Steve couldn’t feel his toes. He was tired from walking in knee-deep snow and hadn’t seen a deer all day.
“Spear season sucks,” he said.
“I kind of like the challenge,” replied Bill.
“Jeff said the same thing two weeks ago. I bet he feels differently after that buck gored him.”
“So he doesn’t have a spleen anymore. That’s what makes it great. Man versus nature at its finest,” Bill said while throwing a right cross in the air.
Steve gave a pile of snow a swift kick.
“I miss rifle season.”
“Blame those nature wackos for taking that away.” Bill shook his head, “Animals and Humans Observing Life Equally.”

Not getting any sci-fi, fantasy or horror vibe.

It also starts with a conversation where there are 3 names used in fairly quick succession, all of which have one syllable. I would suggest ensuring differences such as Pete, Alexander and Quincy (the pathologist!). Just examples, but it makes it easier. Also it's just a couple of guys chatting, admittedly it interests me the fact the can't use guns anymore, but I know there are guys who hunt bears with bows, so to hunt deer with spears ain't a big leap. So in terms of the thirteen line hook rule...I don't feel hooked.

Were it mine, I would start with one of them chucking a spear at something and missing (e.g. action) and then chat as they trudged over to recover the spear.

I also think Frank, you could have chosen punchier sounding words as this feels a little flat, which is unlike you.

Take the first sentence.

Steve couldn’t feel his toes (Strunk and White say that where possible make positive statements). He was tired from walking in knee-deep snow and hadn’t seen a deer all day.
“Spear season sucks,” he said.

Steve's toes were numb. His muscles ached from struggling through knee-deep snow and he was miserable; they hadn't glimpsed a deer all day.
“Spear season sucks,” he said.

Thanks everyone! I took your suggestions and made some improvements to it. I sent it away and now I await a response (something I've been doing a lot of lately).