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Cordale squinted painfully into the bright morning sunlight as he stood in the temple doorway. The first day of spring was now three weeks past but the biting cold of winter hung on, leaving the High Priest chilled and tense.

Your second paragraph is perilously close to info-dump. I'd prefer to have some of that background relayed through action or dialogue.

The second paragraph was both a bit dumpy and very confusing. You speak of government cutting "religious funding" in what feels like a pre-modern milieu. Presented correctly, the contradiction might be compelling, but as it is it seems weak. Most particularly, it lacks drama. Particularly to an American audience, a state sponsored religion losing it's funding seems like nothing much to cry about. Active persecution, like laws restricting prayer or other important religious observances, would be the standard we'd hold for a compelling theme.

Cordale squinted painfully . . .winter hung on, leaving the High Priest chilled and tense.

I thought: who's this High Priest guy? I thought we were talking about Cordale. Then I got it. But there's no need to make the reader work here; you can just say "Cordale, High Priest of the Poobah Diocese..."

I found paragraph 2 confusing. Why would cutting off funding to the church reduce congregation size? What did the "weak of mind" quote have to do with it? When people of late put down their belief in the Children of God, are they putting it down on a census form, or saying, "I'm stupid for believing this" -- and who are the Children of God -- worshipped beings themselves, or angels?

Confusion, for me, feeds on itself. I understand the difficulty of telling the background needed to understand Cordale's actions *and nothing more*, but for me, you didn't give me enough, and maybe in the reverse order.

>What was a mere six years past seemed a lifetime ago, when the government officially cut off religious funding.<

Some background would be helpful here as to the role of the Children of God. I meant for the references to the Children and their roles to be explained in later action/dialog throughout the story, and possibly some initial information in a prologue, or some other device. The story itself is centered around a thief, who as an orphan spent time in the Temple of Tarrinil as an apprentice of sorts to the priest. IE, placing candles, ringing the bell, carrying the offering trays, etc. The story isn't meant to be religion heavy. It's meant to backup some of the MC's morals, reasoning, and offer a source for some of his skills as a thief. Anyways, here is a quick run-down of the Children:

The God of this particular world, first created seven beings. These beings were to be known as His Children and they were to be as companions to him. Later, God created the Heaven and the Earth, and he gave his Children dominion over it. Tarrinil was his eldest Child, and was given dominion over man. The other Children were given dominion over matters of nature etc. The second eldest Child was jealous of Tarrinil and sought more power for himself. He fell from God's grace and took to hiding in the earth. It sounds cliche'd of course. Tolkien has a similar background -- which I found out after I had come up with all of this. I have always felt that in order for something to be believeable, the reader has to relate to it somehow. That is why it sounds almost Christian in nature. Anyways, a little more.... The second Child (have yet to come up with a name) manipulated a nation of humans into worshiping him, and he took them to war. Tarrinil led his own people to battle, and in so doing, the Great City he had helped to build was destroyed. In order to keep the second Child restrained for all time, Tarrinil had to sacrifice his own Earthly existance -- still working out the details here. The Great City was eventually re-built, and named Tarre in honor of the Eldest Child.

Anyways, it's more or less just mythology to support the believability of the world. Just to give it some depth.

I'll ponder my opening some more and figure out a re-write, or just move it to a later scene after we already have some details.

Your current first 13 might not prompt me to read further for the reasons others have already posted. Also, I have no sense of where you are going/what the conflict is. While I'd give you a few more paragraphs, something needs to happen soon to catch my interest.

My statement wasn't meant to be criticism. I am simply drawn more to adventure fantasy and hard sci-fi. There's no reason for this that I can see, it just is.