I suppose you're going for an atmospheric hook, difficult in my view, but not impossible. It's let down by a few little problems ...

First, the title has already been used by a movie. Also, there's nothing alien in these first few lines. It's not mandatory, but a juxtaposition of alien and mundane is, for me, more of a hook than mundane alone.

I stumbled on the first sentence, thinking that surely, the farm (or the farmer) is his neighbour. Perhaps just, "bedroom overlooked the neighbouring farm"? The first para seems to be about what he often does--but do machine-age farmers often tend their crops? And surely they only pick corn and turn the field once or twice a year, not "often"--unless this MC is an alien who experiences our years as days ... Also, I think "gobble" and "wrath" are two different, contradictory metaphors, and just one would be better.

Second sentence, second para needs to be past perfect tense, I think. So, "It had rained earlier ... but the clouds had since ..." And the past tense of "cast" is still "cast".

Finally, turning off the light and crawling into bed sounds like the end of a scene, not the beginning. If something's going to happen as he drifts off to sleep, I think it should be foreshadowed, perhaps by mentioning his mission, his anxieties, maybe his interest in the farmer. Else, perhaps, the story's starting too early.

I was intrigued by your mysterious UFO idea in your introduction thread. I must say your opening has a very dull hook though. A few thoughts.

quote:

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His second floor bedroom overlooked the farm separating his property from the neighbors. He often sat in his room watching the farmer tend his crops. He loved seeing the machines gobble up the rows of corn leaving the bare field in its wrath.

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Three consecutive sentences starting with a pronoun and we have no idea who he is. I suggest you introduce this character right from the start. I am sure you were after a mundane opening to show your MC's mundane life. Perhaps you did too good of a job.

quote:

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On warm nights, he opened the windows and pulled back the curtains. It helped to keep him cool as he slept and he enjoyed the lingering smell after the tractor turned the field.

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Sounds nice but still nothing exciting. It may help if you could be more descriptive about the lingering smell.

quote:

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This evening began like many others before. It rained earlier that evening, making the air exceptionally crisp, but the clouds have since drifted off exposing the glimmering stars.

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The evening echo is an eye seed bump. Change one to night or dusk. The but feels wrong. Try an 'and'.

quote:

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A gentle breeze softly moved the drapes back and forth while the moonlight casted shadows on the walls. He turned off the light on the nightstand and crawled into bed.

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The best part of your opening. It's a nice visual. I think this would be a lot smoother if a started right here and change that He to a name. As far as the rest goes it needs something. The opening reads like an ordinary evening in an ordinary life. It's been done a lot and rarely is it done well enough to grab the attention of an editor that needs to do a lot more reading. What you need is a new angle. Make it creepy, or funny, or exciting. Do it from anothers POV if you need to. From the aliens, or a person going through an abduction, or an airtraffic controller watching the blibs on his screen do impossible things in front of his eyes. Remember, you spent a lot of time and effort writing this script. It would be a shame if the person you are trying to sell this to gives up on the first page.

Note from Kathleen: Sorry, mark_w_16601, the rule isn't 13 lines at a time, it's 13 lines period.

Either way, the first 13 is the first 13, there isn't a "second half". As you'll know from the FAQ, the idea here is that the first 13 lines need to hook the reader; the second 13 don't count. Defining what you are trying to do isn't the issue. The thing is, does the first 13 lines hook the reader?

Also, since the hook is your chance to snag a reader, "nothing special and very ordinary" is a high-risk strategy. When I'm scanning a SciFi mag for something to read, I'll pick special and out-of-the-ordinary every time--and our first 13 theory is that most people will.

That said, the second thirteen isn't helping a great deal because it continues to be non-specific. Neither MC nor we know what is happening. And what means "terrified"? Small kids are terrified of imaginary things under the bed, while if James Bond or Captain Picard are terrified, we know it's truly terrifying.

Until we know who "he" is, we don't know what degree of terror he's suffering, nor whether we care. Few readers are prepared to read for long about someone they don't know or care about.

Hope this helps,
Pat

Thank you for your response. I am new at this and need to re-read the posting requirements. This is my introduction to my novel. I understand the 13 rule better now and will pay closer attention in the future.

I will also rewrite my introduction to captivate the reader quicker.

thanks once more..