1. Why does it seem like hours for the armoured men to approach the ambush? Are you trying to point out that there is tension here for your MC? Or is sound somehow making the noises of the regiment carry a very long distance? I guess I'm just trying to say that mentioning that is felt like hours is a little unbelievable. It felt like a long time, a very long time, minutes, but not hours. You could watch someone approach you for hours, if you had a good vantage point. Hear them approach for hours? They'd have to be moving very slowly and carrying a very large tamborine.

2. Tricorne hat and bow & arrow doesn't seem to me like they would go together. I'm not going to argue against the possibility of it happening, and if you've done the research and this holds true then I'll not quibble further. It just seems to me that the hat would possibly interfere with the bowstring, or at least have the possibility of becoming cumbersome. Have you shot a bow before? I have, and the general rule is keep things away from the string when shooting. No ballcaps, sunglasses, etc. On a further note to this, I get the image of a tricorne hat and poufy white sleeves. It's not indicated here, but that's the image I get. Poufy sleeves would certainly be a no-no if you're handling a bow.

3. The idea of a king receiving tribute of logs and a tricorne hat also doesn't seem to mix. One seems medeival, the other from the 17th-18th century. Again, I'll let further research trump my opinion.

Just a couple initial thoughts I had. I might keep reading to see what's going on and why this ambush is taking place. Kind of depends on the mood I'm in. The three things I pointed out above kind of threw me out of the story though.

quote:

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Jaedon Tanner tipped back his tricorne hat and mopped his brow with his sleeve. He could hear the approaching Imperial regiment clearly now. The [indistinct<--how can it be indistinct if you recognize that the sound is made by-->] jingle of harness and clatter of [armoured<--first big confusion of period.] men on the march had been getting louder for what seemed like hours. They were close now. [He fingered the arrow and nocked it to his bow again.<--Tricorns are indicative of muskets and rapiers, not bows.] He glanced around him and nodded in grim satisfaction.[<--At what?] The forest seemed empty save for the huge stacks of felled trunks ready to be taken away as part of the [Imperial<--What empire? This is the second time it's mentioned without clarifying.] tribute. None of the men under his command were visible.
He unnocked the arrow again and pulled himself forward to the edge of the ridge.[<--This kills the tension that was being built.] The outriders had still not appeared: the road below was empty, sandwiched between the steep slope

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1) Tricorn hats bing a specific era to mind: around the American Revolution to a bit after the Napoleonic Wars. There are reasons for someone could concievably use this in conjuntion with a bow, but they are a rarity and would need some explanation. In that time period, if someone used a bow -- assuming the Native American type, because the english had stopped issuing them when they accepted the musket -- he would normally be a mountain-man type. This brings to mind images of Davy Crockett or Daniel Boone.

2) I don't have a problem with the kingly tribute, because that was happening well past the Napoleonic Wars, but I do have a problem with the "King" or "Emporer" -- if in fact it's Napoleon -- NOT being mentioned by name. The protagonist certainly would have thought it.

3) In this era, people didn't wear "armour".

4) There is a time, just prior to flintlocks (when they didn't lock back) that pistols were commonly carried with rapiers, and I could imagine this being among a "changing" era, but you'd have to make that clear.

5) Where are they? Country? City or Town? If it's invented, we should know that also.

6) What troops are they going to ambush? I don't know if I should root for the MC (as protagonist) or against him (as the antagonist) at this point.

That said. I probably would read on. I love historical fiction -- which I assume this to be -- and could forgive some roughness in the beginning.

The writing is smooth and has a good voice. There are a few prose NITS that I could expand on, but those are probably your "unidentifiable issues".

You really should identify the genre, so people aren't wondering whether it's alternative history, historical fiction, fantasy (High, Low, or Heroic), or Sci-Fi (Time Traveling or some such).

Just a bit of background to the world in which this takes place, as a lot of the critiques have (rightly) pointed out that its unclear. I guess that's an indication that its fantasy, but its kind of a different history too. Its loosely an alternate Europe where technology is slowly superceding magic as magic is dying out. This is leading to the collapse of an Empire as the magic that it used to keep control is dying out.

Sigh. Thats a very long-winded way of saying that the tricorne hat/longbow/armour are all 'cool' things that I wanted to include. There are others: airships, capes, bandoliers, flintlock pistols... I'm sad, I know. I guess, like the purple prose that you personally love, if enough people say its a problem, then you're not the one thats right. Deeper sigh.

Thanks again for all your help.