Yesterday, while my husband and I were out for a drive, I saw a girl with two dufflebags walking along the side of the road and what looked like a bag containing food. It was in a nice part of town, so I was pretty surprised to see what I thought was a homeless person.

My husband asked if I'd seen the girl and I said I had. I also told him my surprise and the reason.

He shook his head and said, "That wasn't a homeless person. That was a runaway."

He then pointed out that the clothes were too new, too nice. I asked if we should go back and help her -- I've read too much on what can happen to runaway girls. We'd been arguing right before then, so it wasn't the best time to ask that question. We kept on driving.

But that girl's image is still in my head. Maybe if I write it down -- base a character on her and save her in the story -- I'll feel a little less guilty. Will that help?

If you must assuage your guilt, help another runaway, and ask her to keep an eye out for the other girl.

But even if you had approached her, she probably wouldn't have wanted your help. Maybe she had good reason to run away, maybe not, but most of the time it's inability to ask for help that gets them in the situation they are in. Not always, so don't think I'm generalizing.

Go ahead an write a story about her, though that won't exactly help you forget her.

Technically, I've been homeless plenty of times. Of course, I'm not a girl, but being homeless isn't all that bad unless you've got kids or something like that (being homeless with babies in tow is less fun than most things).

Of course, real homelessness is more than not having a fixed address for a while. It's more a state of mind. Depending on how you look at things, I've lived there either all my life or far less than most people.

Just to add to your worries, I'll cite the worst case scenario. She got kicked out by her violent, druggy boyfriend, when he found out she was pregnant and wanted to keep the child. He's going to remember events differently in the morning and set off to get her back, too. Things like that have happened to a few people I know, actually.

Luckily, I kinda knew the streets in the area. I ended up running (with bag and backpack) through a couple of residential areas, trying to get to my heart appointment on time. (I didn't, unfortunately, and it would have thrown off the results anyway. I got there a half an hour late.)

While I was running, about three people called out to me and asked if I was in trouble. It was a nice feeling; it's like if I actually WAS in trouble there would be people around to help. However, it also scared me. I wasn't in the best part of town. I'm not a big person, and where I could probably take care of myself, I really don't want to be in a situation where I would have to find out.

Quite frankly, I was only comfortable when a woman asked me if I needed help.

You could have some amusing scenes with this premise. Forcing chicken noodle soup down the poor girls throat, because your convinced she's starving, etc.

Maybe have the girl a little slow on the uptake and not realize that the well meaning traveller thinks she is homeless :-)

I'm picturing an older man and woman, from maybe Miami, with New York laced accents, pulling the girl into the car.

"Oh Irv, look at the poor thing she must be starving!", Marge insists.

"Leave the girl alone Marge, your making her uncomfortable.", Irv replied.

"Oh honey, you have such a pretty face, such a shame...", Marge croons, reaching out to bursh road dust from the young womens sweatsuit.

The story followed a couple of people, one scanned the papers obsessively for news about the body, another refused to think about it and got angrier and angrier and did some stupid things. At the end the story cut back to the last driver that night who stopped, realised it was a store dummy and never thought of it again.

On another note:

I once went to the Museum with my wife and kids, the car park was full so we drove around until we found a spot in a really dodgy part of town known for its homeless people. It was not far from the Museum.
I got out and my wife was putting our littlest one in the stroller when I noticed a filthy man (real filth) approaching, eyes wide and waving his arms. I got all defensive -- three little kids and my wife -- but it was clear he intended to get right up to us so I met him part way instead. He leaned close; smelled really bad, and said, 'I thought you better know, there's a dead guy in the vacant lot; his throat is cut. Don't bring your kids this way.'

I looked and saw a couple of cops in there, prodding something in the grass.

Funny how we can assume so much at a glance.

Mike said:

quote:

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I've been on the opposite side several times, offering help to a woman only to be rebuffed due to her fear.

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I just wanted to clarify this and reassure Mike and any other Hatrack guys on this point.

First, thanks for being a gentleman. If there were more guys with good hearts, women would not need to respond like that. Please understand that the women are probably not being mean or female-doggy, or rude. (Although some might be.) Sorry if they made you feel that way.

In my self-defense class, I teach women that it is far safer to ask for help from another woman, or to accept help from another woman. Also, I teach them that if a man asks them for help, to politely but firmly suggest they ask another male for help, or perhaps offer to call someone (cops, security) to help them. (Ted Bundy was known to fake injuries or carry a cane and ask his victims for assistance. After leading them to a secluded area, he assaulted them and killed them.)

It seems rude, but it is often more practical and safer to do this. A lone woman has to think safety first or risk becoming a statistic.

A couple of my students have applied this advice and have come back to class with some very compelling testimonials in its favor.

I've never understood the fear of becoming a statistic. I mean, we'll all be one eventually, right? Most of you already are statistics most other ways. Maybe I suffer from "statistic envy" or something, which causes me to be biased.

One bit of advice I'll give (from my complete lack of personal knowledge about this sort of thing). If you do refuse an offer of (or request for) assistance from a person you believe to be threatening, the worst possible thing you can do is give the impression that you are motivated by fear.