I would like feedback on the writing, whether or not you are hooked, and if anyone knows of a better high fashion watch than the one I've named here. Thanks.

Penelope Primrose scowled at the half naked man in the Macy’s display window. With her two inch black tapered fingernail, she tapped her Movado watch, and jumped when she heard the loud crack as her nail hit its face. Cerulean stopped flexing his pecks just long enough to gaze back at her with wide innocent eyes, and mouth the word “What?” through the glass. Penelope stifled the urge to poke his eyes out, and instead, with a jerk of her hand, she held up two fingers and tapped her watch again.
“Appointment!” she yelled.

Cerulean shrugged, and cupped a hand around his perfect shell-shaped ear.

As for this fragment, no. Not hooked. I get the feeling there's something different about Cerulean (other than his painfully weird name) but I don't know what it is yet and I'm not curious enough (yet. There's hope.)

Some other general feedback:
- It's not clear that cerulean = the man in the macy's display window. If Penelope knows who he is, then she would scowl at Cerulean, not at "the man" - know what I mean? If you're in Penelope's point of view and she's looking at a man she knows, she doesn't think of it as "a man" in the window, she thinks of him by his name. So name him earlier. Or find another way to tie the half-naked man to the name Cerulean.
- Is her full name necessary? If you need us to know first and last name, can you dish out the last at least later in the text? It's a mouthful to get it all at once.
- Cerulean is a beautiful color of blue. It is a mouthful for a name.
- I don't get the tapping her watch and hearing a crack. Was she surprised that her nail made a noise on the watch face? Why? Also suggest you reconsider the wording - you have tapered near tapped in this sentence, which are tricky to read close together. Is she goth? because she's got black tapered fingernails, that was my impression. You might revisit your choice of descriptors for her if that was not your intent.
- Stifling the urge to poke the eyes out of someone behind glass isn't a particularly hard urge to stifle. Can you come up with some other way for her to show her annoyance?

This feedback is story/hook construction kind of feedback - so, that's good, actually. Your mechanics are strong.

You did ask for feedback on the writing, right? Well, first, I think the line that says "two-inch black tapered fingernail" could be worded better as "tapered two-inch black fingernail". Seems to flow better to me.

I wondered why she jumped when her nail hit the watch face, she could hardly be surprised.

I'm assuming that by a "high fashion" watch you mean an expensive one.

<geek mode on>

"Fashionable" generally means Swiss in the watch world. There's nothing wrong with Movado. As KayTi hints they're a notch or two up from Fossil, Swatch and Casio.

Here's what a few of the better known expensive Swiss watches say to me:

Patek Philippe - classical taste and loads of money -- Ellington and Einstein were owners
Omega - classic style, James Bond
Cartier - conspicuous fashion, old money
Rolex - as KayTi says, the classic icon for loadsa money, some would say brash
Rado - modern style, understated money
Breitling - aeroplanes and pilots, conspicuously mechanical
Tag Heuer - motor sport, style

Really stylish watches are mechanical--clockwork that's either hand-wound, or "automatic", winding itself through the motion of the wearer's wrist. (Rolex invented automatic watches.)

Connoisseurs enjoy the skill that goes into designing and making a mechanical watch with "complications"--extra dials that tell moon phase, date, year, day of week, elapsed time, lap times, local time at Alpha Centuri--and will pay much for them. If your character puts it down for too long it'll stop.

There's also D Freemont, nice American-designed watches with Swiss movements, if you want your character to wear something unusual, relatively unknown, but stylish.

Alternatively, fashion houses like Calvin Klein and Armani sell watches, but they're just leveraging the brand and offer little that's unique in the watch world. In contrast, leading makers like Patek, Omega and Rolex compete as much on designing new mechanical movements as on fashion.

<geek mode off>

I will try to get it together to rewrite and will post again later.

One additional thing I noticed that is coming across wrong is that Penelope is the main character, not Cerulean, so I'll have to fix that, and other weird things that you pointed out.

"she tapped her Movado watch, and jumped when she heard the loud crack as her nail hit its face"
I found this sentence confusing and a bit implausible. Tapping is usually considered to be a motion that doesn't involve much force, so the "loud crack" doesn't match up with the motion Penelope does. If you had indicated that in her impatience, she accidentally makes a harder strike than before, I would've been convinced by her reactive jump.

In general, maybe you should try taking a bit longer to introduce the characters and convey their unique little quirks.
Exposition is important, but an overload of information disengages the reader pretty quickly.

[This message has been edited by supaflyza (edited May 08, 2008).]