posted
This is an exercise in some new techniques for me. I'm not sure if it's successful or not. It's realistic fiction. Let me know about the first 13 of course, and I'm also looking for folks to read the whole thing (it's very short!). Thank you!
The actor’s face fills the screen, twenty feet tall. I lean back. We are sitting too close. It’s one of those classic romances that comes out around the holidays. Young kids fall madly in love, overcome hardship, and then die of old age together in bed, utterly satisfied. We haven’t made it to the fairytale ending yet. The couple is sitting in a parked car. Their faces are emotive but their words are weak. “I have to go,” the man says. I turn to my friends beside me, smiling, wanting to make fun of the obvious statement. They are not there. I look around; no one. When did they leave? It's not funny when there's no one else around. The sound system is too loud and the colors are
posted
nice foreshadowing of a disappearance...I think I had the sense that the MC was going to make a crack to friends about a need to urinate....I would read more and you can send please
Posts: 690 | Registered: Oct 2008
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posted
I like the feel of the concise, cut sentences. I'd be more than willing to give specific feedback, if you'll email me the rest.
Posts: 9 | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
I like it thus far, and am curious to see how you play this out in only 400 words. I particularly like the line "We haven’t made it to the fairytale ending yet." It reads well and the use of "we" intrigues me here when the protag is apparently alone, it adds to the sense of loneliness. I would be happy to take a look at the whole thing.
Posts: 99 | Registered: Feb 2009
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