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Steve stepped out of the bus and into a puddle, holding the newspaper over his head to stop the rain as best he could. It was in vain, however, for the paper was torn in moments, and in the short distance from the bus to the long glass waiting booth Steve was drenched. The rain was coming down hard.

The first thing he did in the booth was examine the newspaper, but it was not worth salvaging. Oh well. He had already read the comics, and it was unlikely that the opinion page contained anything intelligent. And nothing had happened recently in sports.

Well, I would have to say, your lack of concern for an opening hook is painfully evident. Your story is fine, as far as I'm concerned, but it lacks so much. If i found this in a bookstore, and read those lines, I would be disinclined to read further.

The 13 lines, including the hope of a hook, is to develope a way to catch readers. Although you are right, some books do not begin with hooks, I maintain that it does no harm to start with one, or at least hint towards one. Your story appears to go nowhere, and I think that is your biggest problem.

Perhaps, shift the timeline of your story, and show an interesting part first. Just a suggestion.

I know you believe having a hook might be ridiculous, but editors don't. If you can't interest them right off the bat, they're not likely to consider your manuscript. Some of the books and short stories out there that do not have hooks generally tend to be by authors who have had other things published before and their editors and publishers already know that people will read their stories regardless. You're going to be hard pressed to find an editor who picks up your story, reads the beginning, is not hooked right off the bat, but keeps reading anyway. They don't have the time and many of them do not have the patience for that. Your story will go straight to the slush pile.

That said, your story as it is right now does not have a hook, which, based off of your opinion on hooks, you're probably well aware of. However, because it lacks anything interesting right off, I would not keep reading. You haven't given me a good reason to. It's just exposition. Why should I even continue beyond these first thirteen lines? Because it gets better later on? I don't want to keep reading to see if it gets better. I want it to be good now and I want it to stay that way throughout.

In this instance, ask yourself whether you start in the right spot or in a flat spot.

In my opinion the characterisation was good but it went on too long, to the point that it felt like the author was interfering. ie: He's already read the comics. Forget the line about opinions and sports. They're just padding or else may be an attempt to make the guy seem less of a lightweight. If so, have some patience.

I'd read on because it's lighthearted.

Could revise use of commas. See if periods are more appropriate.

Minor nit 01: Can a newspaper held over one's head really stop the rain? Is it some sort of ritual magic?
Minor nit 02: Word 'booth' indicates a very small room---to me anyway. Is this the intended image?
Minor nit 03: The word 'torn' seems wrong. Newspapers tear when dry and begin to 'disintegrate' or 'fall apart' when wet.

PS: welcome

Forgive[and correct] me if I say or do anything wrong. This is my first non-introduction post. I've read the rules, and know etiquette, but enough about me, this is your thread.

The opening, even with all the rain, seems to me to be very dry. It could be a good story, but it's just as likely to be a bad one.

Now I agree, opening hooks aren't necessary - at least, once you're established. My favorite series doesn't use a hook untill about the third page in most of the books. However, I only gave that first book a second shot past the first page when my ex shoved it down my throat and told me to read more.

Opening hooks are part of the tactic that I, the reader, use to decide on a book to read. I'll shuffle through the library, stopping to read the first page of every book on the fantasy shelf, untill I find one that catches me.

So I would certainly recommend one. I'm afraid I haven't really much else to add.

i understand where some might argue the hook issue (as in editors) but i have read plenty of books with no hooks or at least no apparent hooks. on the occasion that i do stop reading a book, its not till i'm further in and finally realize i wont get into it.

most readers at least give it a chance through the first couple chapters, or a minimun of a few pages. i've never met anyone giving it up after the first paragraph.

And yes, there are books out there that do not have hooks right at the beginning, but more often than not, they're by established authors. If you read the first novel (or short story, as the case may be) written by an established author, you'll probably notice a hook there. Also, older books tend not to have hooks, but in recent years, they have become more important as more and more people try to get their stories published. You need a hook in order for your story to stand out from the rest--and again, that's for the editor, not the reader.

As a reader, I can say that I prefer that there be a hook. When I go to the library or the bookstore, I read the first page or so to see if I like it. If the author does not give me a good reason to read it right at the beginning, I'm not likely to check it out or buy it--unless it's something that my friends have reccomended to me.

Oh, and it is probably even more imperative that you have a hook in your short story because you don't have the space to start out boring and then interest the editor (or reader) later on.

It was in vain, however, for the paper was torn in moments, and in the short distance from the bus to the long glass waiting booth Steve was drenched. The rain was coming down hard. (Rework. Maybe move the last sentence of this paragraph to the first. It was in vain though because it was raining hard.... The paper.... etc.

The first thing he did in the booth was examine the newspaper, but it was not(Wasn't) worth salvaging.
Oh well.(Make this a thought.)
He had already read the comics, and it was unlikely that the opinion page contained anything intelligent.(Maybe a thought here like It never did) And nothing had happened recently in sports.

I know this is a matter of personal choice, but Steve isn't a very interesting name to start with. Feel free to use it, but if you're going for a fairly standard name, try not to start the story with it. The immediate emphasis is 'another story about some guy called Steve', which doesn't bode well in the eyes of the readers.

Too much focus on the newspaper, unless newspapers have a crucial part to play in the plot (ie. demon leaps out of newspaper; demon made out of wet-moulded origami comes to life; demon likes eating fish & chips, etc...) The lack of content of the newspaper is also of no interest to me as a reader. Again, if there was a crucial plot point hidden in the newspaper, it would be worth it, but at the moment the character feels like an actor improvising with props while he waits for his co-actors, who have missed their call and are propping up the bar backstage.

Woo, that's me taking a thought too far.

Hope it helps!