Willman leaned over and unsteadily drew the binoculars from the dashboard cradle to his eyes. He scanned the brush in the ravine for the telltale glow of the station marker. Dammit! That last marker was hidden well. He’d already found the first eleven markers without too much difficulty, but this one was proving a challenge. The terrain in this southern area was more dangerous and overgrown than in the rest of the Splinter Zone. He traveled here rarely and only when absolutely necessary. The glass needles were denser here, plus viney ground cover obscured the fragile mica sheets that in turn could hide crevasses.

He turned from the window and glanced down at the counter on the seat next to him. The cracked dial read 45 rads.

But, in this instance, it feels off to me... sort of forced. I don't know the first thing aboug Geiger counters and radiation, so I can't comment there. If it's all right, I'd like attack a few key lines and offer my thoughts about them.

quote:

---

Willman leaned over and unsteadily drew the binoculars from the dashboard cradle to his eyes.

---

Why "unsteadily"? If it's important, develop it. If it isn't, consider killing the adverb. Since it hasn't been developed, at least not satisfactorily, it feels like clutter. If the radiation is making Willman ill, which seems likely, then come out and say it.

quote:

---

He scanned the brush in the ravine for the telltale glow of the station marker.

---

Telltale to Willman, yes. Not to the reader, though. Question: What does a telltale glow look like? Assume we don't know, because acutally, I really don't know. Is it red, orange, mauve?

quote:

---

Dammit!

---

Comes too soon, probably. Consider telling us what the problem is first, and then have the character curse.

quote:

---

The terrain in this southern area was more dangerous and overgrown than in the rest of the Splinter Zone.

---

Perhaps comes too late. My suggestion is to weave this in more naturally with "scanned the brush." Indeed, my preference is to set up that Willman is parked somewhere in a southern area of the Splinter Zone right away. But, that's my preference, it can probably wait a moment, just as you have it. Style pref, I suppose.

quote:

---

The glass needles were denser here, plus viney ground cover obscured the fragile mica sheets that in turn could hide crevasses.

---

Firstly, I feel "and" would be a much stronger choice instead of "plus."

Secondly, I have no idea what these glass needles look like. I know they are denser here in southern SZ, but how they relate to the rest of terrain is a mystery. Consider describing them fully, short of explaining their existence of course. In other words, what are we supposed to see?

Thirdly, "that in turn could hide crevasses" feels a bit awkward when appended to the previous clause in this sentence. Consider making a new setence and developing it properly. If the viney ground cover hides the mica sheets, and the mica sheets hides [dangerous?] crevasses, then consider taking the time to create the setting fully with a very mild, very brief and relevant explanation (such as "that last step was doozy" kind of thing. If your hook is intended to be that Willman is seeking out the final station marker, as it appears to be, then you can begin to create the Splinter Zone scenery in proper detail.

Now, I'm curious to know why the station marker is important, and why Willman is seeking out twelve of them (you don't have to answer that). I don't need to know why in this introduction, but I hope it's revealed very shortly thereafter. Otherwise, I'll get frustrated and feel like I'm being misled. I am not saying that I'm presently misled, though.

Good luck.

I didn't have a problem with a "rad counter", though you don't call it that. As long as you said how long that counter had been running sometime in the next couple of lines it would be meaningful. But Rahl22 has a good point that it is useful to have another measurement of your current rate of exposure to supplement the reading of your current cumulative exposure. But I totally understand if your poor guy doesn't have one. You could have him think about the implications of his exposure being up to 45 already. I take it that means that he has little chance of getting back before his raw exposure reaches 100, but how bad is that? It won't kill him outright, at least. Not by itself.

I think that if you said what kind of station was being marked, that would go a long way to explaining why he's looking for it and what's at stake (other than his gonads).