* * *

Cara sat very still, trying not to fidget on the cold stone floor. She heard him shuffling through the room towards her. Eyes closed, shoulders back: sit up straight, that’s what he’d said. If nothing else, her posture would not displease.

He stopped a short distance from her.

‘Your progress has been slow,’ said the Magistrate. She knew better than to reply. ‘It will not continue to be so. Sit up straight’. With a soft click, an object was placed before her. Already she knew what it was. The Magistrate took a step back.

‘Begin.’

Cara kept the smile from her face.

‘It is a smooth, flat stone, Magistrate,’ she said. ‘A symbol has been carved into the upper face. It is nihm’.

* * *

Thanks for reading . There is more of this, though I'm not done with it yet. Also, I've posted a revised version of my Dana story (see the tread 'Something I resurrected'), if any of you read that and wanted to see the new attempt.

Daniel.

[This message has been edited by bluephoenix (edited December 23, 2007).]

quote:

---

Cara sat very still, trying not to fidget on the cold stone floor. She heard him shuffling through the room towards her.

Eyes closed, shoulders back: sit up straight, that’s what he’d said. If nothing else, her posture would not displease.

He stopped a short distance from her.

‘Your progress has been slow,’ said the Magistrate. She knew better than to reply. ‘It will not continue to be so. Sit up straight’. With a soft click, an object was placed before her. Already she knew what it was. The Magistrate took a step back.

---

I would change the first bit of thought to a new paragraph...but I understand why you may have put them together--get more in the 13 lines, yes?

Also Annepin, I was thinking about your comment about how he was able to relay so much, using so few words. He does, but in this instance he also benefits from only having to describe things in terms of sound and, in one instance, of touch (cold floor). As she has her eyes shut, he doesn't have to describe the room she is in or how the magistrate looks. I think that takes the pressure off slighlty as sight is an important part of what we have to cram in to the 13 lines.

Perhaps others disagree and think it may be harder to write a blind POV. I think writing an extended POV with blindness would be a big challenge to keep the reader occupied...but unless Daniel has changed the story this is a fairly short episode without sight-- and therefore easier to do.

Adam

To Adam, glad you still like it . I thought I'd do what you did, and see if I get the same responses here as I did in DeepGenre (the Ingrid Silver one is up in feedback for novels). It will eventually be finished - I finally have a story arc for it. All that remains is to write the damn thing, lol.

Re. blind POV, I don't have to worry too much, since she just has her eyes closed (and will, of course, open them again). Is it easier, though? Not sure. It's a question of balancing things out, I suppose - on the one hand, I have a weight off my shoulders because I don't have to bother with visual details yet. On the other, I somehow have to describe the room and situation without seeing it. That said, I think it'd be quite hard to sustain over a long period (if, for example, the POV character was blind). Might be interesting to attempt it, though.