posted
Okay, Snow's just a working title but I just barely started, only about six pages that need some major overhauls already but I wanted to see what you thought of the beginning:
A message was received at the Federal Preservation Bureau from the Uptai people, the last surviving indigenous tribe on the planet Pheed. A strange disease infected many of their people and the Federals could not, through any neglect on their part, let them die because they WERE the last of their people and they have a duty to insure they survive.
There is too little here, whrere's the 13 lines? Why do the Federals have a duty to insure the survival of the Uptai? I want to know more, you have me curious, there is just not enough here to work with.
posted
I wasn't satisfied with the length of it myself and I'm working at getting the rest put together.
Posts: 62 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
I'm interested enough to read the revised version. I believe you want ensure instead of insure though (ensure they survive).
Posts: 160 | Registered: Feb 2006
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