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This is a rewrite of something i wrote about a year ago. I near choked from how bland it was, so decided to spice it up a bit. Not yet sure of the word count or genre. I first called it 'Grimm' but am rethinking that.
The storyteller’s voice was penetrating. His slow, German-accented English could capture the attention of any audience and hold it with the lull of his precise words. I came to him, to this derelict mansion in the heart of a black forest, seeking a tale rumored to have originated in these woods. He summoned me to a room of stuffy darkness, lighted by the occasional candle. Of the lighted objects was a portrait of two men, more than likely brothers or maybe cousins, one of which was my host. The old man offered me a seat as he settled himself behind an antique desk, sighing as relief came to his ancient joints. Because he knew why I had come, I wasted no time with talk, but rather waited for him to become comfortable. He gave me one piercing glance before delving into the story.
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My tentative suggestion is to start with the next paragraph, which I'm guessing will be the story you're telling, or conversation that gets it going.
Posts: 2830 | Registered: Dec 2004
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I agree, then talk about the man telling you the story and the envirnoment ment and when i walked into this house la dee da dee da.
Posts: 24 | Registered: Jun 2005
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Am I right in guessing that the storyteller is supposed to be one of the brothers Grimm? If so, I highly recommend the book "Clever Maids: The Secret History of the Grimm Fairy Tales" by Valerie Paradiz. It is a nice in-depth look at how Jacob and Wilhelm collected their fairy tales. It is a fairly new book, so your library might not have it yet, but they might be willing to order it for you. Mine was, at any rate.
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To wbriggs and Killerkop: I had those things in mind, but am not entirely sure how i am going to keep the excitement going throughout the entire story. This is one of my more noticable flaws as a writer.
To Mel: Yes, it is about the brothers Grimm, only there is a twist. (they're evil.) I don't know whether this is too cliche but I'll take my chances. Thank you so much for the reference. I went online to look for sites about the Grimm brothers, but I only found the stories they wrote or things that said "They were German." So once again: THANK YOU!!!!
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