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Kathleen encouraged me to ask for help here, so here I am. Asking for help. I have written the first page of a story that has the MC in his house, holding his brother's bone, and hearing the ghouls who have been pursuing him break in. He recaps what has happened to him in a series of "if only" statements, that ramble on in stream of consciousness style. In sum, the peddler came to town, sold mushrooms to restaurants, people in the town ate them, were overtaken by the alien mushrooms, sickened and died, were buried and later harvested. The problem I am having is that I am not sure about the alien harvesting aspect and I have the story opening with the MC feeling regretful about the past. At first I wanted it to be the style of a Lovecraft or Poe story, where the narrator starts out just before the climax, then tells the story in a recap, and brings the reader back to the present again, just before the resolution. But now I don't really know what to do with it. I'd like the MC to be chased, and to reveal the significance of the bone and how and why he has it, and... and then I can't figure out what to do with the story. I'd love any suggestions, opinions or advice. The first 13 lines are listed below.
In the middle of the night, when we wake up suddenly from a deep sleep, wondering if the news we heard that day will come true, wondering if our time to die will come tomorrow, wondering if we really will live on and on until we get old and wrinkled, and are struck suddenly by stroke or emphysema, do we really care? Do we care about our neighbors sleeping in their bedrooms all up and down our streets, do we wonder if they too lie awake in the dark stillness, listening for the next heartbeat? Well, you might, but I never give it any thought. I wake, I might take a trip to the bathroom, then I let myself drop down into my warm delicious bed and I fall back asleep. No, I never wonder.
Correction. I never used to wonder. Never gave my mortality a
[This message has been edited by Kathleen Dalton Woodbury (edited January 23, 2009).]
posted
One of the things I would like to encourage in these Fragments and Feedback topics (and which happens a little in the Novel area with queries) is brainstorming to help people when they can't figure out how to work out a story.
There are plenty enough people on this forum who have said they have trouble finishing stories who could use help with that, and help working out how to structure a story, even when you know how you want it to end would also be appreciated.
So, please, people, think of this as brainstorming. You're not going to write seacat's story for her, but you can help her with how she structures it, and with how she accomplishes what she's trying to do with it.
Brainstorming means tossing out ideas, no matter how crazy, and seeing what other ideas they can evoke in the discussion. The value of an idea is not the question here, so don't worry about "critiquing" the ideas. Just toss them out there and see what else can come of them.
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And in hopes of getting things started, may I submit that one way to structure this, for modern readers (who don't like flashbacks that stop the story in mid-hook), might be to have the main character working through what happened while he's not in immediate danger.
That way you give the readers just the information they need in order for them to care.
Then, get him into his dangerous situation, and have something that happens there give him the final bit of information (the "reveal") that does all of the gut-wrenching you might want in a Lovecraftian sense, and then he dies.
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Just a brief observation; It seems that you indicated that the plot seems to be moving backwards... a flash back. I tend to prefer forward moving plots, but that is not to say that this couldn't be done effectively. I would be willing to look over what you have if you need an opinion. Just let me know what you are looking for exactly.
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We can maybe even set up a thirty minute IM session to brainstorm in real time if you think that may help. I have done similar with Anne and others and it seemed to be really productive.
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posted
hmmm sounds like a fun story///are you familiar with conks? they are a fungal body that protrudes from a trees that have a good bit of interior rot/// think of them kinda like a tumor, but on a tree// I can see some guy visiting A Dr and opening up his shirt to show the Dr this conk growing from his belly// and when the Dr has him stick out his tongue///A bunch of fibers are already present in his mouth/// the guy is rotting from the inside out ewwwwwww////now I didn't quite get the connection between the ghouls chasing this guy unless that's what they become after they spore out?
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Ewwwww... Super gross I love it! Yes, they turn into ghouls. But now I'm concerned that part about them eating people has been way overdone. Your input gave me another idea though. Now I am thinking that those people who have alien mushrooms in them develop what they think are "superior" abilities, and want to convert everyone to be like them.
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I like the idea of the "superior" ghouls trying to get everyone else to be like them. But are they truly superior?
Also, I am not a very experienced writer, but I am an experienced reader, and have read a number of novels done in a flashback style (I like Poe) and I am not bothered by it at all, however, some writers are not careful to be clear about when they are in flashback and when they are in the present. In short, I think that if you are careful to be clear about when the action is taking place, your origional idea could work, especially with teh reflective tone of the narration. Your first 13 are elegantly crafted,and I like how the elegance of teh narration contrasts with the super-icky alien-harvested ghouls.
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Thank you for all the encouragement and input. Ideas are starting to coalesce in my brain. AmieeRock, you've given me the impetus to cut out some of the introduction, so that I can reveal less and put it into the body of the story. Thank you for that, and for the compliment regarding the writing.
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Other thoughts: Okay, so now I am thinking that the people who are inhabited by mushroom aliens reveal superior intellect, night vision, superior strength and endurance, and are connected telepathically to one another. But what they are lacking is human emotion, and the ability to love.
So, does anyone have any ideas on how a human being (the MC) could destroy these people? The only one I have is that they have a "mother-alien" or central brain that they are all linked to, and the MC has to find out where it is and destroy it. Would this work? Any other ideas?
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I love it! Yes, they turn into ghouls. But now I'm concerned that part about them eating people has been way overdone. Your input gave me another idea though. Now I am thinking that those people who have alien mushrooms in them develop what they think are "superior" abilities, and want to convert everyone to be like them. 
