There is no POV here also. Nations trembled at his glance? Armies crumbled at his word? This is hardcore telling. And it's not interesting because you're just using the big-powerfull-no-one-can-stand-against-the character archtype we've seen in every fantasy novel.

Is he slow witted too? If he is, you know you're writing a tremendous cliche. Does he have a soft spot for gentle things like kittens?

Who is Moroc? We get two sentences about him, yet he's supposed to be the center of this piece, from what I gathered.

quote:

---

I glazed over this paragraph right as you got around to explaining how tendons stretch. This looks like padding to me, not a story. Not really character discription, too. It's just padding.

---

That sums up my feelings, also. There is a trend in writing and movies to substitute pornography for story. Movies do it with special effects. Writers do it with gratuitous padding.

That said, this piece has me hooked and I'd read for a few more paragraphs to see if there is an actual story here, or just more mugging. Yeah, Goran is powerful. So what. There is nothing cool in being powerful, it's how he uses his powers that make me care about the character, so instead of showing me how powerful Goran is, I'd rather just have a sentence about something he did which implies his coolness and his immense powers.

I think some of the points made above could have been made more tactfully.

Edited for spelling and clarity.