Wind chimes always precede nasty events. I told my aged wife this when she wanted to display hers from the cracked ceiling of our back porch.
“They remind me of summer,” she said on the windy day she died.
When I hear them, I only hear impending destruction. The “event” of every old disaster movie is foreshadowed by the soft, seemingly peaceful notes of metal on metal.
The chimes are a knell, a calm breeze announcing destruction. And I know today—-a big, local holiday--will be no different, so I sit on the porch, the best view on the mountainside.
[This message has been edited by Winters (edited July 25, 2011).]
[This message has been edited by Winters (edited July 25, 2011).]
For me personally, the sentence: "I told my aging wife this when she wanted..." required a number of attempts to read properly. Perhaps a reordering of the two sentences might read a little more clearly. I'm certainly interested to know what calamity the harbingers of doom are foreshadowing this time.
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Does it sound better if I change aged to graying? I wanted to get the sense that these characters are older without saying "I'm 65" or whatever.
Also, would anyone be willing to read it? It's pretty short.
Hmmm, Took me awhile to get here....I'm way behind on my crits here.
Anyway, This one is interesting. But I think I agree with one or two people who thought the second sentence sounded off. I understood it well enough but the flow seems to be off.
The third one sounds almost like a poem but with 440 words that might be okay.
That's about all I have... over all I think its not bad at all.
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