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First 13 of another flash fiction piece. I'm concentrating on the short stuff for a bit to get back in the groove. I have the whole thing done for anyone interested in reading it.
Monday: I hated the vid-squatters. The ones on Third Ave were the worst - so obnoxious about trying to grab eye-time. I almost kept on walking to Fourth even though that would make me late for work - again. Then I thought, hey, it's my city, too. Besides, it's not like I'm some total rube who'd gawp at a screen long enough for the retinal scanners to lock on and start billing me. I strode along the first two blocks like I was working a catwalk. Most of the squatters were flashing porn, as usual. That stuff might work on the teenage boys, but it was so much static to a visually sophisticated urban female professional such as moi. One creepier than usual guy was running vids of kittens playing in tall grass. I rolled my eyes at him as I walked by. As if I'd be caught staring at View-zak.
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Wow, very strong opening. Really puts us into the MCs shoes and we get a strong sense of her attitude. And it has that 'A Clockwork Orange' future-slang thing going for it. It certainly punches up the narrative.
I'm still not sure exactly what's going on though. Are they watching it like one can watch tv from a store window?
I dont get a good visual of what viddies look like and how they work - or if it is just new slang describing tech we are familiar with.
However I'm wondering what the actual story is - so far there's nothing to indicate this day is different from any other, and this is almost 25% of your total word-count.
I would read on, however, since it's such a short piece.
I am working on the balance between her explaining more about the vid-squatters and not verging into info-dump territory. The first draft I did had her thinking a lot more about the process and it just seemed forced to me. I've possibly pushed it a bit too far the other way in this revision. Have to think on that a bit.
I emailed out a copy of the whole story to those who asked. I appreciate it!
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