posted
I was doing some rewriting this morning, and I realized I've pretty much painted myself into a corner in one aspect.
I'm working on a scene where the protagonist, a high school girl (the one with the leg wound I mentioned in another thread, actually) has a heart-to-heart talk with her mother over the breakfast table. (Scene Two of, like, Fifteen or Twenty, depending on how many I write or rewrite.)
"Her mother" is the problem. She's "her mother" in every action or dialog so far, and all the way through the end of the story. I don't have a name for "her mother," and I want one, and I'm at a loss as to how to introduce the name. (Not the name itself, just how to bring it up.)
The protagonist just isn't the kind of character who'd refer to "her mother" by her first name, either to her face or behind her back. But the story takes place entirely from the POV of this protagonist / hero. It just looks so damned awkward on the printed page.
I don't want to go into too much detail about what happens and why. I thought I'd throw the question open, and see if anyone had anything to say.
posted
A simple, maybe too simple depending on the narrative voice, way to accomplish it is to have the protagonist look at a piece of mail or think/comment about "Mrs Betty Rubble". The use of the formal proper name can allow you to pin the name in the text, while giving you the freedom of making it a statement of fact, a sarcastic comment, an overheard statement, or many other things. Another method is to have 'Her mother, Betty, did...' or 'Her mother always insisted -protagonist's name-'s friends call her Betty.' or 'Betty, as her mother liked to be called...' These are just ideas, they may or may not work for you, hopefully they will inspire something that will work for you. Posts: 233 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Will's advice is sound. But if you are simply trying to tell the reader the mother's actual name, a telephone call could do it. "No, this is Betty. Hang on while I get her." The piece of mail does allow you to get in the full name, if, say Mom's last name is different than the girl's, although you'd have to handle it carefully so that it doesn't seem contrived.
Posts: 491 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
I am in the middle of writing an entire novel in which this is an issue. I've been told to write it the way the protagonist thinks it, but especially when I'm in lighter penetration mode, this can be awkward. Also, sometimes I might think "my mom" which translates to "her mom."
Solution? Mom said. Dad said. In narration, they ocassionally become her mom and her dad, very rarely, her mother and her father. (I use the last two when she's feeling distanced from them for some reason.)
I think it's working out ok, although I haven't suffered a critique yet.
I don't like the idea of using real names for Mom and Dad when using the son/daughter's point of view. It's completely undermines deep penetration and as a daughter of someone I never called "Linda", it has a weird feeling to it. I feel weird when I write her proper name on a piece of mail.
[This message has been edited by Christine (edited August 24, 2005).]
posted
yeah, exactly. "Mom" functions as the name - compared to "her mom", which isn't a name but just identifies their relationship.
Posts: 1750 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
I had a friend growing up who called his father by his first name. It was weird because I never called my father by his first name.
I'm not so sure about Minister's suggestion. I think it would work if it were the girl's sister, but if her mother answered the phone, I think she would be more likely to say, 'No, this is her mother...'
If it's a telemarketer or something else, though, then I think that would work.
posted
Everybody has a name. I agree that if the character knows mom as mom, then that is what she is called. But everyone else doesn't know her as mom. Unless these characters never interact with other people, her name should eventually come out. It may be a phone call or piece of mail as Minister suggested. It could be the father entering the room and saying, "Karen, have you seen my tie?" This doesn't stop the narrator from calling her mom, but it does establish her name and how she is addressed by other characters.
Posts: 266 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I agree that everyone has a name but I disagree that is necessarily has to come out. Why should it? Especially if "Mom" plays a small part in the story?
In my novel, the names of both parents do come out, but that's because they are primary characters and have interactions with one another and others. But if they didn't I wouldn't be fussed about manufacturing a way to let their names slip.
posted
I call my mother "Georgia" when I'm trying to get her attention in a busy place. Calling someone "mom" in the midst of a busy store will get about thirty women swiveling their heads, saying, "Huh?" If you are writing fantasy, which usually isn't set in modern times, the letter or phone call ideas may not help. Just have a walk-on character call them by name, or as has already been suggested, go with: "her mother, Betty..."
If none of those things feel right, consider the fact that YOU need to know her name, but the reader might not care. You may find that your character can survive the entire manuscript with no other identification but "her mom."
posted
If you have to resort to contriving some scene or event just to get the mom's name into the story, that's a sign that the mom's name is not needed in the story.
Imagine for a moment that the story is in first person instead of third. Would your POV character use her mother's real name? Or would she just use "my mother," "my mom," "Mom," etc.? Just transfer that to third person. It'll work.
posted
Let me see what I can amplify on (without giving too much away). It's in third-person. "Her mother" is present in Scene Two, disappears for awhile, then reappears at the end. "Her father," also lacking a name, is absent on business.
And just using "Mom" never occurred to me! I don't think it'll work in the third-person, though it would've worked in first-person.
So far, in the short time it's been up, it's given me some interesting stuff to chew on. Thanks!
posted
I'm with EJS. If the mom's name never comes up, it never comes up. Now, you could have the POV character reading this very thread and thinking, do I ever call Mom "Linda"? Or you could use any of the other examples given.
But if you're doing it just so that you can reveal the Mom's name, then don't. If her name was at all important to the story, then it would come out on it's own. It would usually come out even if it wasn't very important, like if any of the various situations suggested were to happen in your story, you'd have to figure out a name for the mother.
posted
You could always have the daughter bring in the mail, leaf through it, saying one for Jennifer Character, one for Mildred Character, then hand the stack for Mildred to the mother. It's one idea, but I, too, agree with EJS.
Posts: 2 | Registered: Aug 2010
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posted
I can post samples of published works in which the mother or father character is called "Mom" or "Dad" in narration, but I'd rather not have to. Suffice to say that it works, and works seamlessly. To a child that is the character's name.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Jul 2003
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