Kathy, who had bound her breasts and cropped her hair, and lied about her gender to join a monastery of Jesuits in northern Kentucky, until she was discovered one night in the shower, winced as the dentist pulled her tooth.
Twas brillig, and the toves were not just slithy, they were stinking drunk.
Sex with Rachel after she turned fifty was like driving the last-place team on the last day of the Iditarod Dog Sled Race, the point no longer the ride but the finish, the difficulty not the speed but keeping all the parts moving in the right direction, not to mention all that irritating barking.
posted
Herr Professor Doktor Weiss' reputation was made when he conclusively proved the fraudulency of the Mayan codex that claimed to show that that ancient people knew the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter to an exactitude unknown until modern times, in his article, "Bye, Bye, Mesoamerican Pi."
posted
I sent one in but it was too long. I suppose I could have cut a few phrases. Anybody else send one in? Or, just make one up right now?
Gunn flicked the cylinder of the six-shooter around and around, wondering if the five bullets would be enough to settle the feud with Blackstone the rotten, no-good ranch boss who ran the Bar-K-Bar with an iron fist while he courted the daughter of Elmer Doughtry, who died under suspicious circumstances while driving the herd of heifers to market on that last hot, humid day in August when Veronica had gone to town, shopping for a new gingham dress just the day before the big dance at the barn where Tray Smith and his Hoe-Down Kings were playing and Bill Treadwell was calling his last square dance before he retired and moved to San Francisco with Lucy, the high-kickin' gal from the saloon.
posted
hey guys, as ashamed as I am to say it, I love the imagery in Bulwer Lytton's stories and have always wanted to re-write them.
Consider:
quote: It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness. Through one of the obscurest quarters of London, and among haunts little loved by the gentlemen of the police, a man, evidently of the lowest orders, was wending his solitary way. He stopped twice or thrice at different shops and houses of a description correspondent with the appearance of the quartier in which they were situated,--and tended inquiry for some article or another which did not seem easily to be met with. All the answers he received were couched in the negative; and as he turned from each door he muttered to himself, in no very elegant phraseology, his disappointment and discontent.
The writing is frightening in it's affectatation but the story is cool.
Edit: PS: Did you know Charles Dickens named one of his sons after Edward Bulwer-Lytton?
[This message has been edited by hoptoad (edited July 11, 2006).]
posted
Oh man, you guys. I read all the posts here on this page before investigating the link. I was like.. "these are the winners?!" I was very extremely confused by what seemed like... the worst writing ever. Yeah so, that was very funny to go and look and the link and realize everything.
So anyways... I found this one which made me laugh the hardest:
"Lisa moved like a cat, not the kind of cat that moves with a slinky grace but more like the kind that always falls off the book shelf when he's washing himself and then gets all mad at you like it's your fault (which it wasn't although it probably was kind of mean to laugh at him like that), although on the bright side, she hardly ever attacked Ricky's toes in his sleep."
HA
-leaf
[This message has been edited by Leaf II (edited July 11, 2006).]
quote:Kathy, who had bound her breasts and cropped her hair, and lied about her gender to join a monastery of Jesuits in northern Kentucky, until she was discovered one night in the shower, winced as the dentist pulled her tooth.
Aaargh my ex-boyfriend and his dad talked like this all the time. You generally had to wait about five minutes to get to the actual verb in their sentences.
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