posted
I'm at a part in my revisions where I need more help than simple critiques, so I decided to create a discussion here. I'm telling a short story about characters who are not human and do not always have the same sort of reactions a human would.
My questions are thus: is it a good idea to write a short story on characters that are so removed from our own experience? There is not enough time to explain everything about her in the entire story, let alone the first 13 lines. There are two pertinent points about her personality to this story: she is not afraid of pain, and she always puts others before herself. I set the scene in a place that should show those things, but I'm not being successful in establishing that without coming right out and saying it.
Also, the story is from her point of view, but the reader's sympathies and connection will probably be on the side of the other character. Is that a good idea in short stories? It has been done in novels (think Donaldson), but a short story may not have the time necessary to develop that relationship.
posted
I think you can pull of writing a story about a non-human character. It's all in how you do it.
As to where the reader's sympathies may lie... yes, I do think that might be a problem. In general people like to sympathize with the character. Esp in a situation where the sympathetic character might not appear for a little while (i.e., no mention of him/ her in the first 13 that I read in the FF section).
In reading the comments in the FF section, it seems to me that people aren't just concerned about whether or not her reactions seem realistic--rather, it seems you're trying to use the fact that she's being followed as suspense, but if she's not feeling frightened or wary of it, then it doesn't work because the reader won't feel suspense. You need to have some consistency.
Even if she puts others, i.e. the infants, first, she can still feel nervous about being followed, can't she? She can at least wonder who is following her, and why, as she goes about her daily routine.
The problem is that you've set us up to be concerned about her stalker. Then you switch us to a rather in depth description of the hospitalized babies. It feels like a bait and switch--first you want us to care about one thing--wait, no, now you want us to care about this. And you give us no reason for why she's not concerned about the stalking. You don't have to tell us that she's not human, but you do need to have her explain it away in her own head. "It was probably Marvek. Let him stalk her--she would deal with him later. For now, the infants needed her help, or they would die." Or something. Now we know, okay, she knows she's being stalked, she registers it, intends to do something about it, but is putting the infants first. You essentially show us this, but you don't give us enough information to be on board with her switch.
[This message has been edited by annepin (edited January 17, 2008).]
posted
The answer hinges on how non-human your characters are. I find I can tolerate non-human POV characters provided I can relate to them in some way, or at least imagine myself behaving similarily if I was put in the same circumstances.
Consider Asimov's Robots and Empire. The main characters are Daneel and Giskard and yet the story is (mostly) told from Gladia's POV. The robotic thought process is simply too alien. Another example that should probably be avoided is Hiveminds, we just can't comprehend what being part of one would be like.
I'm a big believer in readers relating to my characters, even if they are aliens.
[This message has been edited by smncameron (edited January 17, 2008).]
posted
I started to comment, then read the first 13 lines over in F&F, and am now trying to incorporate my general thoughts with the specific thoughts I have in reaction to your opening.
In general, you can write a non-human POV and you can write a story in which the POV character is not the sympathetic character. But you will turn a subsection of readers off and you have to be careful how you do it for the rest of us.
One of my WIPs (haven't worked on it for a while but always on my mind) deals with non-human characters and begins in their POV but I start with a scene of how human they really are. In fact, they're not that dissimilar, in terms of emotions, reactions, etc., from humans, so it's easier for me. Core emotional differences are the hardest to make convincing. But even if you've got a character who doesn't react to stimuli in a human manner, you are better off starting with something that she has in common with us. Then find some way to begin the contrast.
In your fragment, for example, had I not read this first I wouldn't have even known you were going for non-human. I just thought she was a little weird, perhaps even schizophrenic. The opening that claimed she was being stalked was short, nonspecific, and by the end of the next paragraph could have been all in her head. I had no additional information about why she believed she was being stalked or what she thought the stalker was up to.
It may be that you've started in the wrong place. You may want to find a spot that makes it clear from the start that we're dealing in non-humans.
Even knowing that she's not human, though, I have questions about her reactions. Does she think about the stalker at all? I get trying to play cool and go through the NICU, but she doesn't think about the stalker at all. You say in this post that she's not afraid of pain. Is she afraid of anything? Fear is such an essential part of survival in primitive species that I'd definitely want to know how her species evolved without it -- or if they evolved past it at some point. Perhaps she's afraid for the babies rather than herself?
Also, something caused her to notice the stalker. What? What does she think he's stalking her for?
This is a tough situation, for sure. Anytime you want to highlight a difference between humans and a non-human it's hard, but I think differences in emotional reactions are the hardest of all. I wish you luck with it!
posted
I agree that you want to emphasize human-like traits at the start, to aid in identification (usually). I also agree that the character should be identified as non-human right up front, which means including at least one non-human trait.
If the reader's sympathies are probably going to be NOT with the character, that's okay too, but we need to have the character we DO sympathize with introduced early. This doesn't (or shouldn't) mean we don't identify with the POV character, however. We just don't identify FULLY. So you want to have enough stuff to get the reader to say, "Yeah, I can see that," without having them say, "Yeah, that's the right thing to do." It can be tricky.
Of course this doesn't ALL have to be in the first 13. The first 13 should give us reason to turn the page--that's the main requirement. In this case, I'd say you also want the fact of the POV character being non-human (a mild hook in itself) without any kind of feeling that she is incomprehensibly strange. If you start to put in much more than that, you run the risk of it feeling rushed.
posted
Thanks everyone! I think you've given me some ideas on how to approach this. I'll mull it over today and see if I can't come up with something.
One thing that is tricky is hooking a reader without showing all the cards in your hand. I have a tendency to want to keep some back so a reader can learn about a character as they go through the story, but that may not be appropriate in this case.
I know this is an awkward story, which is why I began with it. I also learned to knit by starting with socks. I can't do anything the easy way, apparently.
quote:One thing that is tricky is hooking a reader without showing all the cards in your hand. I have a tendency to want to keep some back so a reader can learn about a character as they go through the story, but that may not be appropriate in this case.
I like just the opposite -- show everything you can as soon as you can. That is, as soon as it becomes relevant to the story and the POV character is aware of it. I can usually tell when the author is holding back and it feels intrusive....annoying rather than mysterious. The draw of a story, what pulls you through, is the anticipation in your story question:
Will the hero live?
Will the hero get the magical sword and kill the ork king before they destroy the world?
Will the hero find out who killed his girlfriend and for that matter, who DID kill his girlfriend? (This is when you can hold information back....the hero doesn't know so we can all find out together.)
quote: One thing that is tricky is hooking a reader without showing all the cards in your hand. I have a tendency to want to keep some back so a reader can learn about a character as they go through the story, but that may not be appropriate in this case.
Letting the audience get to know the character over time is fine, especially if the character is getting to know his or herself at the same time. Just make sure your not going for an "aha it's actually an alien" moment at the end.
posted
Maybe it would help if you looked at it as the story being about the character moving through the story, changing, learning, discovering, rather than letting the story be about the reader discovering or learning about the character. In other words, the story can't rely simply on a slow reveal of the character's true nature. Rather, we need to have something change and move in the story. Therefore, the cards you need to show at the beginning are the ones crucial to setting up that change.
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