words to me. I'll probably make the change anyway, if it clears it up for just that many more people and it doesn't hurt anything.

As to the "in a twisted attempt to please God" I'm still tied up on that one. I have until Tuesday to decide. I thought it added a level of characterization that might draw pepole in, but I would worry about turning people away. People can get touchy about any mention of religion, and while it is fully explained in the book that Suzanne is a crazed lunatic who has purposefully misunderstood Christianity, it could sound from the quick blurb that I am accusing Christians of being twisted in their attempts to please God. That is my current worry, anyway.

Thanks, everyone, for your advice.

Again, sorry to say, that phrase gets a ho-hum from me. "Twisted attempt to please God" worked better, IMO. Here's my reasoning. It is specific. "Dark purpose" is so vague as to be completely meaningless.

wbriggs: The reason I went there in the first place was that someone at Codex (a writer's group formed by a former boot camper for people who are working towards being professional but haven't met SFWA qualifications yet...basically they went to one by audition workshop or sold one pro story). Anyway, one person there said she found an agent by using the on-line marketplace. That won't mean it will work for you or me, but I understand the best way to sell a novel is to attend conferences, that the mail will get you limited response. Going to conferences is difficult for me, so this is the next best thing. It's a bit pricy, but at some point I've got to decide my writing is worth investing in.

Unfortunately a lot of the above descriptions stop at the 'So what?' stage of development.

You are trying to write a theme statement and these are neither easy nor obvious.

The following exercise helps me:

The Theme Generator (Sam Ham)

1. Start by completing the sentence ‘Generally, my story is about .’

This will be a general topic, like a library classification, for example ‘Marianne Waters'.

2. Write another sentence, this time beginning ‘Specifically, I want to tell my audience about...'

Perhaps you might write ‘the seeming lack of choice that faces a genuine prescient’.

3. Do the same again, this time completing the sentence ‘After reading my Novel I want my audience to understand that....

This time, what you write is a theme; a sentence in its own right, for example: ‘Marianne Waters dreams the future but cannot change it.'

Now try it again about the other woman

1. Generally, my story is about Suzanne Masterton'.

2. ‘Specifically, I want to tell my audience about the negative choices that face a genuine prescient’.

3. ‘After reading my Novel I want my audience to understand that Suzanne Masterton dreams the future and will do anything to change it, even murder.
At this point there is still the 'so what' factor that can be cleaned up with the real theme.

1: The future
2: The nature of fate
3: Fate is not set.

So reiterate the major theme in the three-sentence format ie:

Fate can't be changed.
Fate can be changed.
Can fate be changed?

So a complete statement would by something like:

quote:

---

Marianne Waters dreams the future but is powerless to change it. But there is another who dreams the future and will stop at nothing to alter what they see; not even murder. When Marianne dreams her own death at the hands of the other, will she fight it?

---

That sort of thing, more complete. BTW it is not a suggested rewrite, I have not read your piece. Whatever the description ensure that it is clear what is at stake for Marianne.

(There’s more about themes in many books by Bill Lewis, Sam Ham and John Veverka)