quote:

---

"Tower this is Sanitation-Uniform-Seven-Three-One. Over."

"Acknowledged Sanitation-Uniform-Seven-Three-One, good morning Diego. Over."

"We have a Ten-Fourteen, requesting a clean slate. Over."

"Acknowledged. Let's see here, you have three other locations scheduled for today so I'll give them to Sanitation-Uniform-Two-Zero-Five. Tower Out."

---

I tried to make the conversation based off a little research on two-way communication (end everything with "over" unless you are finished then end it with "out". Repeat the last request. "Acknowledge" everything).

This seems like it would be difficult to read. That or most people would just glaze over it. Is there any benefit to trying to make radio dialog sound realistic? Or should it be something like:

quote:

---

"Tower this is SU731."

"Acknowledged, good morning Diego."

"We have a 10-14, requesting a clean slate."

"Let's see here, you have three other locations scheduled for today so I'll give them to SU250. Tower Out."

---

In the second quote I removed the lettering, "Acknowledged", "Over" and the repetition. Does the use of these elements jar up the dialog or do you see it as necessary? How would you approach two-way-radio or CB dialog?

References:
http://zena.secureforum.com/ontheground/action-medical/static/library/radio_protocols .htm

http://www.commserv.ucsb.edu/faculty_and_staff/support/800mhz_usage_guidelines.asp

http://www.reliefweb.int/telecoms/training/unhcrradio.html

http://clubs.juniata.edu/esscqrs8/SOGs.html

Transcripts:
http://www.pownetwork.org/bios/f/f059.htm

http://austmia.com/TRANSCRIPTOFRADIOTRAFFIC.htm

http://archive.greenpeace.org/comms/26.html

I think the key is keeping the reader aware that the characters are following a comms protocol.

Whether that is the same as CB protocol is up to you.

the only bad thing is hot micing. god that is annoying.

One point I always have trouble with in such radio procedure is that I don't know the ten-calls and don't use them enough to make it worth memorizing them. There's no clue in the radio dialog what 10-14 means. That's the point, of course, to state the message briefly by using the code. I'd need a clue somewhere else in the story as to what Diego really wants.

I would make a suggestion that you don't mix your phonetic Alphabet. Use the military, fire, ems or Law Enforcement phonetics. For the quote it would be sierra-uniform and not sanitation-uniform. or for LE it would be Sam-Edward.

http://www.police-scanner.info/glossary/phonetic_alphabet.htm

Also check out:

http://spiffy.ci.uiuc.edu/~kline/Stuff/ten-codes.html

for a list of Ten Code definitions.