posted
Driving her someplace to drop her off? Signing some kind of a permission slip? Or I suspect she'd be upset at a performance or something being missed, even if she didn't admit it.
Posts: 253 | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
It would probably be much more likely that the daughter would get mad if a parent didn't sign something. Or if they told them they would bring them something at school and didn't, thereby hanging them out to dry. The life of fourteen year olds isn't very far in the past for me.
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Grand. How about forgetting to pick her up after school? That's one I remembered after I posted the question.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Jul 2003
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I own a store where parents often pick up young teens. The girls get really nasty when mom or dad forgets- much worse than the boys. Usually there is a phone call to the parent where the girl trys to sound adult followed by a discussion with friends about how irresponcable parents are.The forgotten ride is worse if it includes a friend, they're trying to impress, and the mall.
Posts: 397 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
My children are not that old, but I have three sisters, and taught that age for several years.
I'd say, if it is a weekday activity, it sounds repetitive - like a ride to soccer practice, or hebrew school or something at the jcc, or an after school club meeting, or a part-time job after school, or a music or dance lesson, or a meeting with the other parent if parents are divorced (actually, that might not happen or the parent who forgot who could get in big trouble), or a driver's ed lesson! (ok, the driving age in Hawaii is 15, so you can get your permit earlier...)
If it is not a regularly scheduled activity, then there are tons of other possibilities. The hair/nail appt before a dance/prom, the sleepover at a friend's house, etc.
Now, when you say not wanting to be seen with your parents, it makes it sound like she is doing something every week, and will be upset if the parent is not there to participate or watch. That could work for a weekly game (soccer, softball) - especially if you are team mom/dad. Maybe if she and the parent are taking a class together - like ballroom dancing, or a martial art (!), or an exercise class - if the parent can't go or misses it, then she misses it, and feels like the parent doesn't consider doing things together important...
I raced with my dad on his boat when I was young - I would have been upset if he had to cancel a race for some reason I did not consider important.
Just some thoughts, based on different interpretations of your message!
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I absolutely hated it when my dad would be late to pick me up from Football or band practice. Everyone would ask if I needed a ride etc... It was embarrassing. Sometimes I would just start walking home (6 miles). I even wrote a short story with that element in it. It was good therapy. I am going to have to dig that one up now, just to take a look.
Posts: 471 | Registered: Sep 2003
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First, you'll need to determine the kind of relationship the girl has with her parent(s). I have two sisters. One of them was absoluetely horrified to be seen with them, and she thought both of them were helplessly stupid and out of day. My other sister didn't seem to care too much either way. She wanted her space, to be sure--which teenager doesn't?--but she didn't have the aversion to my parents that her older (yet still my younger) sister had (and still has, to a degree, especially with my mom).
I can't think of a regular weekday activity, but I know that my sister who seemed to be forever embarrassed by Mom and Dad would have been HIGHLY offended if they BOTH didn't show up for her band concerts.
I suppose guys are a little different. I don't remember caring if Mom and Dad were around for my football games, baseball games, or my track meets. Of course, they were always there. I don't remember being embarrassed by them, but I do recall thinking they were both rather stupid.
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could be a band rehearsal, if she's musical.
I used to teach marching band, and we had a strict punctuality policy (terribly ironic if you know my own personal track record on such things, but...). One day this girl shows up about ten minutes late and I'm watching her and her mother stroll in. The girl takes her place on the field and mother marches right up to me. Thinking she's going to greet me warmly with a smile and thankme for my time, as most parents were prone to do, I smiled and extended my hand to shake hers.
But when she reached me she opened her mouth and unleashed a torrent of anger. She was completely vexed that we would be so demanding of her daughters time and how hard it is for her to get there on time and "I don't appreciate being yelled at in my car by my daughter for ten minutes while we race through traffic to get here."
Well...sorry. I can't help how your daughter reacts to stress, but I'd say that anything revolving around transportation would get a teen girl pretty ticked. So, apparently, does punctuality. Or stress. Or anything embarassing (we made it VERY embarassing to show up late). OR...you know what...It doesn't seem that it really takes a whole lot to get under a teenage girl's skin...
posted
I'm absolutely empathizing with TrueHero. My mother was CONSISTENTLY late picking me up--from kindergarte on up. It was a relief when I hit High School and could depend on the bus to pick me up on time. I never got used to it. I always held on to some kind of hope that she'd be on time 'this time.' Maybe that's why I'm such a pessimist now?
It was humiliating being the ONLY child left waiting on the front steps of the school, or standing around in front of the Junior High with all my carpool 'buddies' waiting for my mom to come--late again. The worst part was listening to them complain about it.
Kids need to be able to depend on the adults around them, and when the adults let them down it can cut deeply--deeper than the adults often realize.
As a result of this I've become hypersensitive about being dependable for my kids. I have near-panic attacks if something comes up and I'm late to pick them up--even though my oldest soothes me and tells me not to sweat it.
Still, I've flubbed up on occasion. I plumb forgot to pick them up from school on an early day once--they were out at one and it was nearly two before they were finally able to get a hold of me. I felt awful. My son had been crying--he was six or seven then.
I don't know if my mother ever felt awful about being late all the time--she certainly didn't feel bad enough to try to change.
Whew! Thanks for the therapy moment! Hope my pain helps you out, Mary.
I asked my daughter (12). She said it would be something important to her, some kind of special event, like an orchestra concert.
[This message has been edited by djvdakota (edited August 23, 2004).]
[This message has been edited by djvdakota (edited August 23, 2004).]
posted
This thread reminds me that time the Scoolbus driver forgot to pick us up in junior high. He was a drunk nutcase, who only listened to Rush Limbaugh, anyway but it was better than walking. So we sat there quoting monty-python for a while till it erupted into a Lord of the Flies type thing. (which we had just been reading in English.) After the war the differnt factions sat on opposite sides of the concourse and hypothosized what he could possibly be doing with his afternoon that was more important than us. We came to the conclusion that he was watching oprah in his underwear covered in the vile powder from cheese-puffs. That image alone fed our steps as we walked the mile home. I last saw the guy on Americas Most wanted. Ahhhh the memories.
Posts: 1895 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Dakota, Isn't it weird how we slowly become our parents? I realize you have only left your kids a couple of times, but it is inevitable. Just like they said in THE BREAKFAST CLUB. You become your parents, you can't help it -- it's inevitable. How true. I see my dad's traits in me more and more all the time. I have even tried to fight it, but it's no use. I love my dad, don't get me wrong, I just don't want to BE him. All we can do is try, just like you said about being hypersensitive. Keep up the good work.
Posts: 471 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Maybe it's really weird but if I could be a combination of my two parents when it comes to raising kids I would be happy. I mean either one has some things I wouldn't go for but they balance each other out really well. Is that weird, should there be something I want to change?
I see myself becoming them in many ways. Scares the hell out of me! I can curse a blue-streak just like my Dad. But when I see myself becoming them it really only reinforces my resolve NOT to become like them. Hubby helps me watch out for those things and I keep an eye on him for those things about his parents that annoy him.
Don't get me wrong. My parents are good people with many good traits that I hope to inherit. But the hurt of standing there alone facing an absolutely empty parking lot and a highway full of cars that were not my mother's has left a permanent mark on my pshyche that, I believe, will keep me from becoming her in that way.
I'll just be a horrid mother in some other way that my children will vilify me for on some other online forum.
Hey, what a great therapy moment we have going here--though a bit off topic, eh?
So I'll turn it back to writing:
I have a book called The Writer's Mentor (which I wrote a review for for the Sept issue of SFFW). In one chapter the author discusses the question of whether a scarred childhood is necessary for success as a writer. Her answer in a nutshell: Not necessarily. But it is an uncommon childhood, a lonely childhood, that often fosters the kind of mindset it takes to be a writer--one steeped in imagination because the reality is too boring, lonely, or horrible, what have you. Hmmm. Sounds like an interesting new thread, eh?
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