Further to your other comments, I have redone the opening scene, not starting it with the main character waking up, or with the main character at all but with her art which is the first indication that something "off" is happening. I have decided in taking a completely different tack, let me know what you think!

*****

An angel and demon were having a (showdown --> original word used) confrontation in an alleyway.

Claire Matthews sat back from the sketch with a feeling of unease. This was not the subject matter she had asked the art class to sketch and leave behind for grading. It was a good sketch, artfully rendered with strong modern gothic imagery, but disturbing enough for the hairs on the back of neck to stand upright.

On the sketch the dome of St Paul was just visible above the other darkened buildings. Down below, the street scene depicted a murder of mangy crows greedily tearing into an overstuffed garbage bag whilst a family of rats skulked in the darkening shadows behind them; an audience waiting for a show. Above their heads gargoyles leered from a nearby building towards the two figures facing one another in the alleyway.

*****

So? Worse than before?

[This message has been edited by Lizzy1973 (edited February 17, 2006).]

Also, you need to check your language usage a little better. I don't care if she is an Art teacher, Claire isn't going to think "An angel and demon was having a showdown in an alleyway." It isn't the only error, but it's a dozy.

There is SUCH a difference between constructive criticism and making patronising a-hole comments dontcha think?

Oh, sorry, before I am patronised for my AWFUL grammar, I think I meant 'do you not' instead of 'dontcha'

Also, the first sentence sounds like a joke opening, minus the bar.

"An angel and a demon walked into a bar..."

EDIT: Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. Just distracting if it's not going to be a humorous story.