Kennedy Roberts had always enjoyed watching the sun rise, it was one of a dwindling few daily rituals he still allowed for himself at the age of 59. Not that it even bore a remote resemblance to his old vices, but so much of his past had been swept away in recent years that it felt good to cling to something old. He could still remember vividly his childhood on the Aisysian Coast, watching as the gold and crimson rays became entangled upon each wavecrest whereupon they danced and sparkled betwixt air and water until the wave dashed against the pearly white cliffs with such thunderous force that it burst up into the air to create a million tiny suns, each a beautiful mimicry of the aureate ball that had borne it. Kennedy had not seen the coast of his birth in what seemed to him a dozen lifetimes, one of the casualties that lined the path he had chosen, yet the smell of salt was thick in his nose and it was with great remore that he focused his thoughts back onto the present. There would be time for such things later, once all was said and done and his world was free from the iron grip of Sol.
That brought him completely back to reality, and he turned his face away from the rising sun towards the east, where a new light was rapidly gaining altitude over the distant horizon. Not the light of Demeter’s second sun, for Demeter had no second sun.
________

http://www.hatrack.com/writers/writers/how-to-join.shtml

-Zoe

First off, watch sentence lengths.

Let's number the lines in your excerpt.

Line 1: Get rid of "had," add a comma after "rise," and get rid of "it was."

Line 2: Get rid of "still" and "for." Transpose "even bore" since "even" modifies "resemblance" not "bore."

Line 4: Get rid of the vague "it" and change the words after "that" to something stronger like "clinging to something old felt good." Get rid of the weak "could" and add an "ed" to "remember." I would transpose "remembered vividly," but that's me.

Line 5: Sounds like he spent his entire childhood watching rays on the coast. Change "watching" to "when he watched" and limit that little boy's idle time. Get rid of "the." Get rid of the weak "became" and release the stronger "entangled" of

Line 6: to do its job, maybe with something like "gold and crimson rays entangling themselves on the wavecrests." Period after "wavecrests." You're better off with the plural of "wavecrest," else it sounds like the entire body of water had only one wave.* Get rid of "whereupon."

Line 7: Change "wave" to a plural. *Even if you keep your original wording, "wave" would still be plural here. (If you give a bone to each dog, then they all have one. I had to think about that, but I believe that's right.)

Line 8: Change "it" to "they" due to previous plural changes. Get rid of "up."

Line 9: Change "it" to "them" because of the plural strategy. New paragraph at "Kennedy."

Line 10: Change the comma after "lifetimes" to a dash and the same with the comma in

Line 11: after "chosen." Period after "nose." Avoid the vague "it" again and change the sentence that straddles lines 11 and

Line 12: to something like "He focused his thoughts back onto the present with great remorse." ("Remorse" was a typo in the text.)

Line 13: Get rid of the first seven words. They're cliched and prevent your sentence from being as strong as it could be. Add "when" before "his world."

Line 14: New paragraph. Get rid of the also vague "That" and change to something like "The thought of Sol." Get rid of "completely." Adverbs are not your friends.

Line 15: Change "towards" to "in," unless the sun was rising from west to east, in which case you'd have to rework that.

Line 16: Change the period after "horizon" to a dash.

Now read it all out loud and see how it sounds. Not perfect, but better, no?

In spite of my red-lining, I thought the excerpt had a nice style to it--a relatively minimum number of words to convey a lot of information.

And I know these are first drafts, which beg a lot of rewrite. I tend to start a piece by going over the beginning a lot--sort of like a race car rocking and revving--before I find traction with a super-clean opening. Not that that doesn't still get re-polished.