"Hey, Seth. Seth!", a wiry youth, with yellow, wavy hair sprouting straight up from the top of his head called out through the meandering crowd, "Wait up!" As he tangled his way through the unsympathetic mass, Seth pushed himself up flat against a smooth, ebony building and out of people's way, allowing them to flow by unimpeded.

Flynt was like that--always popping up in the most unexpected places and at the most unexpected times. What could bring him to the town center; the place he usually avoided most this time of day? But that's part of what made him fun--you never knew what to expect next.

"Flynt, what are you doing here?", Seth laughed. "I thought you had no interest in instruction? Don't tell me you've

"Hey, Seth. Seth!", a wiry youth, with yellow, wavy hair sprouting straight up from the top of his head called out through the meandering crowd,

could be:

"Hey, Seth. Seth!" A wiry youth with wavy yellow hair sprouting from the top of his head called out through the meandering crowd.

Your phrasing allows for minimal punctuation. It could also be done:

"Hey, Seth. Seth!" A wiry youth, with wavy yellow hair sprouting from the top of his head, called out through the meandering crowd.

In either case, the ! usually means a hard stop or the end of a sentence so the next letter will be capitalized. There would be no comma after a quotation mark. I cannot think of a case to ever have a comma after a dialogue denoting quotation mark. The comma comes before the end quote in place of a comma or period in the spoken dialogue.

"Hey," he said, "where did everyone go?"
or
"Hey," he said. "Where did everyone go?"

both are correct.

Read the thread in the other section on attributions.

The correct punctuation for:

"Flynt, what are you doing here?", Seth laughed.

is:

"Flynt, what are you doing here?" Seth laughed.
or
"Flynt, what are you doing here?" asked Seth, laughing.

Notice that the ? when contained in quotes is not neccesarily a hard stop but, it can be when not followed by a tag like 'asked'. An exclamation point can work the same way.

BUT
"Flynt, what are you doing here?" laughed Seth.

would be incorrect. 'Laughed' is not a dialogue tag.
Edit: typos, omg, can I typo.

[This message has been edited by pantros (edited October 27, 2005).]

Any thoughts on the 13 lines? Does it have enough hook?

You dwell too much on what's going on around the characters. In the first thriteen you don't want to avoid setting, but you can just hint at it enough to help establish the characters.

The first thing you need to do is decide who holds the Point of View. Are we seeing the world through Seth or Flynt? I think Seth.

The Second paragraph is unnecessary and I'm not sure about the first. In any event, you break the fourth wall in the second paragraph when you say 'you'. I'm not there, I don't really know if I know what to expect next or not from Flynt, this is the first time I met him.

* I need more of a hook. I don't have a reason to be interested in the relationship yet. You've told me to be, in that Seth never knew what to expect with Flynt, but I haven't seen anything, orheard anything specific. Maybe your'e starting too soon.