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Dr. Gregory N. Ome, at just over thirty-six inches tall, was legally a dwarf in height, but a giant in stature and expertise in the realm of psychology. He'd received the call at 8:13 that morning and hurried to the clinic where he practiced.
With short, quick steps, he made his way to his colleague’s office. “Whatcha got for me, Stew?” he asked, walking in without invitation.
Dr. Stewart Knickles looked up from the papers strewn across his desk, “You're going to love this one, Greg,” he said with a smirk, as he picked up a folder and handed it to Dr. Ome. “The cops picked this guy up at around five this morning.”
Doctor Ome cocked an eyebrow and took the offered folder. “Why?”
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I quite like this and would read on. I do find the name N. Ome a tad corny though and the clinic where he practiced would surely have a name.
Posts: 778 | Registered: Aug 2010
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posted
Your writing is clear and easy to read. Not an easy thing to do. The little dialogue there is flows well, too.
quote:Dr. Stewart Knickles looked up from the papers strewn across his desk, “You're
After "desk", you should use a period. That sentence is an action tag, what some editors seem to call a "beat."
My issue with this is only about taste. I don't like to be kept in the dark. Other people love these kinds of hooks, though. When you say at what time they picked the guy up, for example, I would've loved a: He tried to eat his own foot. (Or whatever's weird with him.)
I second pdblake's impression about the name.
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Not much to wrap around a positive response to!? This is a specimen type, N. Ome, the specimen and an uninteresting one. I don't know that a legal definition of a dwarf exists, a technical one, yes, of a height less than 4 foot 10 inches. That's a point perhaps for adding interest. Is Ome's dwarfism a height distinction or is he the mythical gnome made real in the narrative and, thus, legally required to and registered as a gnome?
He seems to be the former height distinction only. An opening ought to clear that up, and if fantastical, at least clearly imply that feature. Okay if contemporary fantasy, only a cue is needed that is so.
Any kind of forensic situation invariably redirects complication and conflict from a complicated and conflicted individual. Then, though, the forensics individual needs a personal complication and conflict beyond mere resolution and satisfaction of another individual's conflict and complication. Otherwise, the real viewpoint agonist is the other individual, not the forensicist. Connecting the dots, though, is a challenge. A start point is what does Ome personally want and what's his personal problem about the want. A forensic psychologist dwarf gnome, obviously, has height issues, like Bonaparte. People tend to go into fields that are heal thyself vocations, too. Shrink, shrink thyself. Cute that a shrink is also a dwarf.
Anything along those lines introduced by the fragment could start real story movement and be of interest, arouse curiosity, and engage emotional caring.
I'm of two minds about the clever cuteness of N. Ome. That's just the kind of nature a mystical gnome of fable might have for a name. The default pronunciation, though, is off. Enn-Oh-may. Different spelling could be warranted. Gn Ohm, maybe, possibly of an exotic celestial ethnicity -- Vietnamese, maybe. Instantly interpretable and a signal this dwarf is a gnome in fictitious fact. One more signal is warranted, though, that Ome is a gnome. They horde treasure in the earth, their standout nature.
Also, worth a thought, gnome is another label for aphorism: a maxim. Some saying or proverb word play with "I'm Not Crazy" could double the use of "gnome" and lend greater appeal overall, if not focus and unify the action. Say, a figurative boundary transgression from the maxim or its like: "A sane person to an insane society must appear insane." --- Kurt Vonnegut //"Insane World, Not I"//
The "I'm" of the title implies this is a first-person story, too, though the fragment is third person. A workaround might use quote marks around the title to signal the phrase is a verbatim quote, though that might further confuse the intent.
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When you say at what time they picked the guy up, for example, I would've loved a: He tried to eat his own foot. (Or whatever's weird with him.) 
